My racist father/co-parent undermines every attempt I make to parent my nephew/legal ward (12)

Last year, I gained full legal custody of my nephew along with my father. Prior to that, my stepmother was his sole legal guardian since he was three, but unfortunately, she passed two years ago. I have been an active part o his life for as long, I would buy him clothes/food/school supplies, I would come and help him with his homework, and I would pick him up from school and watch him.

I work full time, my father is "retired". And so, he usually walks him to/from school, and we are supposed to share the responsibilities of helping him with his homework. However, half of the time I'm the one helping him with all of his homework because my dad is too busy eating/listening to music/just doesn't "feel like doing it". Sometimes, or most of the time, he can't figure out how to do it and throws man tantrums.

He also refuses to teach him any valuable/basic life skills. My parents are divorced. I was raised by a mom who was bipolar and he had no active part in raising me. At twelve, I was washing my own clothes, making my own food, walking to/from school, etc. My nephew can't even turn the shower on, and when I point out he needs to learn these very sic things (maybe not so much doing laundry), he throws boy tantrums and tells me that he's "lazy" and his "Papa" does all of these things for him.

He also undermines EVERY attempt I've made so far to discipline my nephew. Recent incidents include him breaking the screen on my laptop. I told him he was banned from it and I hid it since you couldn't even touch it without the cracking getting worse. I came home the next day to him playing on it, saying my dad gave it to him. He broke my wireless headset. I banned him from my games Again, and the next day, he was on my PlayStation. Playing GTA5. He also lets him play. One o the biggest incidents was him saying the n--a' work at lunch at school. I had to ask him where he heard it (GTA, of course), I then gave him an exclamation of why he couldn't say it, but they could (very watered-down explanation of reclamation of the word, and its effect/hurt when white people use it). I also forbid him from playing GTA for the unforeseeable future, said he wasn't allowed on my games, or my phone, and told my dad he needed time off of his computer/tablet. Sure enough, he was on his computer that night.

My nephew is in fifth grade, we're selecting middle schools. We lie a five-minute walk from a middle school. My sister went to this school after my mom kicked her out at 12/13. She had near-perfect grades when she left that school versus the near-abysmal GPA she had coming in. My father wants him to go to a middle school that is a half hour DRIVE. My stepbrother and stepsister (nephew's mother) went to this school. They both did poorly, they ditched frequently, and my stepsister entered a tutoring program there where she was groomed/possibly SA'd by the father of one of the students she was tutoring. His whole reasoning for sending my nephew to this school is because "the school is mostly white and in a white neighborhood" (both of which are not true but pop off sis), and if he went to the other school, he would be "the minority". My nephew, by the way, is biracial.

Is there anything I can do with this, at least?
 
@reflectionsbythewater All right my advice to you is stop letting your father dictate what you do with your child. If you have legal rights to your nephew and you have custody and guardianship that is your child. There's no ifs and buts about it and if your father cannot respect your decisions for for your child then you have a problem. I don't understand why you still live with your father after the story before how he treated you and made you sleep in the dining room floor and pay all that rent and have your sister paid $100? You need to start putting your foot down with your father if not you need to either move out of his house with your child or if this is your place now you need to ask him to leave if he's not going to respect your rules. That crap that he's too old and he's stuck on his own ways it's not a valid excuse. Stop letting him know when it's time to make decisions for your child specially for Middle School that is your and your child's decision because the only one who really should have a say if this is your child because he's the one who's going to school and you should be picking a school that's fitting for them not you not Dad and yes you have to start getting on your child about personal chores and personal hygiene cuz my 10 year old and my 17 and 18 year old has been doing their own shower since they were eight. They've been trying on the shower head on their own since they were six and of course I was supervising them but they learned. You might have to send your child stinky to school one day if they're not going to clean their self properly and they're going to be made fun of and you're going to see things change real quickly cuz kids don't like other kids making fun of them. And if you're having a really hard time with his behavior start talking to his teacher they might Aid you on helping him understand things or might even send him to a counselor because he still might be upset why his parents are not in his life. The majority you need to take care of your father and put them in his Lane and if he doesn't want to stay in his Lane and respect you and try to treat you like a small little child and not the adults you are then you need to say that while we are leaving your house get your own place if this is your own place tell him that you need him to leave if he doesn't change his behaviors.
 
@reflectionsbythewater are you the one who was sleeping on the floor in the dinning room while you contribute the most in the house while your stepmother was sick and no one in your family appreciate that?. WHY ARE YOU STILL LIVING WITH YOUR DAD WHO NEVER RESPECTS YOU OR YOUR BOUNDARIES?, DO YOU WANT YOUR NEPHEW BE ABUSED AS WELL?M every abuse your nephew endure is gonna be your fault for being a doormat
 
Back
Top