Recently made friend bathed my child while looking after her (5 yr old)

[rkj]

@spiritualgrowth I think it might just be a failure to communicate or a difference in family dynamics or culture. It's really common in some families that everyone, even kids, bathe every day. The idea of not giving a bath to someone staying in their house might not even really register, and thus, giving a bath wouldn't even be on the radar as inappropriate. Same with kids so young of different genders.

I'd talk to your daughter and to J about it. Find out if your daughter felt forced or uncomfortable. If not, then have a talk with J about your expectations, though do so in a way that is not accusatory.

 

[davida1949]

@rkj I'm sorry, but... where is it common that adults or kids NOT bathe every day?

Genuine question.

 

[maggie1105]

@davida1949 You’re not really supposed to bathe everyday! Your body and hair needs its natural oils. We bathe a lot more in warmer weather, than in the winter.

 

[davida1949]

@maggie1105 Jeez.

Don't you smell, though?

 

[richlove]

@davida1949 Unless you've done a heavy workout you generally can go 2-3 days without bathing. Just make sure you change into clean clothes.

In high humidity countries though, I'd bath every day only because I sweat just walking out of the house.

 

[sweetmeggie]

@davida1949 What the hell are you doing that you do smell? My kids bathe as they please, usually once a week at least. Even after a week they dont smell lol. And I'm unltra sensitive to smell.

I might wash off their feet if they've been outside but thats it.

 

[katrina2017]

@sweetmeggie I wake up and I stink. I go to work and I stink. I NEED to bathe every day otherwise my hair sticks to my neck due to night sweats and the fact I sweat so bad while I’m at work I have to have a bath on a morning. I probably don’t smell at all but I think I do and can’t hack the thought of looking/smelling bad.

 

[rkj]

@davida1949 It's actually much more common to not bathe everyday.

I usually shower every other night and wash my hair every other shower, unless I've done some heavy lifting or am ill. Washing too much is really bad for your skin and hair. It strips the natural oils and protestants away and can leave a heavy product buildup.

I also wash my daughter every other night and wash her hair once a week, at least for now. It's the dead of winter, she doesn't even go outside.

 

[davida1949]

@rkj I suppose that's one major difference, I come from a hot climate country where it is normal, even expected, that you shower or bathe at least once a day.

If it was snowy, I might have a very different schedule.

 

[katrina2017]

@davida1949 I’m so confused too! I thought everyone bathes everyday. Sometimes twice a day

 

[davida1949]

@katrina2017 Ikr? I'd be sweaty and uncomfortable getting into clean work clothes without a shower, and sometimes after a busy day I need another before getting into bed.

And I can't imagine putting my kids to bed without their bath!

This thread is confusing me.

 

[katrina2017]

@davida1949 Maybe if you have a bidet you wouldn’t need to but surely if you’re wiping with toilet paper you need to shower every day? I know elderly people don’t bathe everyday because it’s a safety hazard and that makes sense but otherwise I’m so bamboozled

 

[plaura94515]

@davida1949 Adults bathe every day in our house, but kids can be every other day or even longer depending on if they’re actually dirty or if they’ve been doing a ton of exercise or if the weather is muggy or whatever. Kids don’t sweat as much as adults before puberty hits, so don’t get as grody just from everyday living. Plus I have eczema and want to avoid my kids getting it, so excess washing/soaps/etc can strip the skin of its oils and make you more at risk, especially with a genetic predisposition. Their skin is fantastic so far, let’s hope it holds. We’re in NZ and this approach is pretty common (maybe half or more of their peers are similar?), but families that bathe every day are common too. If I kid only had a bath every 3-4 days we wouldn’t be thinking neglect unless there were other issues.

 

[davida1949]

@plaura94515 I'm in Australia and it's hot here most of the time. I'd be worried if my kids were living a lifestyle where they DIDN'T need a bath every night! They're dirty little muckers, and that's because they play outdoors and get very rowdy and that's the way it should be, imho.

ALso, bathtime is an important night time ritual for your house. Dinner, play, bath, bed. It calms them down and gets rid of the last of their wrigglies, as I call it, and I put lavender oil in the bath. By the time they are dressed and ready for bed, a story or two and they'll drop right off. I can't imagine doing bedtime without bathtime.

Well. I write that in the present tense but in fact they are young adults now, lol, I'm casting my mind back. Bathtime was my favourite time of day. It was when you could play with them without them tearing around the house and the yard, they are as cute as little buttons with their foam beards. I'm sorry people don't do that every night.

 

[phoenix27]

@spiritualgrowth I saw a post the other day, where a other parrnt had got really mad that a friend hadn't given their child a bath when having him over night.
I'm definitely team uncomfortable with it, but it seems like maybe there's a need to always be explicit with expectations when children are too young to be making these decisions themselves, like maybe we our own standard causal sentence around basic care expectations/boundaries because it just seems like it happens pretty frequently really

 

[futuredreamer]

@spiritualgrowth i am a parent and I don't see the problem with this. (Neither did my Mother or my Wife ) You are ok with the kids being with the other mother on the way to school, you are ok with them having dinner, why is it a problem they had a bath ? "J" was obviously just following the standard routine at their home, and a bath after dinner was what happened next. I have sent other peoples kids in to have showers (admittedly by themselves) when they stayed overnight as young teenagers, because they weren't going to have one and quite frankly, they stank. Kids at that age aren't going to be doing anything untoward, and from what you say it seems "J" wasn't either. By all means, at the end of the day you are your little girls parent and you are well within your rights to tell "J" there is no need to give her a bath next time, but we think it would be an overreaction to ban contact between two young friends over this seemingly honest misunderstanding.

 

[sforb]

@futuredreamer It’s fine if you don’t see a problem with the bath. You should still see a problem with not asking the parents first. Who goes and give a basically stranger’s kid a bath without asking the parents? Your own opinion on the act itself is irelevant.

 

[davida1949]

@sforb Me. I've done it a million times.

I'm really sensing some major cultural confusion here. Where I raised my kids, no one would bat an eyelid at their 5-y-o being chucked into the bath with the other kids at the end of the day. In fact we'd be grateful. One less chore.

 

[katrina2017]

@davida1949 Aussie? The word 'chucked' got me. Haha. Also I've seen other posts saying that in Aus it's pretty normal. PS. From Sydney.

 

[katrina2017]

@davida1949 I feel like it’s a cultural thing and also generation thing. I have pictures of me bathing with other kids in the late 80’s early 90’s. Now that I have a 2 year old girl things are different. Sure it’s innocent to someone with good intentions, but thanks to modern technology we see that same innocence being exploited. We have statistics on crimes against children right at our fingertips which has turned me into a paranoid parent. I would be uncomfortable with this and I would let “J” know that. Her reaction would tell me if it was innocent and if it’s ok to let my kid go back. Idk, just my opinion.