@souljaslim1 Aww yes mama or daddy come fix it. This is truly the way newborns communicate and it's a new world to them, all they know is you... so sad people think their newborns don't need them...
@souljaslim1 Breast fed babies wake up more often than formula babies and generally are harder to "sleep train".
ST is generally not a thing in non-Western countries... probably invented in countries that require mom's to return to work as soon possible for the capitalism agenda.
I did grow up in an asian country and was bottle fed. However, I was not sleep trained and crawled into my parents bed until I was 7 years at least sleeping with the caregiver was not seen as a big deal and kids are absolutely treasured.
@riseup Im in Australia too and also struggle with it but more from the perspective of doubting myself! Finding some friends & Instagram accounts who arenāt sleep training has helped a lot. Itās hard being different sometimes even though itās the norm in the rest of the world!
@riseup I try to be as tolerant as i can with other people and their approaches, but the stories about little little babies (12 weeks!!!!) being sleep trained really bother me. as do stories about kids outside of their routine or with non-regular caregivers being sleep trained (one of husband's friends told a story about taking their baby camping during sleep training and leaving him to cry in a tent, and someone i know mentioned they left their kid with grandparents to travel and when they got back baby was STTN and they think it was because the grandma just didn't respond at all at night). I change the subject immediately because i can't engage.
@riseup Sorry youāre surrounded by this. Good news is you have the internet and your own power of choice in how you parent!
Coming from a 13 month non sleep trained house- sometimes itās dicey lack of sleep periods. My baby mostly sleeps on his own. If he fusses in the night I let it go a little bit to see if itās just fleeting, but there is clearly a turn and a different sound when he lets us know heās not ok and needs a parent. He does go back to sleep on his own sometimes and he has really needy periods sometimes- especially with growth/development gains and after periods of schedule or time disruptions (looking at you super fun family trip to Hawaii).
But I love that Iām still breastfeeding, still comforting, still snuggling my baby for his comfort.
@proudtobefree Sounds like youāre doing an incredible job it sure can be tough around that age. But it must also feel nice providing that affection to your LO
@proudtobefree My little one is 16 months now, just started regularly sleeping through the night around Christmas. I know exactly what you mean about the changes in sound. We often let him fuss for 5 mins (or like... The time it takes to organize the bottle he needs) and he settles back down. But crying and screaming are different sounds than fussing.
Of course that doesn't mean we don't have any night wakeups now. But funny enough now that they aren't every single night I kind of actually enjoy rocking him back to sleep. Like, I realize one day he really will stop wanting this and it's pretty beautiful and I should enjoy it.
... definitely didn't "enjoy" it for the 13+ months of many wakeups, but it still felt right.
@riseup Ignoring the baby for a sec... (bad joke, soz)
Hands down THE BEST THING. I have done for MY OWN MENTAL HEALTH is to RESPOND to my baby and follow MY MATERNAL INSTINCTS.
No one knows how to parent until they are thrust into the role. So you parent towards a theme that's dictated by your values. I keep coming back to I want my baby to feel safe and loved
@riseup I haven't sleep trained but I was driven to the very brink and one night I did let him cry for half an hour before he fell asleep because I was filled with rage and sadness. I had an awful pregnancy with hyperemesis almost the whole time and had already been sleep deprived by the second trimester. I had an emergency c section, a traumatic 2nd night in the hospital alone where bubs nursed and cried all night long and then I got PPD.
My baby is now 13mo and he is now sleeping through the night most nights, but my sleep has been so bad for so long because he used to wake so frequently even while bed sharing, that it is still broken and I usually lie awake for at least an hour or two. I have not slept for more than 5 hours straight since I was pregnant.
All this to say, I don't judge those who sleep train as a last resort. Sleep deprivation is something else.
@riseup Iām totally against ST but honestly as a mom of a newborn and a toddler sometimes I have to put him down. And at least now he is happy to look at high contrast pictures and such. I donāt think letting him do that for 10-20 minutes while I spend needed quality time with my toddler (right there) is bad. Itās a balancing act.
@dancequeen12 Of course not. Iām not sure where you think I was insinuating we shouldnāt put our babies down? That would be ridiculous. As per above, itās about intent. These parents put their 12wk old babies in a room alone with a picture book for hours, even if they cry, with the aim of āteaching them independenceā. Which as we know is not possible.
@riseup Yeah ok. I just read the second one and thought it sounded like you thought it was a bad activity in general. Sorry. Iām not very socially adept
@riseup Not sure on advise in Australia but that is completely against UK safe guidelines(stay in same room except 5mins toilet breaks etc until 6 months)
I canāt read the stories: I still lay with my daughter, do anything I can to keep her comfortable at almost 3 years. Our son is due in 6 weeks and I wonāt sleep train him either even though everyone tells me āyou have to for your sanityā I cannot for my sanity and mental health. I will not harm my baby by letting them miss me.
@riseup People have sadly devolved. The idea than an infant you gestated for 9 months will be ready to cleave from you after the cord is cut is just too idealized. Couple that with women isolating themselves with their husbands pp and you have a recipe for emotional maturity disaster. My husband, god bless, him knew nothing about babies and frequently turned to the internet. I on the other hand am one of the oldest cousins and helped frequently with child rearing and also baby sat and tended to children in daycare settings. I do not need the internet and new age self identified gurus for raising children. Men used to be the ones more vulnerable to turning to these "sources" with the rise of nuclear families, but women are quickly catching up. The idea of training an infant for anything teems with masculine interpretations of mother-child bonding and care. I am not about that, on any level. I told my husband many many times pp to stay out of my way and go back to work. Our family is happier and healthier for it. With our family growing in a few months I will have doulas help. They have even more resources and respect to the infant-mother relationship that do not involve male idealized nonsense.
mama or daddy come fix it. This is truly the way newborns communicate and it's a new world to them, all they know is you... so sad people think their newborns don't need them...
sleeping with the caregiver was not seen as a big deal and kids are absolutely treasured.
it sure can be tough around that age. But it must also feel nice providing that affection to your LO
should be as simple as that right!
. However I slept a lot some weeks while pregnant(in between insomnia) so have some reserves.
