@arbin You’re in the thick of it!! Right around this time, I suddenly wanted another baby…it made zero sense lol. It was hormones for sure and emotions all around & a new baby and new life. It’s a lot. Just take things day by day and enjoy when you can your babes little smiles and precious moments. Take a lot of pics/videos and journal how you feel/what’s going on that you might forget but love. Lots of things in life are like this…both sad/melancholy and yet good and right…it’s ok, we feeeeeel you!
Sometimes I get sad
- Thread starter arbin
- Start date
@arbin My husband received a stage IV cancer diagnosis when our LO was about 5 months old. My husband had been in significant pain for pretty much the entirety of our newborn’s life and it took months for the final diagnosis to come in.
We were give about five minutes at the end of the meeting with the doctors who finally provided a diagnosis (however terrible that diagnosis was), to make a decision about saving and storing my husband’s sperm. It was almost like an after thought from the doctors to even bring this up - and maybe given the severity of the situation they really just wanted to get started on treatment.
We were already OAD so it was a quick conversation for us but if we hadn’t already made the decision to be OAD, on top of everything else happening, that would have been an incredibly difficult discussion and we would not have had the time to do so (husband got final diagnosis on a Thursday afternoon and was told to check in to the hospital to begin treatment the following morning - we had less than 24 hours from final diagnosis to start of treatment to even wrap our heads around what was happening let alone think about saving speed).
But like others have mentioned, I think the sadness comes from having the choice taken away from you and having it taken away under super stressful and emergency conditions.
We likely couldn’t have more kids now even if we weren’t OAD (treatment took too much of a toll on things) but it’s okay to feel however you are feeling and like others have said, probably good to talk it through with a professional.
Stay well!
We were give about five minutes at the end of the meeting with the doctors who finally provided a diagnosis (however terrible that diagnosis was), to make a decision about saving and storing my husband’s sperm. It was almost like an after thought from the doctors to even bring this up - and maybe given the severity of the situation they really just wanted to get started on treatment.
We were already OAD so it was a quick conversation for us but if we hadn’t already made the decision to be OAD, on top of everything else happening, that would have been an incredibly difficult discussion and we would not have had the time to do so (husband got final diagnosis on a Thursday afternoon and was told to check in to the hospital to begin treatment the following morning - we had less than 24 hours from final diagnosis to start of treatment to even wrap our heads around what was happening let alone think about saving speed).
But like others have mentioned, I think the sadness comes from having the choice taken away from you and having it taken away under super stressful and emergency conditions.
We likely couldn’t have more kids now even if we weren’t OAD (treatment took too much of a toll on things) but it’s okay to feel however you are feeling and like others have said, probably good to talk it through with a professional.
Stay well!
@benserink Im so sorry. That sounds horrible. I am on a list to be seen but this was the first time i finally said everything out loud. From start to finish. I feel just getting it out has helped immensely. I have finally gotten to openly feel these feelings instead of pushing them away.
inquisitor82
New member
@arbin I think it’s totally natural to feel that way. Your choice was taken from you. In addition, you’ve been through a trauma… all child birth is a trauma in itself and so completely life changing but when things don’t go as expected it’s even harder. It will get better. My husband and I were OAD before we tried getting pregnant with the plan of him getting a vasectomy. But he was much more certain than I was. Over time, especially as I came to know my daughter, I became more certain about being one and done. I know it’s right for her and our family. So that sadness about not having another has faded. I like being able to give her my full attention. Luckily that’s the case because due to health issues, I will have to have a hysterectomy in the next year, but I can say thank you, uterus, you gave me my daughter, now good bye. But if I had had to get a tubal during my delivery I would have felt sad as well. It’s only with the time passing and getting to know my girl that I’ve felt more sure.
What hasn’t faded are my difficult feelings about child birth and my c-section recovery and the PPA I experienced. That’s going to take me a bit longer.
You will get back to feeling like yourself again though. I found after a year that things got a lot better. It might still stir up a bit every time your child goes through a change (at least that’s what happens with me), so it’s good to be gentle with yourself during those transitions.
What hasn’t faded are my difficult feelings about child birth and my c-section recovery and the PPA I experienced. That’s going to take me a bit longer.
You will get back to feeling like yourself again though. I found after a year that things got a lot better. It might still stir up a bit every time your child goes through a change (at least that’s what happens with me), so it’s good to be gentle with yourself during those transitions.
@inquisitor82 Thank you I'm trying to be gentle 