The moment you realize you’ve made it is when your baby will have the dad you didn’t

[garry25]

@verytroubledbythis Yes I wish it was that easy too, I had the benefit of waiting three years trying to conceive to see who I was really dealing with, but I also wanted to make DAMN sure regardless of what happened between us she’d have a solid dad.

 

[verytroubledbythis]

@garry25 Smart! I unfortunately was deep into a 10 year marriage before it went suddenly haywire. I have regrets about not pushing my career and focusing on his for sure. Hard when you have kids though & I am grateful I got to raise my 1st baby the way I did. Not so easy this time around. Feels so fresh and new!

 

[garry25]

@verytroubledbythis Yes I know marriage doesn’t always last but I can guarantee that his relationship with her will and that brings me peace. I also think the trials and tribulations of trying to conceive puts so much stress on a relationship that it either makes or breaks you. During those three years I literally ended up in the drunk tank cause my mental health got so bad he was there the next morning with coffee and a breakfast sandwich and THAT was the weekend we ended up conceiving lol. Three years of no drinking wanting to jump off a bridge and the weekend I go on a wild fear and loathing in loss Vegas bender that rocked our relationship us up was the weekend we conceived.

 

[verytroubledbythis]

@garry25 Omgsh I can’t even imagine! Well, congratulations to you!!

 

[garry25]

@verytroubledbythis Thank you looking at her fills me with so much joy

 

[tjdwns1291]

@garry25 I had this same complex and my husband has been a wonderful dad. I’ve never had to tell my husband to be a dad and his support started the day we saw that little gummy bear on my ultrasound. My son is 8 months old and lights up so much with a huge smile when he sees him. Sadly it’s so stark to my own father. Growing up experiencing verbal abuse from my parents, DV towards my mother and so much stalking from my father when he chose to leave makes relieved that my son will not experience that. For the parents who try their best in spite of their upbringing you’re doing a good job

 

[garry25]

@tjdwns1291 Yes! I find gen x parents who were raised by boomers really struggled but we as millennials/gen z are beginning to recognize the ways in which we were failed by gen x parents that weren’t interested in child rearing and pawned us off to boomer grandparents, and overall had different standards for child rearing. (We are healing) and we simply don’t have the same opportunities as our boomer grandparents and it really takes a collaborative effort from 2 people.

 

[dazey]

@garry25 I really wonder why, as a generation, we have become the turning point. Many of millennials’ parents are young boomers/older Gen X, yet millennials seem so much more attuned to their kids as a generation and interested in breaking toxic habits. We probably don’t give our own boomer/gen x parents enough credit for combating generational trauma that THEY saw, from parents surviving wars and Great Depression.

 

[garry25]

@dazey That’s true, my thought is it’s more survival these days, even with a good job raising a child on one income is damn near impossible, that and divorce was very frowned upon back then causing horrible shitty violence that inevitably impacted the children

 

[dazey]

@garry25 In my peer cohort I see a lot of grand and great-grandparents who are survivors of wars/veterans/immigrants. These people struggled majorly in life. The way to deal with these traumas was to just pretend they never happened. Their kids basically were only concerned with financial stability. Add to that rigid gender roles, rise of divorces, loads of untreated mental illness. But I think they probably largely paved the way for therapy to be as accessible and acceptable as it is for millennials, and that has led to greater general awareness of mental health and its impact on kids. The millennials in turn have disseminated a lot of this useful info on the internet, leading to overall higher quality of parenting. Not saying crappy parents don’t exist any more, just that on the whole, access to therapy and information has likely increased the standards.

 

[garry25]

@dazey We’re all actually poorer now then we were during the great depression

 

[jl090812]

@garry25 When we found out we were having a girl, I started crying and said, “omg she gets to have a good dad” Baby girl is 9 weeks old now and she does have a good dad!

 

[garry25]

@jl090812 Mines only 3 weeks and I remember the 20 week ultrasound being scared for her future and him reassuring me over and over again that it would be okay and she will be loved.

 

[garry25]

@jl090812 Mines only 3 weeks and I remember the 20 week ultrasound being scared for her future and him reassuring me over and over again that it would be okay and she will be loved.

 

[rosieisaposie]

@garry25 I also vowed to become the dad I never had.

Although I am still in preparation for it as my girlfriend is 32 weeks pregnant, she has & had a very tough pregnancy. Being sick to the point she couldnt hold any kind of fluids or food, so she had to go to the hospital numerous times. Luckily thats all over but now she's very weak and still recovering. Struggling to get her strength back and now getting weaker because of her body.

But im happy to help her and actually get annoyed if she picks something off the ground or grab something remotely heavy. I really looking forward to our little girl and cant wait to show her the world.

I dont know what its like for other countries, but we - dad's - only recently got more time off to be with a newborn. This used to be only 2 days!! Honestly, it kinda angres me thinking about it. Now we have 16 weeks, 9 weeks were added extra only as recent as last year. You better believe I will use this time to help my girlfriend out and be around our baby. Eventhough im not a big fan of the baby potatoes phase (i rather skip the first 6 months) but im more then happy to do my part.

 

[garry25]

@rosieisaposie You just wait, when you see your little potat you’ll be so in love they won’t look like a potato to you at all. Yes paternity leave is actually pathetic and men should have much more support having a baby isn’t easy!

 

[alex818]

@garry25 Yeah I was thinking the exact same thing, except I was scared I wouldn’t bond with her at all or emotionally attach, the minute she was pushed out by my fiancé I was attached, she’s only 5 days old but she’s never out of my arms! Fiancé loves it, and I love my little patato.

I was worried I wouldn’t bond and had made up a little song about her in the first 5 mins hahaha. I too had shitty parents both handed me over to each other and both chose partners and to have new families without me. My aunt and uncle raised me and she will be calling them nan and grandad. It’s a nonnegotiable that they’re made up with since they didn’t have kids themselves. As far as I’m concerned they’re my REAL parents

 

[garry25]

@alex818 That’s actually such a beautiful way to honour them in my goood I love that, did they never want kids or struggle with infertility? If it’s infertility you’ve literally given them such an amazing gift

 

[antonranil]

@garry25 My father was a neglectful addict. My partner had an abusive biological father and was adopted by his mom's husband in his late childhood. He was so scared of being like his biological father, but he's such a good dad. He's so over protective and nuturing. It really warms my heart that my daughter has the father that neither of us had as little children.

 

[garry25]

@antonranil Yes! I have a potty mouth and he literally covers the newborns ears and says “ don’t swear in front of my sweet baby” and scoops her up and it’s the sweetest thing. He will even get right in the tub with her and me to bathe her he’s very sweet. It’s so nice to see them choose family.