@jsphalford11 Dude and if im going to read for 15 minutes… its going to be something that helps me escape not tells me what to do. I just started reading the hobbit today aloud while she plays and its been amazing. Tolkien is akin to Dr. Suess in some bits.
Pet Peeve On These Parenting Reddits..
- Thread starter jsphalford11
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@jsphalford11 I think you already hit on it- time. We’re asking people to give their time and energy to help us. The bulk of responders likely don’t have the time or mental energy to write out specific advice and the context of why they’re giving it, how/why it works, etc. so directing others to the proper place to find all that works better for them. I haven’t bought a single book- I use my library for free. I read when I can and if it’s something important I try my hardest to make it fit in even if it’s not convenient. I do think it’s asking a lot of other parents who are equally bogged down to spoon feed info when they already have done the work of identifying the source and helpful context. You’re free to not follow up on the recommendations but there’s something icky about how this is presented when it comes to others’ time and work.
@nataliya I think OP is asking for a short cliffnote or a bullet list, before investing hours into a book only to find out that they already tried all the tricks. It takes 3 minutes to write a short list, vs hours of reading a book, that can often be summarized with a bullet list. I mean, if you have time to sit on Reddit and read their post, I am sure that leaving a reply of 20 words instead of 5 words is within reason.
@hailee All of that is easily googleable though. Just look up the book. Goodreads will have all of that, even the book jacket will have a good deal. I don’t think it’s asking much to expect people to put in at least some effort when asking others for help. I see this quite a bit in my day job and it’s frankly saddening to see how many people have lost the ability to do things like this instead of having everything served up.
@nataliya Yes of course anyone can google and get a bullet list. Googling the list is easier than making the reddit post. The question that OP is referring to is when someone posts "what worked for YOU". This means that the poster of the question is asking parents on their real actual personal experience and what methods helped them, not what methods are written in the book.
New parents are often lonely and isolated because of newborn care. You cant see who is typing, but that is a sleep deprived parent who likely read 500 of those bullet lists and is desperate for things that ACTUALLY worked for someone. Its a basic human outreach for advice/help. Too many of us lost our "village" to people moving around, the millenial's village is often the internet. When a friend or a coworker asks you about something like taking care of a plant, you don't say "go read a book about this". If all you are bothered to do is write "Go read book XYZ" it is actually better that you don't write anything at all. Because you aren't helpful, youre digging the OPs pit of despair deeper.
Just say "method ABC worked for us" and you can be assured OPs will be looking that method up. Nobody is usually asking for detail and chapters. It takes about as much effort as to write the "go read book XYZ".
New parents are often lonely and isolated because of newborn care. You cant see who is typing, but that is a sleep deprived parent who likely read 500 of those bullet lists and is desperate for things that ACTUALLY worked for someone. Its a basic human outreach for advice/help. Too many of us lost our "village" to people moving around, the millenial's village is often the internet. When a friend or a coworker asks you about something like taking care of a plant, you don't say "go read a book about this". If all you are bothered to do is write "Go read book XYZ" it is actually better that you don't write anything at all. Because you aren't helpful, youre digging the OPs pit of despair deeper.
Just say "method ABC worked for us" and you can be assured OPs will be looking that method up. Nobody is usually asking for detail and chapters. It takes about as much effort as to write the "go read book XYZ".
puddintain
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cgrpartner
New member
@nataliya Agreed 100%. Whenever I post I'm always grateful when people respond, especially when they type out a long and detailed response because that takes time and effort. When I do the same for others, it's coming from a place of wanting to be genuine and helpful. I don't expect it from others but will always be grateful for it. These books are detailed and comprehensive. Giving the highlights without the entire context of the book does it a disservice imo. Expecting other parents to type out a long detailed response for you rather than reading a book yourself is incredibly entitled.
@cgrpartner The other thing is that the original post rarely has ALL the details so it's more helpful to say here are the resources, tailor it to what you are experiencing/need to know.
If it was really that easy to just find five bullet points or whatever A) you could probably Google it and B) there wouldn't ever need to be a book. It's arrogant, ungrateful, and rather entitled to expect everyone else to teach you in a specialized way. If you don't find the comment helpful or don't ever want to read a book, MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Go look at Youtube videos if that's how you learn. Go do what works for you. But getting annoyed that people who also don't have the time to be reading a whole book for you and concisely summarizing it into the most helpful points? That's ridiculous and on the level of being a choosing beggar.
Be grateful that people are trying to help you at all. If you don't find their particular type of help all that helpful, feel free to ignore it. Demanding that they help you in this specific way, because you assume they have all the time that you say you don't...? With that kind of attitude, no one would ever be helped because god forbid it wasn't in the exact way that the person likes it.
Where's all the helpful comments that OP has left for other people?
If all these books can be distilled down to perfectly informative, scenario specific reddit replies, why do they exist?
If it was really that easy to just find five bullet points or whatever A) you could probably Google it and B) there wouldn't ever need to be a book. It's arrogant, ungrateful, and rather entitled to expect everyone else to teach you in a specialized way. If you don't find the comment helpful or don't ever want to read a book, MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Go look at Youtube videos if that's how you learn. Go do what works for you. But getting annoyed that people who also don't have the time to be reading a whole book for you and concisely summarizing it into the most helpful points? That's ridiculous and on the level of being a choosing beggar.
Be grateful that people are trying to help you at all. If you don't find their particular type of help all that helpful, feel free to ignore it. Demanding that they help you in this specific way, because you assume they have all the time that you say you don't...? With that kind of attitude, no one would ever be helped because god forbid it wasn't in the exact way that the person likes it.
Where's all the helpful comments that OP has left for other people?
If all these books can be distilled down to perfectly informative, scenario specific reddit replies, why do they exist?
cgrpartner
New member
@bree1224 Just logged on to see this entire thread become the most baffling thing I've read all day. Wasn't prepared to be down voted for agreeing with an upvoted comment. Agree with the other comment about Reddit hivemind being a strange thing indeed... It's absolutely wild to me that people in this thread feel so strongly entitled to other people's time. What an eye-opening experience this has been!
I agree with everything you said, but be prepared to be down voted into oblivion
I agree with everything you said, but be prepared to be down voted into oblivion
shaughnessyym
New member
@nataliya Yes! I get OP’s annoyance but it also feels a little like cheating. Being mad you didn’t do your homework and the person who did won’t do it for you.
I read Precious Little Sleep cover to cover backwards and forwards, rereading sections over and over, and eventually taking notes to summarize it. It was painful and took yes a lot of time, but there wasn’t a single solution to sleep issues - multiple problems that change as baby ages. So yeah if you have a specific issue and I know of a specific thing that I think will help, I’ll tell you. But to come here with “baby won’t sleep” and then want me to spend time to type out a summary of Precious Little Sleep because you don’t feel like reading it, and then I’m supposed to do that again tomorrow for the next person? I’m not a sleep consultant.
ETA some clarity to my comment bc I do spend quite a bit of time in this sub and others trying to help troubleshoot baby issues (namely sleep).
I read Precious Little Sleep cover to cover backwards and forwards, rereading sections over and over, and eventually taking notes to summarize it. It was painful and took yes a lot of time, but there wasn’t a single solution to sleep issues - multiple problems that change as baby ages. So yeah if you have a specific issue and I know of a specific thing that I think will help, I’ll tell you. But to come here with “baby won’t sleep” and then want me to spend time to type out a summary of Precious Little Sleep because you don’t feel like reading it, and then I’m supposed to do that again tomorrow for the next person? I’m not a sleep consultant.
ETA some clarity to my comment bc I do spend quite a bit of time in this sub and others trying to help troubleshoot baby issues (namely sleep).
@shaughnessyym Idk how this became so controversial but this take kinda sucks IMO. I am always so grateful when people take the time to help me. Now that we’re in a much better place sleep-wise, I’m happy to also pass on my thoughts and experiences to those currently struggling.
Raising kids doesn’t have to be like this… why do people want to gate-keep this information?
And I’m so glad that there are so many parents who have the money to hire a sleep consultant. That’s wonderful. Maybe you should look into doing that
Raising kids doesn’t have to be like this… why do people want to gate-keep this information?
And I’m so glad that there are so many parents who have the money to hire a sleep consultant. That’s wonderful. Maybe you should look into doing that
futuredoctorofgod
New member
@abcdeg My daughter was a horrible fussy newborn. Screamed all and day barely slept. I did a lot of google research trying to figure out if it was “normal” or if there was an underlying issue. I also came to Reddit looking for advice, got some but not a ton. Finally got some answers after really pestering our pediatrician when LO was 10 weeks. She’s 7 months now and I had someone comment on an old post asking what worked for us (if anything) and I told them literally everything we tried and what helped some and what didn’t work and what our specific problems were. I remember how hard those days were, if my experience can help anyone in anyway I’m happy to share it with them in as much detail as I need to.
shaughnessyym
New member
@abcdeg I mean personally I’m doing okay (don’t need a sleep consultant) because I read the book. And I’m not saying that to be rude, I’m serious. It was a great read and super helpful. I think when people recommend books they’re being genuine.
I’m also not saying it’s bad to help if you can. But to come here and ask for help and then another sleep deprived person says “hey I read this book it helped me” and then to be upset they didn’t spend more time to help you is a little ungrateful? Just take what you’re given, I guess. If they had the time or wanted to spend it I’m sure they would have.
The person I replied to phrased it much better than me so I would defer to them, because I agree
I’m also not saying it’s bad to help if you can. But to come here and ask for help and then another sleep deprived person says “hey I read this book it helped me” and then to be upset they didn’t spend more time to help you is a little ungrateful? Just take what you’re given, I guess. If they had the time or wanted to spend it I’m sure they would have.
The person I replied to phrased it much better than me so I would defer to them, because I agree
@shaughnessyym I literally tried reading the book but was so sleep deprived that my brain could not comprehend the information. I didn’t necessarily need more time with her or anything like that… I just think it goes back to OP’s original point that telling someone to read a book and give zero extra information is just not really helpful for a tired parent. I’m well aware that I’m zero percent entitled to other peoples time and energy… I just think there are better ways to help in these situations
shaughnessyym
New member
@abcdeg R/sleeptrain has a lot of great posts/resources that obviously you still need to read but are more digestible and shorter.
WRT Precious Little Sleep, she recommends which chapters to skip to if you are super sleep deprived.
And regarding the issue in general, I’ve found if you ask specific questions you’re more likely to get specific answers. If you post “baby won’t sleep, waking up multiple times a night” but don’t say what their schedule is, how old they are, etc. etc. you’re not going to get as directed if a response because there is a lot to wade through to troubleshoot. Not to mention the answers you get just won’t be as helpful because they don’t know the specifics of the problem.
WRT Precious Little Sleep, she recommends which chapters to skip to if you are super sleep deprived.
And regarding the issue in general, I’ve found if you ask specific questions you’re more likely to get specific answers. If you post “baby won’t sleep, waking up multiple times a night” but don’t say what their schedule is, how old they are, etc. etc. you’re not going to get as directed if a response because there is a lot to wade through to troubleshoot. Not to mention the answers you get just won’t be as helpful because they don’t know the specifics of the problem.
twicedivorcedman
New member
@shaughnessyym No one is forcing you to put in the time or effort to respond, though. If you don’t want to help, then don’t. That’s okay.
shaughnessyym
New member
@twicedivorcedman But the point is, the book IS help. That’s where the commenter got the useful info. And they found it helpful.
@shaughnessyym IDK why people are so offended with this, sorry you got downvoted. Literally a book was made to present the information in the most logical way vs a Reddit comment which may not be fully comprehensive. Agreed if the question came with specificity like already tried ABC from book XYZ, the comments will be of better quality too because the OP already did their research, but failed.
Nevertheless I’ve found that most respondents still give sound bite advice in addition to book recommendations… so it’s really not that hard to just ignore the book reco if you don’t have time to read it.
Nevertheless I’ve found that most respondents still give sound bite advice in addition to book recommendations… so it’s really not that hard to just ignore the book reco if you don’t have time to read it.
shaughnessyym
New member
@alysson Thank you, stranger 
I was also surprised considering I was agreeing with the commend I replied to, which got upvoted. I think the hive mind takes over sometimes.
I also agree with you that I haven’t really seen a lot of comments that are just listing a book and that’s it. Most people say something else and then follow up with the book for more info!
I was also surprised considering I was agreeing with the commend I replied to, which got upvoted. I think the hive mind takes over sometimes.
I also agree with you that I haven’t really seen a lot of comments that are just listing a book and that’s it. Most people say something else and then follow up with the book for more info!
@shaughnessyym People need to read better 