Please share your 3yo morning getting ready routines because holy h*** I’m exhausted

[priya12]

3y/o goes to a Montessori program three mornings a week. Every single morning no matter how happy she wakes up or how much she eats or anything, the last 15 min of getting out the door are pure torture. Suddenly she hates all the clothes she’s wearing, she’s throwing her shoes, she’s ripping out her hair clip, falling on the floor, demanding I carry her to school (it’s 3 blocks but still). I’m working on my own self regulation in these moments but find my heart rate elevating, and just feel SO ANGRY. I said “why are you doing this???” this morning and of course it made her more upset. I hate dropping her off upset, or feeling I’m angry at her.

The thing is, she LOVES school. It’s a tiny program and she has two little friends there she’s obsessed with. Her teacher texts me pictures during the day and she’s playing and learning and being silly… She talks about school and her teacher all the time, and multiple times she has cried on a Saturday when I tell her there’s no school the next day.

I just need advice for making mornings better. It leaves me, my husband and her all stressed at a time when we should be heading out for our respective days. What do you do that works?

 

[layk]

@priya12 Unpopular opinion but I don’t let me kid pick out her clothes. She can pick the sweatshirts or hair bow/clip and that’s it. Too many options can overwhelm kids.

You don’t really say what your routine is, so can’t offer much advice on how to help

 

[katrina2017]

@layk Well, you're not supposed to just point at a closet and say "pick a shirt." You pick two shirts and then ask your kid "which shirt would you like to wear?"

Decision anxiety is a real thing but the solution is not "take away all their decisions."

 

[canyoneer]

@katrina2017 It just depends on the kid. Mine is not a morning person. And even just giving her the choice between two things very often overwhelms her and freaks her out. Instead we ask her if she wants to pick or if she wants us to pick. 9/10 times she asks us to choose. If she does want to choose, we then do the two options thing.

 

[katrina2017]

@canyoneer

It just depends on the kid.

Well yea, obviously. My point is that it isn't a dichotomy between "let them choose one of many variables" (OP's implication) and "don't let them choose anything" (the implication of the comment I responded to).

 

[jolual789]

@katrina2017 I don’t think her comment implied don’t let them choose anything, and your response sounded a bit judgmental.

 

[katrina2017]

@jolual789 No judgment intended, just disagreement~

 

[goldandsilver]

@katrina2017 This is how we do it, it’s been a game changer for my 3 year old. I bring him two shirts, two pairs of pants, two pairs of socks, and two pairs of underwear, and he picks one of each. It’s super fast, and he’s always happy with the result.

 

[kelldobs]

@katrina2017 IDK, giving my kid 2 choices worked for awhile but lately she refuses to choose. I then make the choice for her and that results in a huge tantrum. Getting dressed causes a lot of frustration for both of us.

I've now resorted to giving her 2 choices each morning. One of those choices is always the same butterfly dress (it's her favorite). That has led to fewer tantrums but more frequent laundry.

 

[silverblade]

@katrina2017 This is what I do, and we have never had tantrums in the morning. Two choices for all things, and if he wants something specific, he has always just told me so. He is 4 now, but it has worked for us going on 2 years

 

[cewilder]

@katrina2017 Idk. My kid prefers to browse thru all her stuff and pick one, but our morning also has enough time allotted for this.

 

[gop12]

@cewilder My kid does this and I find it adorable. Every single item has a comment like “hmmm not for today“ “ohhhh cute but no“ “oh wow mommy look at this one!”

But like your situation, we have time for it so I can enjoy versus being stressed about it

 

[yosaoller]

@katrina2017 That’s how I started with my son when he was 2 and now at 3 he will pick out his full outfit from his dresser by himself.

 

[messi]

@layk I second this. Analysis paralysis is true for adults and kids. My kid will give a wail if iv asked her too many choices as well.

 

[1gosteph]

@layk Yea. My kids doesn’t care to pick his clothes and honestly too much work. He picks other things with options.

But OP I’d leave a little extra time in your morning for these meltdowns. Maybe 15-30 min. So for a week maybe wake up earlier. When the melt down happens let it. Be there but let her tantrum away and do nothing and say nothing. When she’s done ask her if she feels better and if she’s ready to go because you can’t leave when she’s crying like that. Honestly she will eventually stop because it’s no longer giving you a rise. Maybe she’s having trouble in the morning or maybe not. Considering the rest of the morning is good I feel like she’s doing this for the reaction.

 

[techo]

@1gosteph My kids generally don't care about picking out their clothes either. If there's a problem they'll let me know, but otherwise they wear what I give them. They still flop around and refuse to get dressed, but it has nothing to do with specific clothing choices. None of us are morning people. I'm dreading school age because mornings are such a pain when we have to be somewhere. Right now we stay home a lot and that's how we all like it.

 

[eeasuper]

@priya12 It sounds like she dreads the street/commute/outside temperature rather than the school. Would making the trip more fun help maybe? Maybe get her a nice "vehicle" she can ride to school, like a snow sleigh you can pull, or a tricycle you can steer? Or if there are no cars along your route, a balance bike/push off scooter? Something for her to look forward to rather than dread

 

[newby1985]

@eeasuper Second this!! You could also give them the job of weather checker and ask them to stand outside for a moment to see if we need our jackets today.

I also use this trick to get them in the bath when they are resisting. Something about “just checking” really helps grease the wheels and get them moving.

 

[charity1]

@newby1985 Genius. For the bath-- just with their hand?

 

[newby1985]

@charity1 Yep! I read that it “breaks the seal” of sensory change and makes them far more likely to get in!