Well, the moment I’ve been dreading happened yesterday

@smash89 Your feelings are SO valid and I hear you ❤️ I’ve been praying each month I’d see two lines.. but it hasn’t happened yet (we’re at month 6, I’m sure the wait gets even more painful 😔) All the while I keep seeing fb pregnancy announcements, my friends are having more babies, etc. It frickin’ sucks. My brother and his girlfriend accidentally got pregnant and it rattles my brain how it can happen so easily for some.. especially those that didn’t have a baby on their list. My husband and I have never been more ready.. yet here we are. Just praying it will happen. I’m with you! I hope you get your two lines soon ❤️
 
@smash89 Totally feeling this. Hugs to you. This made me tear up. You are allowed to feel this way.
I haven’t been trying nearly as long, but my life has never come easy and this is the one thing I thought and prayed would- and it didn’t. after my dad dying, mom having cancer, an abusive ex relationship, and dealing with crippling anxiety and depression- I find myself constantly asking when I can catch a break- and why are these things happening?! But I think maybe life needed to teach me another lesson- patience. And maybe I’m meant to help someone else get through tough times, because I didn’t have anyone. I really hope you get your positive and everyone else on here too. 🤍
 
@smash89 Ugh I could have written this myself. My husband and I had been trying for 3 years got pregnant/ told our families then lost the baby and within 2 weeks got the announcement that my brother In law and his wife of 5 months were pregnant and due around our due date. It was heartbreaking. Basically they got pregnant and had two children while I had two miscarriages and finally a live birth. It’ll get better. Hopefully
 
@smash89 Sending you love! I'm 39, been trying for 6 years + and learned that my little cousin (13 years younger) is now trying.

My mom said she will probably be pregnant before me...I'm trying to mentally prepare for the announcement.

I hear you.
 
@smash89 What a beautifully written post 💜 You perfectly captured how many of us are feeling. No, you are not selfish or unkind, and nothing about infertility is fair. But I always tell myself that luckily, pregnancy isn’t a zero sum game, other women getting pregnant doesn’t interfere with my chances, and one day it will be my turn.
 
@smash89 My sister told me to join Reddit today so I could find a community of people who “got” what I was going through. I logged in and this was the first post I clicked on — which feels kismet. And I hate that I’m writing this and that I “get” what you’re going through. I experienced same announcement yesterday and I feel beyond devastated. The dreadful pregnancy announcement of my SIL that I KNEW was coming but could’ve never been prepared for. I wanted my Christmas miracle and she got hers instead. And I feel beyond jealous, frustrated, irritated. Every single word you wrote I felt deep to my core. I am so appreciative of you writing what you’ve written. Thank you for making me feel less alone, on what otherwise is the most lonely journey. I am so sorry you’re going through the same thing. I feel like I’ve been kicked when I was already down and want to hide under a rock. I am here for you if you need to talk/vent/cry/scream
 
@any Thank you for that and welcome to Reddit !
I don’t think any of us ever wished to be a part of this kind of forum for infertility, but I know we’re all so very thankful for it.
I really believe that I would be in a much worse place mentally and emotionally without the support and solidarity in these forums.
You are not alone.
You are SO valid in those feelings.
I used to feel so guilty and ashamed at the level of envy and disappointment I felt when facing these kinds of announcements. Don’t get me wrong, I always react to them appropriately in the moment, with the hugs and smiles and the congratulations. But inside I’d be dying a little. Every. Time.
And then I go home and let myself cry and mourn the love and connection I should be carrying with my own baby.
But afterwards, we pick ourselves back up because we are strong. We are patient (sometimes). We are determined. We deserve this. We will go through the heartbreak in order to make our dreams of holding our own little one, one day come true.

No one truly gets this journey. Not our siblings, in-laws, parents, friends, coworkers, cousins. Especially (and through no fault of their own) those who have no difficulty whatsoever.
Only those of us who have experienced the rollercoaster of emotions of infertility or difficulty conceiving understands the complex feelings of navigating life with this heavy weight on your shoulders, sometimes day in and day out. You may be doing other things but it’s always there in the back of your mind. So many things you see and hear remind you of what you want so badly. Sometimes it makes you want to give up.

I just want to thank you so much for being here and sharing that with us, a bunch of strangers. It can be hard, but it’s so freeing to let it out in a place where there isn’t judgment, because all of us here are in the same boat.
Thank you all. I could never adequately express my gratitude and love for you all.

Wishing you all the very best. ✨💕
 
@smash89 You’re absolutely right in what you’re feeling! We’re human after all. I went through a similar situation when my younger brother and his wife announced their pregnancy and we were still trying. I literally cried and cried as at my lowest point, especially seeing how the entire family was happy and treating me weird saying.. you next . I mean do they even know what we were going through. Trust the journey and I hope it works out for all the lovely ladies on this post ✨😊😊 2024 is gonna be our year. Feel free to rant as much as you want coz girlllll you’re not alone!
 
@smash89 I had a similar Christmas. I wish that when family knows there are fertility challenges they would choose a different day to make their special day, and leave the holidays alone. Our family's announcement was at just 6 weeks, and I would have so much preferred to just suspect and hear about it in another month. I also really don't want to hear about a loss if things don't go smoothly for them, and 6 weeks is just so far from a "sure thing". Their announcement was also right before my HSG, so I've felt hyper sensitive to thinking about my own losses rather than anyone else's special moments.
 
@clarkem I actually totally agree.
Before this process I used to think I that I would love to announce at Christmas but with everything we’ve been through, I’ve really changed my mindset on how we would announce in our own special way and not hijack other events. Especially after the most recent announcement of my SIL at Christmas dinner. It kinda put a sour taste in my mouth.
I know it wasn’t intentional and how can you NOT be excited to share that news but they also kinda knew that we have been going through this for a long time now and it could have just been done with more consideration.
 
@smash89 You are not alone on this, it's totally normal what you're feeling. I'm super glad your husband validates your feelings, super important for you and your mental health.
My boyfriend wasn't as comprehensive, I felt awful all my SIL pregnancy, but once the baby was born I forget everything and adore that baby now!
 
@smash89 I could have written this too. My husband (39) and I (33) have been trying for a year. We got pregnant after six months and I had a miscarriage in two weeks. An ultrasound revealed I had a septate uterus, so we had to wait to try again until after I had surgery to remove the septum. All cleared and we got pregnant again in November after two tries. I was shocked. We announced to our families at Christmas and asked for prayers and support because every day has been anxiety-ridden for me. I then told my sister, four years younger than me, who told me she is pregnant with her FOURTH. I miscarried two days later. I feel sick and devastated. It’s all so unfair.
 
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