Recently made friend bathed my child while looking after her (5 yr old)

[michael1981]

@spiritualgrowth If we were talking about a pair of 2-year-olds, where bath time really is play time then this might be weird but ok.... A couple of 5-year-olds? I don't think I would be comfy with that.

 

[katrina2017]

@spiritualgrowth That is definitely crossing a line in my book.

 

[elainamor]

@spiritualgrowth Not a parent, but if I was I wouldnt be comfortable with that

 

[coachlynne]

@spiritualgrowth Honestly, if I was putting my kid through the bath I'd probably give another kid who was over at the same time the option to have one too. Kids are mucky little critters at that age, my boys often would come in black from playing in the sand, jumping on the trampoline etc. The thing is, there'd be no force or expectation that they have one, it's entirely their choice assuming they're heading home after dinner. If they were staying the night, then bathing before bed is expected - it's summer here right now and kids get sweaty as well as dirty. Plus baths with friends of the same age is generally fun. They're 5.

Talk to your friend, let them know they don't need to bath your kid if they're over for dinner and probably leave it at that. Make sure your kid knows to tell you if they ever feel uncomfortable or unsure of something someone else is asking them to do. Teach them good protective behaviours around their body etc.

 

[nasusnuboc]

@coachlynne You should call the parents and ask their permission. Giving someone a bath is not the same as giving them a snack or making them a meal. Use your brain.

 

[turnerfamily00]

@nasusnuboc I agree about permission. Not to mention, some kids like mine have a lot of allergies and sensitivities and for bath time we use only very specific products so that she doesn’t have a reaction. I’d be super pissed if she wound up in the hospital because someone used a soap or body wash with almond oil in it and I didn’t even know about it

 

[nasusnuboc]

@turnerfamily00 Right? Lots of kids have sensitivities to certain kinds of soaps.

I am convinced that many of the people commenting in this forum are not parents.

 

[plaura94515]

@nasusnuboc The Aussies/NZers in this thread are going, ‘wtf what’s the issue?’ And we’re parents.

 

[davida1949]

@turnerfamily00 If you send your child to another home, you have an obligation to inform the adult in charge of any allergies. That's just common sense.

 

[turnerfamily00]

@davida1949 I absolutely always do and leave an epi pen but to a lot of people think of allergies as food/consuming and not merely coming in contact with skin

 

[dawn4311]

@coachlynne Maybe "J" figured I'm bathing my kid, my friends who are down with COVID and are feeling like crap probably don't have the energy to get their kid a bath right now so why don't I help them out by giving their kid a bath with mine. Should she had called an asked permission yes but do I think this has some type of pedophile story line? No, no I don't, I just think it was a mom trying to help out.

 

[katrina2017]

@spiritualgrowth No. No. No. Not OK.

 

[balkec]

@spiritualgrowth I think it's really weird honestly I would NEVER do that unless I had explicit permission from the parents/guardians and the child was comfortable with it and even so, no group bathing. I know they're young kids but just... no I find that incredibly creepy.

 

[andrea_0517]

@spiritualgrowth I’m sure she meant well, but it’s still not okay unless she was asked by your wife to bathe your daughter. Someone should probably tell her that it made you guys uncomfortable otherwise she won’t know and she might do it again thinking it’s okay

 

[waackkeneth]

@spiritualgrowth I don’t think young kids bathing together is weird or wrong - it’s a time saver and a water saver - but I still wouldn’t assume other parents feel the same, I would get their express consent first and I’d only bother if the kid was especially dirty or stinky

 

[seekar]

@spiritualgrowth If you are uncomfortable, don't let it happen. YOUR child, YOUR rules.

I am not judging, certainly cultures and families are different.

 

[katrina2017]

@spiritualgrowth What constitutes “giving her a bath”? Did she just put her in the bath and let her wash up by herself and play or was she in there washing her? That would be weird or questionable but honestly just putting her in the bath isn’t that weird at all. If I had friends over as a little kid and it was shower/bath time we probably all took one.

It sounds to me like there is some mistrust/dislike of “J” all around and that has translates to the bath situation. You seem to describe her as someone you don’t actually care to be friends with or who is the one pushing for the friendship. But from her end she thinks she has made the effort to make friends for herself and her son and in an attempt to be a reliable friend she brought your daughter back to you fed and washed and ready for bed in the evening.

In all likelihood, “J” simply found nothing odd, inappropriate, or uncomfortable about putting children in a bath because for her that’s just what you do with kids- you clean them. If I were “J” I may have done the exact same thing and been very surprised that you were upset with me for taking good care of your child. Perhaps just let her know that bath time in your house is a bit more private and that you would appreciate if next time she simply bring your daughter home unbathed. Or do whatever else your instincts tell you to do. But in short, yes, I do think you’re overreacting.

 

[forumposter]

@spiritualgrowth I think everything's comfort level on this can be different and maybe she didn't see the problem with it. But for me personally I would be very uncomfortable with that and would not be leaving her alone with my child again. Not only did she bath a child she just met without asking but also shared that bath with her son who the child sees in school? They are not siblings so it seems inappropriate to me on that level as well.

 

[soyjoy]

@spiritualgrowth I don't think this is automatically crazy, but if it makes you uncomfortable you should absolutely set that boundary with that other mom.

 

[katrina2017]

@spiritualgrowth I’m a mom of a 2 year old girl. I would be very uncomfortable with this because it didn’t cross her mind to run it by you. Your daughter is five so I would ask her if she was comfortable and make sure nothing is off. I would talk to “J” and tell her you didn’t like it. Her reaction should tell you if you should send your kid back there. There are so many factors here. Also I couldn’t imagine giving someone else 5 year old a bath without there permission or presence. Just thinking about it I’m terrified there would be an accident. Is 5 too young to leave them unsupervised? Its the what if’s that keep me up at night, this would be a nightmare for me and embarrassing for my kid haha. She’s taken a bath with her cousin before but my sister and I were both there to supervise and approve it. I’ve seen too many Datelines to give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s like the naked baby butt pics, they are adorable but I’m uncomfortable when I see one posted online….something that is innocent to you can be exploited by some creep.