@galinally Yep. I totally get what you are saying. My family is similar. Not sure what will happen in the future (my parents are quite elderly)…it’s been hard because when I was pregnant a few years ago my younger sibling didn’t seem to care. It was sad. I didn’t get that “normal” sibling happiness, especially between girls, during my pregnancy. I was pregnant at her wedding and she seemed angry. At one point even said “is there anything else going on in your life besides pregnancy?”. Time may eventually make us closer (I hope?). But we just never know. Honestly that experience, along with infertility has made me more OAD. My half sister is OAD as well and he son is doing great, had lots of friends and is close to 20 now. There’s still part of me that questions but families of all sizes are awesome.
@ambassadorforchrist For what it's worth, you can be one of five kids and still be lonely.
The big thing for me is there's no guarantee that siblings will get along. I had and continue to have an amazing relationship with my sibling but we're unusually close; I have seen firsthand that sometimes siblings will never get along.
My only has vibrant, loving relationships with her cousins, friends and classmates. She's rarely lonely because we surround ourselves with people she actually clicks with, not just happen to be in the same family.
@ambassadorforchrist I have 5 siblings and am not close to any of them. And always felt like I “should” be. But my best friends are my closest relationships and always will be.
@mikael7 Yes I have 3 siblings and two of them don’t talk to me anymore (Covid fear broke them). We were close growing up but I think it had more to do with living in a toxic/abusive home… we were each others safe space. When we became adults we drifted apart. My husband has two siblings and he regrets not being a better older brother (he’s 5 and 7 years older).
For me, it boils down to the cons outweighing the pros of having a second. And also realizing that I'd be giving into societal pressure of giving my son a sibling, rather than following my true desires of having more children. At least for right now, that's how I feel.
It's so hard to not think about all the things I might miss out on though. I personally have a close relationship with my sister and I'm also friendly with my siblings-in-law. But I'm stretched so thin right now with no village, so my mental health can't take another baby.
@david762 So i met with my friend today and she told me people guilt her about not having anymore. She just tells them she can’t have anymore and that shuts them up pretty fast!
@ambassadorforchrist Why do you think everyone has 2nd babies? Because it's "what you do". Your cousin apparently felt the same pressure as you, but was weak enough to surrender. And is now expecting (or already has) a kid she not really wants but felt obligated to provide because of the only child stigma. So many families go through tough times all for this duty to raise siblings. Your daughter on the contrary is lucky to keep her privileges as your only child. I'm an only myself and this bond you have with your parents is amazing.
@ambassadorforchrist My husband and I are both highly sensitive and no surprise so is our son. My pregnancy was 24/7 nausea, but I thoroughly was in heaven becoming a mother. My husband has had a verrry difficult time with each new stage, but he would love another kid. I was OAD until last summer and thought I had changed my diet enough to not experience the nausea again — but it didn’t. I’m top of that we then lost the pregnancy, our son turned two and my husband and I began fighting over parenting styles. We’ve just now emerged on the other side and I’m feeling so comfortable with where we’re going as a family of 3. I hate saying this but I believe our loss was the catalyst of me seeing how I can’t go through all that again. These are my reasons and I think it’s good to remind myself that no one else has my experience so they have no say and their opinions or comments really don’t bother me.
Lately I’ve been considering a more permanent way to make sure I’m OAD. How long was your tubal healing post surgery?
