Ok, so my fellow OAD first of all I salute you! My husband and I are happy one and done parents to our 5 year old daughter. We are a mixture of by choice and I've had most of my cervix removed due to cervical cancer, which makes carrying to term risky and not fun. As I'm turning 38 I'm getting pressure from my gynaecologist and my mother in law that although it may be difficult it's not impossible and there are interventions available. Despite the fact that we are happy, and despite the high risk of miscarriage or stillbirth or at best just me having a crappy time... I'm still expected to put myself and my family through all that? Just to put another person on the earth? Y tho? Looks like we have enough here, 8 billlion no? I may consider foster or adoption as i feel for the children in the world already here, not having their needs met in this low key hellscape. I feel gas lit when people tell me ill regret or change my mind as if I'm not a capable grown adult who knows my own mind! Ok rant over, thanks for staying with me, any messages of hope and solidarity appreciated!
One and done by choice slash medical but this is not enough for some ppl
- Thread starter lambrini
- Start date
cassiet2001
New member
@lambrini It’s pretty inappropriate for a medical professional to put pressure on you to make a personal decision for your family and your body. I would really question whether I wanted to keep seeing someone like that, because honestly… their opinions of whether someone should be having more children is not appropriate to bring up. Even if you said “I want to have more kids, can that happen?” Their personal opinion on that choice is not appropriate. They’re there to give medical advice.
And as for your MIL… you and your husband should both be on the same page and should both properly shut that down. Not her body, not her choice.
I’m really sorry that you’re getting pressured like that. It’s so frustrating, and you’re right! It doesn’t take into account the fact that you are a grown adult with full understanding of what you want!
And as for your MIL… you and your husband should both be on the same page and should both properly shut that down. Not her body, not her choice.
I’m really sorry that you’re getting pressured like that. It’s so frustrating, and you’re right! It doesn’t take into account the fact that you are a grown adult with full understanding of what you want!
@lambrini I had a uterine fibroid that ended up growing to 2lbs. I had to have a myomectomy in 2020. That forced me to make the decision to be child free, or to try. So I put it out to the universe and tried naturally. I wouldn’t put myself through any intervention. I immediately got pregnant, but then l had a miscarriage. That was awful. I decided to keep trying naturally, but I honestly didn’t want to go through another miscarriage. I got pregnant in Dec 2021 at the age of 38.
Everything went fairly smoothly, despite my non-stop anxiety of miscarriage, and can my uterus handle a baby after a myomectomy. Because of my surgery, maternal fetal medicine had me delivering via c-section at 37 weeks. My Ob thought I could go to 39 but she went with their timeline.
Long story short- even though everything seemingly went well, I did have a placental abruption at 36 weeks that they didn’t catch. I was literally at the Ob and passed a NST, but I complained about heart palpitations, pain in my lower back and belly, cramps (I said I didn’t know if it was Braxton hicks) and reduced fetal movement. They checked my cervix and it wasn’t dilated so they sent me on my way. That night, my kick counts were extremely low, and I was in so much pain I didn’t sleep. I should’ve gone to the ER, but I called first thing in the morning and complained, again, about low kick counts. They got me in, I failed the NST, and they sent me to MFM. My ultrasound LOOKED GOOD- even said fluids were good. But yep- they couldn’t get the baby to respond. So they grabbed a wheel chair and told me I was having a baby that day. I wasn’t ready. When they were getting my vitals, I bled on the table and they rushed me into an emergency c-section. My baby was born- but he ingested blood and had blood in his poop. I was told my placenta had been detaching for days because there was old blood, and it pooled inside.
He was rushed to the NICU and I didn’t get to hold him for 12 hours. It was traumatic. I didn’t get to end my pregnancy on my terms, and I didn’t get to birth on my terms. All my little dreams and excitement turned into horror.
He is two weeks old today, and I love him so so so so very much… But my family is already asking for number two, and I cannot put myself through that again. Not to mention I’ll be pushing 40 if I even think about having another child. I was told that my chances of another placental abruption are pretty high so even though I hated waiting this long to have a baby, this is going to have to be my only one. And I will love him enough for 10 children. Good luck to you!
Everything went fairly smoothly, despite my non-stop anxiety of miscarriage, and can my uterus handle a baby after a myomectomy. Because of my surgery, maternal fetal medicine had me delivering via c-section at 37 weeks. My Ob thought I could go to 39 but she went with their timeline.
Long story short- even though everything seemingly went well, I did have a placental abruption at 36 weeks that they didn’t catch. I was literally at the Ob and passed a NST, but I complained about heart palpitations, pain in my lower back and belly, cramps (I said I didn’t know if it was Braxton hicks) and reduced fetal movement. They checked my cervix and it wasn’t dilated so they sent me on my way. That night, my kick counts were extremely low, and I was in so much pain I didn’t sleep. I should’ve gone to the ER, but I called first thing in the morning and complained, again, about low kick counts. They got me in, I failed the NST, and they sent me to MFM. My ultrasound LOOKED GOOD- even said fluids were good. But yep- they couldn’t get the baby to respond. So they grabbed a wheel chair and told me I was having a baby that day. I wasn’t ready. When they were getting my vitals, I bled on the table and they rushed me into an emergency c-section. My baby was born- but he ingested blood and had blood in his poop. I was told my placenta had been detaching for days because there was old blood, and it pooled inside.
He was rushed to the NICU and I didn’t get to hold him for 12 hours. It was traumatic. I didn’t get to end my pregnancy on my terms, and I didn’t get to birth on my terms. All my little dreams and excitement turned into horror.
He is two weeks old today, and I love him so so so so very much… But my family is already asking for number two, and I cannot put myself through that again. Not to mention I’ll be pushing 40 if I even think about having another child. I was told that my chances of another placental abruption are pretty high so even though I hated waiting this long to have a baby, this is going to have to be my only one. And I will love him enough for 10 children. Good luck to you!
@followerb Oh my goodness, wow my heart goes out to you going through all that thank you for sharing. Your beautiful baby has a strong brave mama! Im so glad you are both safe and well now. It is freakin trauma though sounds scary as shit and I cannot believe that your family would dare to even talk about a number two especially if this was only two weeks ago!! This madness has to stop!! Good luck to you too and your little one x
@lambrini Most of our friends and family know what we went through to have our only, and that for us, it's not a matter of choice. But I've learned to ignore the opinions of those whose lives will not be impacted by our family building decisions (everyone but DH and I). My favorite line are "We think our family is perfect just the way it is" or "It's not that easy it simple for everyone." That tells people there is more to the story than us just not wanting another child.
@evilbeans Just want to point out that even if there wasn't 'more to the story', if you two decided that you just did not want another, that's all there is to it!
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