Pre-K teacher says my 4 year old is stealing

[legacy3566]

@ced7

 

[intellectualdiscussion2]

@worshipguitar I like how you went from: I panicked thinking it was something very serious. To I couldn’t give a flying fuck about marbles.

But hey , it’s not like those marbles belonged to someone and some thing. They were an essential thing to a game. Has you ever seen the prices of games in the store.. you know an incomplete game needs to be replaced at some point.

But still that you find it okay for your kid to grab a stone , fine right? But up to what point, in the Forrest? In public park? In your front yard? In you neighbors? Front yard? Grave yard? Let’s go all the way up to the Rosetta Stone. It’s all just one stone.

At what point will you teach your kid that it is stealing and when will he learn the difference. What is the limit? How should he know the difference?

 

[mightymax]

@intellectualdiscussion2 She literally did use this moment to teach him about stealing, troll. Go away.

 

[anchris]

@worshipguitar Yeah no - this isn't stealing IMO. Not at 4; and not with the habit of picking things up and putting them in their pocket. Sounds like your child is just experimenting with what their pockets can hold. I totally would have said to the child (upon seeing the marbles) "Hey (name), where did they come from?" (child tells me) "Oh! I see! We put those away ages ago! Did you forget about them? Could you go pop them in the box please/hand them to me?" and that would have been it.

I'm used to kids popping things in their pockets that they're playing with while they go to the toilet, do an activity with me (but want to still hold onto whatever they have), wash their hands, etc. Unless it's something that they shouldn't be "claiming" (like say if it was the ONLY marble) I leave it be, because as long as it comes back, that's whatever to me. I get the "we accidentally took X home" from a parent and I just go "Oh sweet! Thanks for bringing it back!" and I'd only question the parent or say "Hey did X take (toy) home" if it was something big, or something I knew was ours that they were claiming as theirs (like once I had a parent claim a doll was theirs when I knew it was ours cause I had bought it).

The only other time it is actually stealing, and I would have a very gentle conversation with the parent - after trying to stop it on my own at the setting, would be if they were stealing other children's property. I had a trio of girls who would sneak into other children's bags to take trinkets and take them home and when questioned would say that another member of the trio had given it to them as a gift. It wasn't until I caught it red-handed, mentioned it to the parent, and the child lied to her mum's face in front of me and said "No! She's lying! Sam gave it to me as a present" and I had to very gently say "But it has Tess's name on it, and Tess did a show and tell on it this morning my lovely" for mum to go "I wonder about all these other 'gifts'". (This trio all had older sisters which did cause them to act more...mature, but not in a great way... than most of the other 4/5's in the room).

 

[flamingfemme]

@worshipguitar I always like to look at the “why” behind behavior, there’s always a why to exactly what’s going on with the child. That should always be the starting point

 

[richobama]

@flamingfemme The ‘why’ behind this child’s behavior is because she is a preschooler. Period. It’s developmentally common behavior that absolutely does not mean the child is a thief.

If you asked a 4 yo why they took it, they would innocently say because it was pretty, or because they like how it feels, or something benign like that. They really aren’t being malicious.

But, having said that, you could use their answer, bc it was pretty to expand on it and gently teach them that yes! It’s very pretty! But it’s something that you have to look at/hold when you’re at school so the other children and teachers can enjoy it too!

 

[apollyx]

@worshipguitar So was this first time or does this repeat often?

 

[savvy01]

@worshipguitar He’ll be fine. A little hardship and challenge builds character.

 

[mightymax]

@worshipguitar Yikes. She acts like this with Covid-era kids too who didn’t have as many social learning opportunities and may have less grasp of a concept like stealing? What in the world? Is there a way to get a different teacher this semester? This lady sounds completely ill-equipped to be around four year olds.

 

[musingsofacac]

@worshipguitar It was a bit much, but if they steal, you use the word steal. But dang, teacher went a little harsh with it.

 

[leon007]

@worshipguitar almost every child has a stealing phase at some point

 

[richobama]

@leon007 This is not a stealing situation. It’s a developmental phase. HUGE difference.

 

[mphoroza]

@worshipguitar They? Plural people

 

[tigerclaw97]

@mphoroza It's a little awkward how she goes to such great lengths to not tell us if it's a son or daughter, like someone is going to dox her by knowing she has this or that gender? Or she's worried it would influence our judgement of the situation if we knew?

 

[mphoroza]

@tigerclaw97 It’s hilarious

 

[buffalopat]

@worshipguitar Outrageous. It sounds like the school to prison pipeline in the early stages.

 

[smearly01]

@worshipguitar So your kid steals and you’re upset a teacher pointed it out for you to parent?

 

[mindlesscause]

@worshipguitar They? How many children are you talking about?

 

[jrx2396]

@worshipguitar You know that your kid puts things in her pockets all the time and then ask her does she put things in her pockets? And you never ever mentioned to her that it's not an okay thing to do? It doesn't hold water.

 

[pathemamike]

@worshipguitar Side question: is your child a boy or girl?