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duke845

New member
Needed to take a break from work, took a shot at it. :)

1) Will my child forget me at daycare? – No, they won’t. They won’t form a stronger bond with a daycare worker than they have with you, their parent. Do I still get called by daycare worker names, teacher names, day camp counselor names? Yes, yes I do. But sometimes I call the kids by the cats’ names. We’re all human.

2) Is daycare bad for my child? Is daycare good for my child? – Some kids are homebodies and don’t want to leave. Some kids are social animals that can’t stand being cooped up in the house. In general, most kids want to interact with small people of their own age group, grow, learn, play. My kids didn’t love daycare every single day but we pulled them during COVID and the night before they went back, they woke up at 2 in the morning and got dressed because they were so excited.

3) Am I a bad mom because I have a job instead of being a SAHM? - No

4) But what about the people who tell me that I’m a bad mom?-- F those guys. Does anyone say this to dads? Does anyone tell them that they are missing their children being little? Does anyone stop a dad from travelling from work or being deployed because he is missing his children’s lives? Nope.

4a) Why do I feel so guilty about going back to work instead of being a SAHM? - Because we live in a stupid patriarchy. And also, we love our children and sometimes we just want to hang out with them.

5) Should I quit my job? Daycare is as much/almost as much/half of my take home pay. – For one thing, you contribute to household income and daycare is paid from household income. When you leave the work force, you create a gap in your resume. You lose out on valuable years of experience and potential for pay raises. You lose benefits and retirement contributions. And maybe, just maybe, you actually enjoy your career.

6) My kid gets sick ALL the time. Should I hire a nanny? – Sure, maybe. Kids get sick, especially that first year of daycare. Nannies get sick too. And nannies are household employees that get high hourly wages, overtime, sick leave, vacation. If you can afford it and you like the idea of having a nanny, go for it. Your kid will just get sick when they go to preschool or kindergarten.

7) Can I take care of my baby/infant/toddler while working from home? – No, those are two separate jobs that can’t be done well at the same time.

8) My kid finally made it to kindergarten, what do I do with them when school lets out at 1PM every day? What do you mean school is closed for a week in October and a week at Thanksgiving and two to three weeks at Christmas and a week at Easter and 10 weeks every summer? – Yeah, it sucks. Look into your local parks and rec or the Y or the JCC. You’ll probably need to use some PTO too when they get both Washington AND Lincoln’s birthdays off.

9) why won't my partner stay home on those days? Why don't they carry the mental load and the literal load? - Some partners do, some partners don't. Yeah, it sucks but we soldier on, right?
 
@duke845 10) How does anyone afford to have kids/more than one? - Some people are wealthy, some people are in major debt or not saving for retirement, some people have free childcare in the form of nearby family, some people are willing to make major sacrifices like no vacations and moving to a LCOL area, and some people stick to one kid.
 
@fejesusor To each their own. It doesn't work for everyone. I live in the San Francisco area and moving to a LCOL would be a big sacrifice. The financial gain probably wouldn't be worth losing the weather, geography, vibe, amenities, etc.
 
@abraham7777 Yeah, you're right. You couldn't pay me enough to live in SF. This is coming from someone who, like I said, grew up in orange county CA and now lives in Michigan.
 
@duke845
  1. How can I manage it all? You can’t. Pick your battles, throw money at some of the problems if it’s in your budget but most of all divide up the tasks with your partner. It’s never going to be 50/50 100% of the time but don’t carry the whole load yourself. And if you are, losing the dead weight will only make your life easier. I haven’t met a woman who had divorced a deadbeat partner who regretted the divorce.
 
@kunjax Yeah I know he is a sexual harasser, but that quote stayed with me. I also really liked how parenting was depicted in his shows; his daughters were his heart and soul but also parenting was shown as difficult. And boring and relentless.
 
@andujartyler I really liked him and his work until the sexual harassment all came out and I felt so betrayed! Even went to a stand up show and loved it. Now I just think “Ugh! Why are you so insightful Louis but also such a dirtbag?!”
 
@kunjax Yas. We hired a cleaning service recently and it has 100% been worth it. Two dogs, 2.5 year old, and 5 month old with serious health issues - too many small creatures and all our free time was spent cleaning with no progress. My husband still isn't convinced but I love, love it.
 
@duke845 Master list of easy dinner recipes. Like pasta and frozen veggies. Or rice and pan fried chicken. Someone asked this the other day and a list of "quick weeknight recipes" would be good. I know most of us don't have the time, energy, or desire to cook after working and managing hangry toddlers while dinner assembles.
 
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