Pre-K teacher says my 4 year old is stealing

[justheretosay]

@worshipguitar It is developmentally appropriate to "steal", they have no knowledge. We have to teach them.

 

[ocean27]

@worshipguitar I cant imagine a teacher saying this to my four year old. I think its normal for kids of this age to not understand the differences between classroom things and home things. My son always try to sneak his toys to preK so he can play with them there. Also I cant imagine one of his teachers accusing him of stealing, thats just not a concept that applies to a preK child. I assume the teacher in your circumstance was responding out of a place that has nothing to do with the actual situation, and didnt actually have any intent of correcting the behavior, only criticisizing what essentially she made up in her mind.

 

[gem4him]

@worshipguitar So…the marbles hadn’t even left the classroom yet. Yeah, she didn’t need to shame the kiddo like that. Boo.

 

[samalematina]

@worshipguitar Yeah that was definitely a little to harass. My 5 year old loves to do this too. She finds little rocks, broken piece of stringe, a leaf, Etc and put it into the side of her leggings to bring home to show me lol. But she knows she can’t take anything from the classroom or someone else.

Just keep reminding him and it will stick!

 

[richardcarrizal]

@worshipguitar What a crapy human who shouldnt be around kids…

 

[bryanll]

@richardcarrizal Seriously wtf?

 

[johnth]

@worshipguitar I’d be having a talk with that teacher or their boss. That was not appropriate at all.

 

[chriscomplex]

@worshipguitar I would have gone with the middle path, which is to tell the kid that taking things from the classroom is considered as stealing; we don’t do that.

The teacher is wrong to scold the child without taking into account that a kid that young would likely not understand this “rule”. But you are also avoiding explaining that it IS theft if he were to continue to do this knowing the rule.

 

[worshipguitar]

@chriscomplex Thank you. I did explain to my child later that stealing was taking things that don’t belong to them. They can put things from home in their pockets. They can put things from the yard in their pockets. But nothing from school or stores or other peoples homes. They just had no idea of the concept of stealing.

 

[chriscomplex]

@worshipguitar Well, if your kid had no idea what the word stealing meant, then they wouldn’t have felt as traumatised as if they already knew that stealing is A Very Bad Thing or What Bad Guys Do. They would just have been confused but also worried because of the teacher’s tone.

 

[bubbavater]

@worshipguitar Same thing happened with my son just recently actually. For a string of days he kept coming home with random shit. At first he brought home some pins. The next day were a pair gloves. When I asked him about the gloves he told they were from a desk where no one sat lol. I accepted the answer and we kept pushin. The next day he comes home with a fucking watch and he gives me the same story. At that point I was like nah and told him even though it seems it doesn’t belong to anyone he still shouldn’t take it.

I thought he understood and then the next day his teacher finally caught him and she sent me a message finally confirming that he was stealing. She was specifically asking for the pins back. His behavior at that time wasn’t great either so it was just stacking on for him.

I was livid but I knew I had to approach this carefully. I spoke to my son about it and yes I did yell. I keep preaching empathy with him. I took away all the shit he likes and I made him return every single item.

Of course through out all this I still told him how much I love him and how much it hurts me and his grandparents when he does stuff like this. There hasn’t been an incident since and his behavior has improved dramatically.

What I also do is I try to motivate the shit out of him. Like sometimes I’ll ask him when I’m taking him to school, “what kind of day are we going to have today?” Or “I know I’m going to have a great day are you?” I’ll say other shit like I’ll yell out FOCUS, BE RESPECTFUL and BEHAVE and I’ll make him repeat it.

I’ll also offer incentives like park time or a toy lol. Doing all that has helped him because I see the improvement with my own eyes.

I wish you the best of luck!

 

[stillgrowing2011]

@worshipguitar My child is almost 6, and this is something we are still working on. Last year in Pre-K, I was mortified, because I'd thought he'd ended the habit in daycare. I brought the small toy back the next day and apologized profusely, when she told me that at least half of the class pocket stuff to take home for overnight. And then I started realizing that other parents were like me, occasionally bringing back a handful of small bits.

This year at the start of the year, my kid took a mini basketball from the gym because it was blue and he collects all things blue. And he told me that the gym teacher had told him to take it home. I knew this wouldn't be true, so I sent it back to school with a note and asked that they help my son return it to the gym teacher himself.

Otherwise, we talk about how if we take things from his class or his after school care, that it means another kid won't be able to play with them, and it would make them sad. We remember a time when he wanted to play with a certain toy and he couldn't because it didn't have all the parts, and we talk about how that made him feel. And we talk about how that is how other kids feel, like if he were to take the marbles from the marble maze. It hasn't made it STOP yet, but it has helped severely curtail it. (We are also dealing with ADHD impulse control, so right now 80% is winning in my book.)

 

[tomfoolery64]

@worshipguitar I had a young SPED who liked to do the same thing. We just checked his pockets before he left for the day and reminded him they stay in school. He functioned better with little widgets in his pocket and it helped him to regulate himself.

 

[danielm]

@worshipguitar I would never have a game with marbles in a four year-old classroom. It’s just not safe. The teacher got so upset because if something happened to your child, she would’ve been in big trouble for letting a four-year-old wander around with marbles that they or somebody else could choke on. I would ask the teacher why they are playing a game with a choking hazard in it (I’d bet it’s for children ages 5+), and why she didn’t take proper care to make sure all of the pieces were put away. This is not your child’s fault. This is the teachers fault, and she knows it, and so she’s projecting her guilt about it onto your child.

 

[wins]

@worshipguitar This reminds me of a teacher we had when I used to work in pre k; she literally said the child would grow up to be a thief after the child took something from teacher’s pockets outside school; was at a ballgame, I believe. After a few weeks, she was gone as one of the parents rightfully turned her in to policy council.

 

[brielb]

@worshipguitar I rather doubt that teacher is qualified for her role.

The state of California is strict concerning all child development and teaching positions.

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/how-to-become-preschool-teacher-in-california

But sometimes undesirables fall through the cracks.

 

[letgar79]

@worshipguitar You should gently teach your child the acceptable definition of stealing. It's good that the teacher was proactive. But she should have explained what stealing was first.

 

[jackrachel3]

@worshipguitar My 3.5 year old has managed to smuggle multiple things from his classroom home in his backpack without being seen. Which is impressive considering they don't have access to their backpacks during the day. And not small toys either, a whole elephant figurine made its way to our home. When I brought the things back to his classroom they laughed and that was the end of it. I don't think they have the ability to comprehend stealing at this age, obviously we talked to my son about leaving school toys at school but at the end of the day all he knew was he wanted to show the elephant his house.

 

[chipsj15]

@worshipguitar I legitimately was just wonderfully educated about “trinket stage” by my 5 year old’s preK teacher. I highly recommend googling it because this is 100% normal. This was such a ridiculous approach by this teacher. You handled it beautifully.

 

[liveanddie]

@worshipguitar Why the hell would this teacher think it’s ok to discipline your kid right in front of you for something she didn’t even DO- and even if she had- is normal 4 year old behavior, and up to YOU to handle at that point??? I am so so sorry! What an asshole!