@markrhoward Please wait until 18 months PP to get pregnant again. Due to having a c-section, you are exposing yourself to an uterine rupture, which could kill you and your unborn child. It’s not worth the risk.
Also, your body needs to recover. To replenish vitamins and other nutrients. Your hormones need to go back to normal. Your pelvic floor too.
Is this a matter of your age? You can have an appointment with a fertility specialist to assess your situation.
@whirlygirl Idk about the needing to recover, lots of women who have vaginal births have babies close together, part of me feels its unfair i have to wait but lifes not fair i guess. It's not about my age I'm 27, but I really want my kids to be close in age. Waiting until 18 months means my daughter will be over 2 years old by the time the next is born...
I guess I don't know how many years would be ideal but I do want them to be able to play together and enjoy similar games and activities
@markrhoward Even if you follow your doctor’s recommendation of waiting 12 months, you could potentially still have 2 under 2 if you conceive quickly. I don’t think it is worth the risks of trying before 12 months postpartum. Also if you wait a bit longer you could possibly try for a VBAC if that’s something you’re interested in.
@greenrock OP, I don’t see how waiting is unfair… I don’t want to seem rude but it’s your health. The doctors suggest to wait for a reason. The cons outweigh the pros in this.
Also, do YOU want to try for another so soon or is just because your husband has started talking about it? Like you said, he is away for work a lot and it’s just you. I know you have some help but think about overnights. And will you have help even once you’re passed the newborn phase with your second? The closeness in age is cute when you think about it sure, but there could be A LOT of rough days, and with post partum recovery. It’s a lot to consider but wish you the best!
@markrhoward Honey, you got gutted like a fish to get your first child out. They cut through your muscles, ligaments, and an organ. That’s not the same as a vaginal birth. You had MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY. It’s not even comparable to the recovery for non invasive birth. Let your body heal or risk dying, losing your baby or losing your fertility completely.
@atrueblessingeveryday So is there a magical massage they do to move my muscle completely out of the way or something? There’s definitely muscle under my scar…
@musman1 They don't cut with a scalpel but they do pull/tear apart the middle. There's a big line of connective tissue in the middle of your abs which gets pulled apart, so both lines of 'abs' are themselves intact, but separated. And then they heal back together while you heal.
@nommie See, that makes A LOT more sense. As I’ve been able to start working my abs again, I’ve definitely felt like my muscles were some kind of messed with.
@musman1 Yes, you have muscle there. However, they are able to literally sift through your abdominal muscles. They are sort of laced together and can be spread apart. They aren’t just sliced through to get to the uterus. I thought the same thing at first but it isn’t true.
@markrhoward Csection is different because they had to cut through your stomach to get into your uterus. That’s why you should wait the full 18 months. Uterine rupture is less of a risk with back to back vaginal deliveries because nothing was cut into. I have 2 babies, 2 1/2 years apart. It’s so nice because they do play together (youngest is 11 months so play is different), but my toddler was so independent when I had her. She could get herself up to her changing table, high chair, get some of her snacks. Recovery was a lot easier on me because I wasn’t having to lift and carry her everywhere
@markrhoward Yes, lots of women have vaginal births and back to back pregnancies. That does not mean that their bodies are A OK with it. Everything has consequences.
Now, you had a c-section (as did I), and risking an uterine rupture it’s just too much IMO. 2 years seems a good age difference to me, but of course that’s a matter of personal preference.
@markrhoward If you’re reason for wanting them close together is so they will play with each other. Please understand you can’t guarantee that would even happen.
If they’re a different gender they may have different interests and even if they’re the same they might have different interests or just not want to play with each other.
My bff has twins and they don’t like playing with each other.
@markrhoward Even women with vaginal births are recommended to wait a year but the fact is that getting pregnant too soon after a csection can KILL you.
Also having kids more than 2 years apart is just... not an issue? I guess its kind of insulting to those of us who don't have 2 under 2 that you just assume that its a huge thing if your child will be over 2. My nephews are 4 years apart and thick as thieves. Due to infertility and pregnancy loss if I have another mine will also be 3.5 to 4 years apart and I'm sure they will get along fine.
My brother and I are 15 months apart and hate each other.
2 under 2 is unnecessary and my mom who did it always always told me that she would have never chosen it for herself. My brother was a birth control baby and she was stressed constantly until we basically started school. She always said she felt bad that she didnt get to enjoy me or my brother as a baby and toddler because she was always splitting her attention between us.
@markrhoward I’m not a c section mom but I also wanted kids very close together but took awhile to get pregnant. My oldest was 27 months when my second was born and now she’s almost 3 and she absolutely loves her sister, even though she’s still a baby, sister is her best friend. Your kids will still be close even if they are 2, 3, 4 years apart.
My body was able to recovery and I was lucky to have two pretty easy pregnancies.
@bazzapr My oldest was 4 when my baby was born and they are obsessed with each other. Like baby cranes his neck all the way around to watch every move his big brother makes and big brother loves being able to show the baby things and to have an audience. I'm 18 months from my older sibling and we barely played together and when we did we fought. My partner is five years from his siblings and they have always been close and did things together. I can't imagine having a newborn and another child less than 18 months, it's so nice to have one potty trained and able to play independently and not need constant supervision when I have a newborn
@markrhoward Women who have vaginal births are also
Supposed to wait either 12-18 months to conceive again. Even if they didn’t, like you said, life isn’t fair. It doesn’t matter if it’s fair, it matters what’s healthy for your body and what will leave you alive for the child you do have, and your husband.
Anecdotally the women I know who have 2 under 2 basically say nothing but how stressful and hard it is, and how they can’t go out anywhere, having kids close in age doesn’t mean they’ll be best friends forever, that’s what actual friends are for, and another anecdote, my siblings are 4-5 years younger/older than me and we were close growing up, playing outside together all the time and playing games and stuff together. I think 4-5 year age gaps are perfect since the first wine would be starting school soon, if not already, so you’d be able to give the second child as much attention as they need as well
@markrhoward Life happens and not always the way we planned. I was hoping to get pregs w our 2nd around our baby’s first bday but we are now looking at TTC around 18 months. Sucks it’s so far apart but it’s really given us time to focus on our bub and us. We will be better prepared and I will be fully healed
