So. Freaking. Burnt. Out

[cornerstoneeg]

I'm a SAHM to a very sweet, but very wild 2 year old. He hates sleeping. I'm 7 months pregnant. My husband is gone from 7:15 to 5:30 M-F. Our families live 2 hours away. We can't ever afford a sitter. Our options during the day are limited because of cov*d. All I do it cook, clean, and play with a toddler. When nap time comes around I'm too tried to do anything other than sleep. I'm so tired. And so jealous of all these people who have parents or friends or nannies who will watch their kid for the weekend. Or even for an hour during the day. I've seen my son almost every single day for 2 years. I can count on both hands the number of times I've had someone keep him overnight.

And I feel like I'm not allowed to complain because I get to stay home with my son where we play and nap and watch movies. And my husband goes to work all day and comes home and still helps me take care of our son. Why should I be burnt out? He isn't.

Y'all I'm so so tired. And I don't see a way to fix this.

 

[andysam]

@cornerstoneeg I hear you. I have a very active 18 month old and im 38 weeks pregnant. I always feel like a failure because no matter what, I can't keep up. And yeah, you dont think you can complain because blah blah blah.

I don't have any advice. My only somewhat comforting thought is at least im used to not sleeping? Because my son doesn't sleep either.

Pretty sure by the time it gets better I will have lost my sanity.

No advice but you arent alone.

 

[cornerstoneeg]

@andysam That's it. I just can't keep up. I try and I try, but it's like no matter how many times we go to the park, we always have to do more. No matter how many loads of dishes or laundry I do, there's always more.

 

[andysam]

@cornerstoneeg I definitely haven't gone outside as much as I should. I feel bad like they are both gonna get the short end of the stick this winter

 

[cornerstoneeg]

@andysam We're saved because we live within walking distance of a nice little park. Plus going to the park got easier over the last 6 months. At 2 the park is a lot more fun because they can play on their own more. I didn't take him much when he was 18 mo.

 

[andysam]

@cornerstoneeg He's a lot more capable than he should be for his age i think. That's the problem I seriously can't keep up at this point and if he sprints toward the road it hurts to hustle and bend down and grab him.

 

[cornerstoneeg]

@andysam My son is physically advanced too. He was walking by 10 months. There's a pretty big mental growth that happens between 18 and 24 months. It's not that they won't sprint for the road ever, but they're less likely too. lol! They're just a little more autonomous and it made a big difference. In the last 6 months my son started sleeping through the night, talking (he had zero words before 18 months), and potty trained. He's done a lot of cognitive growing. But I wouldn't want to chase anyone at 38 weeks. I don't want to now. Haha!

 

[katrina2017]

@andysam I was just in your shoes not long ago. My son is almost 2 ( it a great sleeper either) and I now have a 2 week old. Just wanted to pop in and say I feel like I have more energy now with a toddler and newborn than I did when I was that pregnant. Taking care of young children when you are at the end of your pregnancy is so exhausting! I hope this is the case for you too.

Also the lack of sleep doesn’t hit as hard with the second. You feel kinda used to it!

 

[jasminepetty]

@katrina2017 Yes! Agree with all of this, mine are 18 months apart. Pregnancy and pp was rough and I needed more help than I had. My best advice is honestly just nap every single time you get the chance. Have your kiddo “help” with the basic necessity chores (dishes, laundry, wiping counter) they will love it and it will make it more enjoyable and possible to accomplish. Doesn’t need to be perfect!

It’s soooo hard to see any good in the future when you’re that burnt out. I’m speaking from experience I never thought I’d get through everything I’ve dealt with this year. But now that baby is a little bigger and we’ve settled into our routine I can finally breathe again and see a future that continues to get better rather than “oh holy fuck I can’t wash another dish ever again because then there will be MORE and also DIAPERS I can’t do this I’m drowning”. It’s OK to not be ok and lean hard into any support you have, even if it’s just your partner. You got this mama!

 

[annemoon]

@cornerstoneeg There is no truer hell than being pregnant with a toddler. I've done it 3x. It never gets better.

It is temporary though. Play statues with him. Your statue is a sleepy one that lays on its left side. You will get through this.

PS: 2 and 4 is almost as fun as pregnant with a toddler.

 

[cornerstoneeg]

@annemoon I appreciate the heads up! I wish my son would play a game like statues. He's never been still in his life. The closest I can get is a game where I pretend to be asleep and he says, "wake up!" and I pretend to be scared awake.

 

[chris2552]

@cornerstoneeg I hear that. My 3yo kid is also wild and we play the “find things” game instead. I sit on the couch and get him to find things and bring them to me. This keeps him entertained for 30m or so. I try to end with “find me something we can eat” haha

 

[cornerstoneeg]

@chris2552 Hahaha! That's a great idea!

 

[annemoon]

@cornerstoneeg I feel you! My oldest has ADHD and has never sat still, stopped napping at 18 months and is basically a frenetic ball of energy.

Get through the pregnancy and you'll be set. Right now you feel worse as each day goes by, physically and mentally. Just the opposite happens after you have the baby. It's hard as hell, I've been a sahm since #2, my youngest (#4) is now 2. Not a day goes by that I don't find myself saying "I'm getting too old for this shit."

 

[cornerstoneeg]

@annemoon I have ADHD (which is not helping me mentally) and I'm sure my son has it. He's just still too young for an official diagnosis.

How far apart are your kids? We'd like to have 4 before I'm 35, but we'd have to have them all 2 years apart to make that haooeny.

 

[annemoon]

@cornerstoneeg They are 26 mos, 34 mos and 22 mos.

My oldest was born a few weeks before I turned 30 and our last was right before I turned 37. I just turned 39 and I'm wondering where my 30's went.

It is the best age gap though. The 34 month gap is between my second son and only girl. It's hard to say if that has more of a bearing on their relationship than the genders. They love each other to the moon but the teasing/screaming is incessant.

You take the good with the not so good and build your tribe. Before you know it you're so adept (jaded) that nothing bothers you.

 

[jenniferallain]

@annemoon Oh man. What about pregnant with 2 and 4? Not sure if I can do it

 

[kebo]

@cornerstoneeg I’m also a SAHM, one nearly three year old who acts like he’s on Crystal meth, e’s and redbull. It’s hard, your other half like my other half gets to go to work. He has a peaceful shower, he goes to the toilet unattended, he doesn’t have to have his hot coffee in a travel mug with a lock because his manager will sneak up on him and slap it out of his hands and laugh whilst your nethers are burnt. He has it easy, he’s not making another human being, he’s not having to constantly adapt his strategies with his client every other hour, that’s why he’s not burnt out. Ask for more time for yourself, you need it and you deserve it.

 

[cornerstoneeg]

@kebo "he doesn’t have to have his hot coffee in a travel mug with a lock because his manager will sneak up on him and slap it out of his hands and laugh whilst your nethers are burnt." This really hit home and made me laugh out loud (I needed that, thank you). My husband can also reply to a Reddit comment without his coworker sticking their finger in his nose and crying because he can't fit in my husband's shirt with him.

 

[kebo]

@cornerstoneeg Yup! My husband told me once that he had to work all day and he was tired and when would he get a break! I nearly lost my mind!