ambassadorforchrist
New member
This is a rant on my feelings and a bit of sad and mixed emotions. I need some words of support and encouragement. Maybe even hearing some Only child experiences.
Oh man y’all. Where do I start? I was here about a year and a half ago with some really horrible perinatal depression. I was scared to have a child and was certain I never wanted to experience pregnancy again. I got a tubal (bisalp) nd my husband a vasectomy. After a 40 hour labor, preeclampsia and unplanned c section. The only way we can have more kids is through IVF.
Anyways
My daughter is one now and she is the absolute love of my life. I love her so much.. There are times I think. Did I set her up to have a childhood of loneliness? I know we say even with siblings you can be lonely which is true. However, even though I didn’t get a long with my siblings growing up there were some fun times.
My cousin who was one and done decided to have another child to give them a siblings. People I was pregnant with at the same time are already pregnant with their second kid.they all seem really happy. My thoughts when I hear a pregnancy are jealousy, sadness and little relief that it’s not me. Relief I don’t have to split my time for another baby and my daughter who already loves all my attention. I keep wondering if I’m broken in someway? I would love to believe that even if I didn’t cut my tubes I would’ve made the same OAD choice. I just don’t know why I made a choice so final during a MH crisis. My husband got a vasectomy first because he knew the invasive surgery for a tubal. The unplanned c section approved me for a tubal so I got one at the time.
I am seeing a friend this weekend who planned to have 5 kids but 7 years later she decided she is one and done. She is bringing her daughter too so maybe this will be a good visit and I will get a little glimpse of what my life will look like.
If you’re still here thanks so much for listening. Best subreddit!
Oh man y’all. Where do I start? I was here about a year and a half ago with some really horrible perinatal depression. I was scared to have a child and was certain I never wanted to experience pregnancy again. I got a tubal (bisalp) nd my husband a vasectomy. After a 40 hour labor, preeclampsia and unplanned c section. The only way we can have more kids is through IVF.
Anyways
My daughter is one now and she is the absolute love of my life. I love her so much.. There are times I think. Did I set her up to have a childhood of loneliness? I know we say even with siblings you can be lonely which is true. However, even though I didn’t get a long with my siblings growing up there were some fun times.
My cousin who was one and done decided to have another child to give them a siblings. People I was pregnant with at the same time are already pregnant with their second kid.they all seem really happy. My thoughts when I hear a pregnancy are jealousy, sadness and little relief that it’s not me. Relief I don’t have to split my time for another baby and my daughter who already loves all my attention. I keep wondering if I’m broken in someway? I would love to believe that even if I didn’t cut my tubes I would’ve made the same OAD choice. I just don’t know why I made a choice so final during a MH crisis. My husband got a vasectomy first because he knew the invasive surgery for a tubal. The unplanned c section approved me for a tubal so I got one at the time.
I am seeing a friend this weekend who planned to have 5 kids but 7 years later she decided she is one and done. She is bringing her daughter too so maybe this will be a good visit and I will get a little glimpse of what my life will look like.
If you’re still here thanks so much for listening. Best subreddit!