@spiritualgrowth You’re right to want to protect your child. You should find out if the kids bathed together. Ask your daughter if the other mom was in there with her or both of them. Ask if she had her phone out. It could be harmless or this mom could be filming her or them. Teach your daughter to bathe herself. Teach her that no other adult is allowed to see her without her underwear on unless it’s a doctor and you or your wife are there. Have your wife tell this other mom nicely that your teaching this so next time there is a sleep over that daughter can bathe and dress herself and any assistance by that mom is undermining teaching your daughter authority over her own body. If the other mom stops contact after that then maybe your suspicions are correct and if she maintains the friendship and follows your guidelines then most likely it was just a difference in upbringing or culture.
@spiritualgrowth Yes you are overreacting but that's okay it's your kid. Sounds like this women has been very helpful to you and your wife. If you are uncomfortable with the bath situation you just need to say so, really not that serious- I mean she told you about the bath so it's not like she was trying to be weird and hide it. Communication is key.
@sagarbhc Or, she preempted the child bringing attention to any impropriety by explaining it away as a bath. Sometimes, an adult "telling you about" something is actually to subvert the truth. I'm not saying that's what this is. I can't know that. But it's something to have in mind. Adults (who can't be trusted) are often very good at misdirection to explain away any whistle blowing by a much less articulate child.
@spiritualgrowth The bath is probably not a big deal, although it is a boundary. I can see how she might have been getting her kid ready for a bath and your kid saying, "Bath? Yay!" and getting in too. I would casually ask your daughter if she liked having a bath there, and just like that without leading or anything, and if she says something negative then you will know to follow up. But I doubt that will happen. Most people don't sexualize 5-year-olds and so bathing a 5-year-old might not be on someone's radar and weird if it's bath time anyway.
Unless your daughter has or does give you indication there was a problem, I would let her hang out there again but I would tell the mom that you would rather your daughter have bath time at home, thanks.
@spiritualgrowth Maybe she thought since you all were down with COVID she was helping you out? I won't jump to oh she is a pedophile for bathing my kid. She probably was thinking I'm bathing my kid, I know this kids family is down with COVID why don't I check this task off their check list to help them out. Your DD most likely wanted to get in the bath with him and didn't think anything was wrong with it. I agree she should have called the kid's parent, but maybe she was thinking they may be napping and didn't think it was a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Let her know that you appreciate her bathing your DD but in the future you and your spouse will handle bathing needs.
I have bathe my kid and friends kiddos in a tub at that age. We have done it at our home, their home and on vacation. For us it is which ever parent isn't busy at that moment helps with washing hair and the alike. Total of 3 kids 1 boy 2 girls all 1 year apart in age. Oldest almost 7. The kids loved it.
I just wanted to add growing up near a lake and the ocean it was common for us all to grab a bath together after being out all day. Sibling, cousins and friends all got baths together to remove sand, mud and smell off of us. To me it really isn't such a big deal.
@spiritualgrowth It could be completely harmless, especially since you're sick and maybe unable to bathe her yourself, but it's a massive failure of judgment for her to bathe another person's child, especially in the same tub as her son. I would not have any further contact with her, but I also wouldn't worry that anything negative happened to your daughter.
@spiritualgrowth Does your daughter typically enjoy baths and does thhe boy have siblings? It is sorta normal to bathe siblings together, I know that they aren't siblings but if J has other kids she might of over looked it/been desensitized to the oddness of the situation. Especially if your daughter enjoys baths and maybe over heard and was was like * I love bathtime"* or they have cool bath toys ect.
@spiritualgrowth To be honest a lot of people take the it takes village seriously and overstep some serious boundaries. I said that to say she may not see the wrong in her doings. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. You don’t have to be rude when you tell her but she/J needs to know how you feel. She needs to know that she made you feel uncomfortable and that something like that is completely unacceptable.
@spiritualgrowth I think everything's comfort level on this can be different and maybe she didn't see the problem with it. But for me personally I would be very uncomfortable with that and would not be leaving her alone with my child again. Not only did she bath a child she just met without asking but also shared that bath with her son who the child sees in school? They are not siblings so it seems inappropriate to me on that level as well.
@spiritualgrowth Doesn’t sound weird to me. She was trying to be helpful. The neighbours used to watch my sister and I one afternoon in the week while my parents were at work. We always used to play in the tub together with their son. My sister and I were 4 and 6 years old and their son 7 or 8, I’m not sure anymore. I only have positive memories about it. Maybe it’s a cultural difference. Where I live nudity isn’t as big of a deal as it is in the US. Kids walk around naked in places like backyards or beaches, it’s normal.
@spiritualgrowth It seems weird that she gave your daughter a bath without asking you first. But there are some circumstances where that would not be weird.
I don't see anything wrong with the difference in gender. If the other child had been a girl it would have been no less weird. It isn't uncommon for five-year-old boys and girls to bathe together.
I don't think that it should affect the relationship between your daughter and the boy. And you should not do anything to give your daughter the idea that this is dirty.
