Really struggling with PPA/PPD 1 week postpartum

[jeffdo]

Hi everyone.

I am a week postpartum from delivering my 2nd son. With my first, I had to deliver him 6 weeks early because of preeclampsia. It resulted in an emergency c-section and a hell of a recovery for both of us. This was almost 3 years ago and in the beginning I was really sure I didn’t want more kids because I was afraid to go through something like that again. I have terrible preexisting health-related anxiety and didn’t know if my mental health could take another similar experience.

Fast forward to 2023 and I fall pregnant again. This wasn’t intentional but after so much time had passed I was actually looking forward to having another child. I had lost a bunch of weight and was in a great place mentally. My pregnancy progressed as normal with 0 complications and I made it to my 39 week scheduled c-section filled with hope and optimism.

Unfortunately my son swallowed a lot of fluid during delivery and had to immediately be taken to the NICU. I didn’t get to hold him for 2 days. It felt like a nightmare, being taken back to my first pregnancy dealing with the same thing.

I had to have a blood transfusion because my hemoglobin dropped to a 6.5. The doctors are unsure as to why I had such a significant drop because I didn’t lost a lot of blood. I had
to get a CT scan to rule out internal bleeding. My blood pressure, which was also normal during my pregnancy, rose postpartum.

Now I’m home with a toddler and my newborn and in the worst mental state of my life. I’m on Labatelol and iron supplements which are giving me terrible side effects and my blood pressure has become an obsession for me. It still hovers around 120-130/90’s even while on medication but my doctors are not concerned as long as I do not have any other postpartum preeclampsia symptoms.

I am on Zoloft (prescribed by my OB upon delivery) but it hasn’t kicked in yet so every day is a struggle. All I do is cry and obsessively message my doctors. I went to the ER two days ago convinced I needed another blood transfusion but actually my hemoglobin levels had slightly risen (9) and urinalysis just showed dehydration.

I feel so stupid and ashamed but also trapped by my own mental health. I struggled postpartum with my first but nothing to this extent.

Not really sure what I’m looking for. Solidarity? Success stories? All I know is I feel lost and scared of waking up every morning. Afraid of feeling ill and not knowing what is real or imagined.

EDIT: Wanted to add that my 1 week postpartum appointment is on Monday and I plan to bring up how much I’m struggling to my OB then.

 

[mitchilita]

@jeffdo You are going through A LOT right now. Use all the help you can get. Starting Zoloft (or any antidepressant) can lead to an even worse depression in the beginning. Your partner, if you have one, or your family otherwise, should be monitoring your mental health and taking care of the kids as much as possible.

You may want some birth trauma therapy later down the line, but so newly postpartum it's just about survival. And my family is coming home right now so I will get back to you. Hang it there honey!

 

[mitchilita]

Part 2: Any woman who has just given birth feels unstable and tired. You will feel that x100 because of your low iron and energy spent on worrying. But it's not a reason to worry more. It's normal. You are physically healthy - for a new mother. Experiment with ways to cope with the worries, like keeping a diary and setting a time to worry every day.

Can you make a list of all the people in your life who would be willing to help you, and all the ways that they could help you? Soms suggestions:
Partner - primary childcare, check in on me every 3 hours, have 1 moment per day to share anxious thoughts and let go afterwards
Mom - childcare on Mon, Wed and Sat
Dad - cook dinner and vacuum every day
Nice neighbour - do groceries on Thu

Write down everything that's happening for your 1 week appointment with the OB. She may be able to get your extra mental health care.

Good luck honey! I know it's tough right now but you are a good person and a good mom and you will get through this.

 

[katrina2017]

@jeffdo Hugs. I struggled hard after my daughter was born. My only advice, even if it sounds corny, is take it one day at a time. You’re doing a fabulous job. You grew an entire person and it’s ok to not feel ok right now. It absolutely will get better.