I’m not sure what I’m asking for with this post. Maybe advice? Reassurance? Strategies?
I stay at home with my daughter who is 8mo. This is ‘normal’ in the UK as most mothers take 9-12 months maternity leave. However, I have handed my notice in and won’t be going back to work for the foreseeable future.
Currently, I care for her all night and all day time. Husband does 6-7.30am (when he’s getting ready for work) and bedtime routine although I ‘put her down’.
However, I feel like I don’t do anything else / enough. He does all the evening cooking (while I’m putting her to sleep). He does the washing. He does the food shopping. He does most of the cleaning. On top of a full time job (teacher).
I just feel like, as I have chosen to take on the job of SAHP, I should be stepping up and managing most of those responsibilities as well as childcare. I feel like he’s giving more to the family than I am. But I’m so exhausted that I don’t know how to do more.
Baby has gastrointestinal problems (investigating whether it is complex non-IgE food allergies). Because of this she’s only on small amounts of mashed potato twice a day, so I have to breastfeed her every 2 hours to ensure calories are met, this includes throughout the night. She’s often in a lot of tummy pain (we’ve been told to stop giving her regular pain killers) which at best, I find emotionally difficult to have her cry and not be able to help, and at worst, she’s up for 2 hours at a time during the night unable to sleep. She poops 2-6 times a day, often crying and straining for 30-120mins before, then they’re explosive so need full outfit change and often a bath. Because of her possible allergies and breastfeeding, I’m on a restricted diet where I can’t eat 15 allergens so it’s next to impossible to eat/drink out (which is usually how my friends meet up). And then because she’s frequently in pain and frequently nursing, I can’t/ won’t leave her for more than 30mins to get some ‘me time’. Hence I’m so exhausted.
Husband is totally fine with this setup. But I have lots of friends with babies of the same age who seem to be ‘rocking it’ as SAHP and are managing all responsibilities. Yet I’m not.
Edit
Thank you so much for everyone’s kind and supportive comments. I was expecting a couple of people to list some strategies or routines to get me to do more. But when I saw it was full of affirming and reassuring comments, I got super emotional (had a good cry). I’ve spoken with my husband (and shown him the post). He echos what all of you were saying and doesn’t feel like he’s overwhelmed with how much he’s contributing. However, we are going to look into getting a cleaner once a month to deep clean the main rooms. I’m able to keep most things tidy and it’d be easier to manage the cleaning if it’s just surface things to do. We also might look at doing online food shops, we’ve always held off this in the past because we usually shop at a cheaper supermarket that doesn’t offer it (Lidl) but with my dietary restrictions we’re having to go to Tesco anyway so might as well get it delivered! Thank you again fo taking the time and energy to comment, I’m going to try to work through replying to each comment around baby (might take until this evening!).
I stay at home with my daughter who is 8mo. This is ‘normal’ in the UK as most mothers take 9-12 months maternity leave. However, I have handed my notice in and won’t be going back to work for the foreseeable future.
Currently, I care for her all night and all day time. Husband does 6-7.30am (when he’s getting ready for work) and bedtime routine although I ‘put her down’.
However, I feel like I don’t do anything else / enough. He does all the evening cooking (while I’m putting her to sleep). He does the washing. He does the food shopping. He does most of the cleaning. On top of a full time job (teacher).
I just feel like, as I have chosen to take on the job of SAHP, I should be stepping up and managing most of those responsibilities as well as childcare. I feel like he’s giving more to the family than I am. But I’m so exhausted that I don’t know how to do more.
Baby has gastrointestinal problems (investigating whether it is complex non-IgE food allergies). Because of this she’s only on small amounts of mashed potato twice a day, so I have to breastfeed her every 2 hours to ensure calories are met, this includes throughout the night. She’s often in a lot of tummy pain (we’ve been told to stop giving her regular pain killers) which at best, I find emotionally difficult to have her cry and not be able to help, and at worst, she’s up for 2 hours at a time during the night unable to sleep. She poops 2-6 times a day, often crying and straining for 30-120mins before, then they’re explosive so need full outfit change and often a bath. Because of her possible allergies and breastfeeding, I’m on a restricted diet where I can’t eat 15 allergens so it’s next to impossible to eat/drink out (which is usually how my friends meet up). And then because she’s frequently in pain and frequently nursing, I can’t/ won’t leave her for more than 30mins to get some ‘me time’. Hence I’m so exhausted.
Husband is totally fine with this setup. But I have lots of friends with babies of the same age who seem to be ‘rocking it’ as SAHP and are managing all responsibilities. Yet I’m not.
Edit
Thank you so much for everyone’s kind and supportive comments. I was expecting a couple of people to list some strategies or routines to get me to do more. But when I saw it was full of affirming and reassuring comments, I got super emotional (had a good cry). I’ve spoken with my husband (and shown him the post). He echos what all of you were saying and doesn’t feel like he’s overwhelmed with how much he’s contributing. However, we are going to look into getting a cleaner once a month to deep clean the main rooms. I’m able to keep most things tidy and it’d be easier to manage the cleaning if it’s just surface things to do. We also might look at doing online food shops, we’ve always held off this in the past because we usually shop at a cheaper supermarket that doesn’t offer it (Lidl) but with my dietary restrictions we’re having to go to Tesco anyway so might as well get it delivered! Thank you again fo taking the time and energy to comment, I’m going to try to work through replying to each comment around baby (might take until this evening!).