Still not adjusted at daycare after over 3 months -- help!

[hjm1952mar19]

@religiondoctor I'd agree the MWF schedule is probably hard to adjust to, on a M-F schedule Mondays are the worst. Whenever his schedule gets disrupted he fights going initially.

 

[religiondoctor]

@hjm1952mar19 That makes sense. Initially, the daycare suggested considering having her full time to get more into a daily routine of it. I really don't think that's the way to go, though -- the research I've seen and our doctor's insights suggest part-time is best if we can, which we can. Given that Mondays are hardest for even full time kids, though, I imagine day 1 of just 3 consecutive days could be even harder, because it's even more days off in between!

 

[sky12345]

@religiondoctor I would do shorter days but on 4-5 consecutive days if possible. More daily routine but not such long days.

 

[religiondoctor]

@sky12345 I think that's a great idea, just not compatible with my job

 

[carol_c]

@religiondoctor I've found that yeah, the first day back after a break can be a little tougher, but not so much that I'd take the "every day is Monday" toughness instead.

 

[religiondoctor]

@carol_c great point

 

[rwfender1]

@religiondoctor Could you possibly add a 4th day, even if it's a part day, to lessen the break between weeks? When kids are that young 4 days is practically an eternity.

 

[religiondoctor]

@rwfender1 True. And it is possible, but I don't know if more days is the answer, especially since I can't do shorter or half-days. There is something to be said for keeping it familiar and avoiding long stretches away, so I'll give it more thought. But from what I've read and our doctor's recommendations, and what I know of my girl, I think more time might be worse for her.

 

[revdstephen]

@religiondoctor Can she go 9 to lunch everyday? The routine might make it better

 

[religiondoctor]

@azark Hm, thank you for bringing this up! I hadn't thought about switching who does drop-off... another thing to think about! That said, I don't know if my husband will be able to do it consistently, given his work schedule, but we could discuss it.

That said, we've gotten to a point where most drop-offs are no tears, and sometimes she's just rearin' to go. The tears tend to come after I'm already gone. So I don't think it's the drop-off that's the biggest trigger for her? I don't know.

 

[dorothymckenzie]

@religiondoctor It is really going to be based on your daughter on whether 3 consecutive days straight is good for her. My oldest doesn’t do well at home when they spend 3 days where the majority of the day away from me. Two days and at the end of they day they protest every action bringing them closer to bedtime because they didn’t have special me and them time.

If she can take something with her I would recommend a special travel friend (buy 3) one for at home, one for at day care and one for in the wash. This way you don’t have to actually have the friend travel with, this should help you not lose it in a parking lot. Bring the day care one home every Friday for wash, the wash one becomes the home one and the original home one becomes day care one.

 

[religiondoctor]

@dorothymckenzie Right, that's a good point. Depends on the kid. To be honest, I'm not sure what she'd do better with! I don't want to change it on her too much at least. But I do wonder what would be better for her. Our doctor figures 3 in a row can be a bit much for them at this age, by day 3 they can be tired and just craving time with mom n dad. But I'm also hearing lots of success stories and rationales behind consecutive days. Sigh. So hard to know.

 

[shonspawnel]

@religiondoctor I agrée with others. For her LO, every day at daycare might feel like a “Monday”. I’d try 3 consecutive days. Are other kids in her class full time and is she missing out on other activities that they get to do? At that age, she likely wouldn’t pick up on that but just asking.

The idea on 5 half days is good too although you might interrupt nap and lunch.

 

[religiondoctor]

@shonspawnel true about the multiple "Mondays" vs. just one.
Other kids are mostly full time, though some are part time. They do the same activities pretty much every day (well, same routine, different variations while maintaining familiarity). But ya I don't think that's something even on her radar yet. She probably has no idea the other kids go on days she doesn't.

 

[sifiso]

@religiondoctor You should ask the teachers if they know why specifically she is crying. Once you know the trigger for the behavior, you’ll know what to do. For example, if it’s missing your warmth, allowing her to bring something from home to snuggle, or if it’s permanece issues, to read stories that reassure her that you really are going to come back every day etc. It could even be something more random like not settling well with the snacks or being frustrated at the fact that her clothes aren’t comfortable enough for all the daycare activities… so knowing is the first step!

 

[religiondoctor]

@sifiso If only we could know. I have asked, and they have a few insights but mostly it's unknown. I think it's mostly about being away from me? But I'm wondering if it's actually that she's just not so sure about one of the teachers or something. Maybe she just feels a bit unsettled/uncertain, and maybe that's why she just wants that one teacher by her all the time, because that's how she feels most safe?

Good point though that it really could be anything. She wasn't doing great at meals but tried a few things and found that putting her at a different table helped (instead of a high chair), but now that's not enough most the time it seems.

 

[andybrooks]

@religiondoctor In the UK they assign a “key worker“ for this reason. Basically the primary teacher for a kid even if there are multiple teachers in the room (say 15 kids with three teachers, every teacher will know all 15, but will have five they are the “key worker” for). It’s not a perfect system but does allow for a bit more bonding and a system for it.

You said she is really attached to one teacher - she is likely trying to bond with that teacher in particular but not the others. Which is fairly normal for a new kid in daycare, really. They pick an adult they trust the most and want to be around. If that adult is then unavailable, it’s harder.

 

[religiondoctor]

@andybrooks Mhmm, I wish her "key" teacher could be there all the time for her. But sometimes she just has to tend to other kids (4:1 ratio when all kids are in attendance, though it's usually less than that), and sometimes she's away for being sick or whatnot. I'm grateful that they are supportive of her having a key person, though. They have an approach where they recognize a child might "choose" a key person to bond with at first, then gradually feel more comfortable with all 3 teachers.

 

[sifiso]

@religiondoctor Hmmm yeah it’s a tricky one. At that point it would be worth asking the teacher that she’s attached to in particular, as that teacher might know something the others don’t. And maybe just on mommy personality instinct, if you observe (her?) for a while, you might catch on to what is so special about that one in particular that you might want to relay to the rest of the daycare.

 

[religiondoctor]

@sifiso Mhmm, I've chatted with that teacher quite a bit, but she doesn't seem to have much more insight. I think her energy and personality are more close to mine than the others, which would make sense my girl is drawn to that. Also, when we were doing our slow transition, this teacher would be the one to engage in conversation with me the most as well. I think this helped my daughter feel more like she's trustworthy because it felt more like a friend, where I had to work a bit harder to model connection with the others by asking them questions about their life or asking how they're doing, etc. I had more in common with this one teacher, so chatting came easily, and I think my daughter picked up on that.