Son broke up with his girlfriend because she was too “freaky”

[olag]

@rme09 Just latch onto any interests your kids have, and enable them to follow them. Share that time with them.

Sit down with your kids and have grown-up conversations with them when they ask mature questions. You can guide your answer to buffer the content or tell it in a way that they will understand better using metaphor, but we never dismiss questions our daughter has about the world.

I do my best to never outright dismiss my daughter because i'm "Busy". That's telling her that I value other things more than her. Instead, I always tell her "As soon as i'm at a good stopping point, I'd love to hear more about it!", and if it's genuinely something I can just set down and walk away from, I always do.

At the end of the way, just respect your kids time, and try your best to be interested in what they're interested in. They'll develop a sense that you're always in their corner, and always there to talk to, and always willing to make time for them.

That translates to more open lines of communication as your kids get older, and I hope, that when she's feeling not great, she comes to me to have a root beer and talk about a problem rather than sending nudes to some idiot teenager seeking validation because she coudln't get it from me or my wife.

Who knows, I'm just making this shit up as I go along, but as a parent with parents that didn't do any of this, I know what NOT to do.

 

[kalyfe]

When it comes to suspicion of sexual abuse of a.minor you don't "wait around and see". You report what you know to those who can investigate

 

[mikeyt0505]

@kalyfe Real talk - who is that in this situation? Obviously not the parents, but maybe school counselor?

I don't know my role in this situation as "ex boyfriend's dad." I know a counselor will be a mandatory reporter, but going to the police actually does feel like taking things too far.

EDIT: other posts have suggested a trusted teacher, this makes sense to me.

 

[alliesdad]

@mikeyt0505 Always the school social worker. Always. They are ethically bound to investigate, whereas teachers hearing second or third hand about something might be less inclined because they don’t have as many avenues of support options. Teachers often feel they have to choose between doing nothing and making a mandated report. The school social worker can check in with the student and have open dialogue with the student, assess other signs, and initiate a report from there.

 

[lauriestair]

@kalyfe 100% she was taught this in a very sad way. Great that OP’s kid said no thank you. But I hope she gets therapy.

 

[hollymatro]

@berra While this isn't cool. I think yall forgot what being 13 was like. Hormones are fucking crazy at that age with some people. Both sides.

 

[berra]

@hollymatro I also agree. I knew some thirteen year old girls (with nice parents and no signs of abuse whatsoever) that did a lot of things that would make me uncomfortable as a parent.

I guess it is our task to teach them about the risks and how to avoid them, as we are not able to lock them in and they are going to make their experiences anyways.

IMPORTANT: Not just girls / not just boys! Responsibility is mostly shared even though having a baby is a lot more responsibility for the girl (as the utereus can not be shared).

 

[tinyhomebiglife]

@berra Righth? As a dad to a little girl reading this shit broke my heart.

 

[clandrovers]

@berra From your son’s POV-As a former 13 year old boy, like all of us, there’s actually something that’s too much of a good thing. If a girl comes across as TOO into you, too fast, it’s a turn off and reeks of desperation and/or low self confidence, neither of which are attractive qualities.

Sending dirty pics constantly would be a sign of both of these. The old adage in show business applies: “always leave your audience wanting more.”

From a fellow dad POV, it’s very alarming, as others have said, that it could also be a red flag for other major issues, even worse than low self esteem and desperation.

 

[berra]

@clandrovers Yep maybe the girl is learning what guys find attractive and what is "too much of a good thing", the hard way.

I hope her stuff doesnt end up on the internet.

 

[stonefist]

@jaxsn Good on your son. As others have said, make sure those photos are deleted from all devices and any cloud accounts as well.

Reach out to her parents and let them know to monitor her devices more and put on parental controls - she's not ready for unmonitored access to the Internet.

 

[solochristo65]

@jaxsn Mom here. I had this issue last year with a 15 y.o boy sending pics to my 13 y.o. We contacted the school, who went as far as telling his parents. But he kept harassing her afterwards so he obviously didn’t have any repercussions or conversations. We actually ended up going to the local police about it. The thought was that if the police showed up at their door with a warning, they would take it seriously.

Everyone is right though, the concern of the police was technically the child photos. They had her factory reset her phone and everything. He ended up having to go to court for harassment because he was still trying to sneak conversations.

I would have done the same thing if the gender roles were reversed. It’s not ok when either gender does it. Your son is smart for sticking to his boundaries about this and communicating it with you.

 

[justhereforthefunny]

@jaxsn As a cop i’d bring it up to the superintendent/principal and get local police involved. She may be sending them to older men as well if she’s showing this behavior so young. There may be things going on at home causing this behavior. She wont necessarily get in trouble for what she did. But can have some intervention/counseling/etc. and hopefully curb any progression.

 

[softart]

@justhereforthefunny That kind of feels like a way to accidently get yourself in trouble. Lol

 

[ner1996]

@softart If you have the means it would probably be best to get a lawyer to get the school and police involved. With family plans and cloud storage it's entirely possible that Mom or Dad unknowingly has nude pictures of a 13 year old in the cloud even if the son deletes them locally.

 

[justhereforthefunny]

@softart ? Guess some people dont understand law. God forbid she says she sent him nudes and he has em on his phone and never told anyone.

 

[seatofpants]

@justhereforthefunny Respectfully, I think some of us have had encounters with very unreasonable police officers that act in unpredictable ways that can have horrible effects. I think the poster meant it’s a good idea for OP to talk to their lawyer rather than go to the police directly. Some police officers’ reactions can be very difficult to predict.

 

[thisisit]

@jaxsn Honestly, I would probably also try to have a chat with the other kid's parents, before she got herself in a much worse situation. Also make sure that you kid deletes all of those photos

 

[maximillia]

@jaxsn Also, good on you for having a relationship with your son that would allow him to share all of that with you! I know there is no way in hell I would have told my dad about that shit when I was 13. Dad goals!

 

[linlishan]

@jaxsn Weird question here. At what point is it appropriate to talk to the other kid's parent about something like this? Obviously depending on the kind of stuff being sent the other kid could be exposing themselves to all kinds of legal repercussions. Even beyond that it's a 13 yr old engaging in pretty risky behavior right?