@elzappozah Do you have any people in your neighborhood with similar age kids? You could ask them if they want to go for a walk around the neighborhood or something like that- or invite them over for a playdate. We’ve had good luck with that!
Why is it so hard to make mom friends??
- Thread starter elzappozah
- Start date
@elzappozah Ideas for you.
1) As soon as you get a contact list for the kindergarten class, invite parents/kids for a play date after school one day. Maybe only 1-2 parents will show up, but that’s a start!
2) social media. See if there’s a local mom Facebook where you can arrange a play date for moms of kindergarteners/preschoolers. Post the same thing on NextDoor, Meetup, etc.
3) Extra curricular activities are a great way to meet people.
4) when you exchange numbers with someone, follow up! (This is my problem haha)
1) As soon as you get a contact list for the kindergarten class, invite parents/kids for a play date after school one day. Maybe only 1-2 parents will show up, but that’s a start!
2) social media. See if there’s a local mom Facebook where you can arrange a play date for moms of kindergarteners/preschoolers. Post the same thing on NextDoor, Meetup, etc.
3) Extra curricular activities are a great way to meet people.
4) when you exchange numbers with someone, follow up! (This is my problem haha)
elzappozah
New member
@elzappozah Eh maybe the teacher doesn’t do that. But check the PTA - at our school pretty much every family is in the PTA directory. Alternatively, each classroom should have a room rep - see if you could help your room rep organize a welcome park date or something.
@elzappozah Have you tried the app called peanut? It is like tinder for finding mom friends. I have met up with a few moms so far from it . Some of the meetings were awkward and we didn't really click, but there is one mom that my toddler and I have met up for a few park playdates so far and our sons get along and we enjoy eachthers company.
I also feel really awkward when talking to other moms, even though in other areas of my life I am pretty outgoing . I think the difference is that most social interactions as an adult are in places you have something in common with others like work or a hobby or even friends of friends. With parents it's similar to high school where a bunch of random people are thrown together based on age or the age of thier children. The chances of clicking with everyone is unlikely, but your group is there somewhere. It just takes time to find them.
I also feel really awkward when talking to other moms, even though in other areas of my life I am pretty outgoing . I think the difference is that most social interactions as an adult are in places you have something in common with others like work or a hobby or even friends of friends. With parents it's similar to high school where a bunch of random people are thrown together based on age or the age of thier children. The chances of clicking with everyone is unlikely, but your group is there somewhere. It just takes time to find them.
elzappozah
New member
@elzappozah It becomes so much easier in big school Lady!
I promise!
No one thinks their child is an angel anymore. No one is trying to win 'parent of the year'.
It's a wine fueled experience of catching up with women you enjoy and laughing together, while your kids run around the park/ backyard.
I promise!
No one thinks their child is an angel anymore. No one is trying to win 'parent of the year'.
It's a wine fueled experience of catching up with women you enjoy and laughing together, while your kids run around the park/ backyard.
elzappozah
New member
@haasrecht I hope you're right, my mom was never friends with any of my friends' parents so I'm always so worried I won't ever be!
aleksandros
New member
@elzappozah I honestly didn't make a lot of mom friends when my kid was young. It wasn't until she got to sports/band/theatre/music that I met more people.
I am socially awkward, so it was never easy, but I would just volunteer to help. Once you are seen as someone who will help out people find you.
I am socially awkward, so it was never easy, but I would just volunteer to help. Once you are seen as someone who will help out people find you.
elzappozah
New member
@aleksandros I'm very much hoping she wants to do extracurriculars when she gets older so we can both get out more and make lasting friendships!
erifrispam
New member
@elzappozah I tried to make mom friends by joining a community mom page. Instead of play dates/events it was just everyone trying to sell each other their mlm products. Im waiting until spring time to hopefully find my son and me friends at the park
paulbassett
New member
@elzappozah It might be worth posting on r/workingmoms to see if there are other folks in your area with similar aged kids!
I've learned that just having kids in common is not enough to make a friendship, so I've definitely had some false starts. However, I have found that most of the mom friends I have are working moms, because they understand the struggles that come with juggling family and work. It's not universally true, of course, but it's been a place to start.
I know that others have said that they had an easier time meeting other moms once their kid was in school. Yes to meeting folks, but I haven't made many friends through school... I think in part because just having kids isn't enough to make a friendship. I need to be able to talk with folks about things beyond parenting. Concerts and current affairs are my big two.
I've learned that just having kids in common is not enough to make a friendship, so I've definitely had some false starts. However, I have found that most of the mom friends I have are working moms, because they understand the struggles that come with juggling family and work. It's not universally true, of course, but it's been a place to start.
I know that others have said that they had an easier time meeting other moms once their kid was in school. Yes to meeting folks, but I haven't made many friends through school... I think in part because just having kids isn't enough to make a friendship. I need to be able to talk with folks about things beyond parenting. Concerts and current affairs are my big two.
@elzappozah I just keep myself out there over and over again. I eventually stumbled into a mom’s books club in my area where I ended up meeting a mom who runs a mom social group in my area. It’s tiring and exhausting trying to make connections while raising a small human.
A lot of times library’s take feedback on their classes, have you asked your library if they would be willing to add a weekend or evening class to their schedule ?
Have you checked your areas park and rec offerings?
Have you checked local mom Facebook groups ?
As far as isolating your daughter from her peers that iterates me so much for her. Small children need play and interaction it’s important for development. I’d be inquiring what other strategies the prek has for socializing her as they maybe creating a feed back loop of child desperately wanting peer interaction being over the top when she finally gets it.
A lot of times library’s take feedback on their classes, have you asked your library if they would be willing to add a weekend or evening class to their schedule ?
Have you checked your areas park and rec offerings?
Have you checked local mom Facebook groups ?
As far as isolating your daughter from her peers that iterates me so much for her. Small children need play and interaction it’s important for development. I’d be inquiring what other strategies the prek has for socializing her as they maybe creating a feed back loop of child desperately wanting peer interaction being over the top when she finally gets it.
elzappozah
New member
@paksoft I also worry that they're going to make things worse by putting her away from the other kids. I never thought to ask our library about having a later class or anything. Our library isn't all that great to begin with, our city voted to defund it last year so they have cut quite a few employees and events and stuff.
@elzappozah I live in a town that has a lot of families with young kids yet no one else really social and with kids same age as mine to potentially connect with. Other moms seem to hit off (I’m of course assuming in my head that they’re all besties hanging out every weekend except for me!) or be chatty and familiar because their kids are in the same extra curricular group. Im also quite introverted in this stage of my life plus WFH. I joined my daughter in her local scouts group as a volunteer leader thinking it’s an avenue to connect with other people but man, that’s another big assumption! I should probably focus on my own interests and meeting like minded people that way, but I honestly am so deep in the grind of things, my current interests only recently extended to reading (I’ve been reading a book a month and that’s a lot for me! Find a book club maybe?). If I give myself grace, a rational perspective is that a lot of other people are deep in the grind too and not focussed on making new friends with other parents. My husband joined a local running group and made a new social group that way (I don’t run, so not my vibe). I was interested in pickle ball last summer so I signed up for a beginner class and my group were all 15+ years my senior with in a couple lol No friendships formed from that but it was nice to connect with others each week and sweat it out too.
So yeah, it feels pretty crappy sometimes in my life these days, but I’m trying not to let things get to me and remind myself that things can/will change if I just keep chipping away at it a bit at a time.
So yeah, it feels pretty crappy sometimes in my life these days, but I’m trying not to let things get to me and remind myself that things can/will change if I just keep chipping away at it a bit at a time.
elzappozah
New member
@elzappozah There’s a lot of great advice here but I just had to add something: I think it’s a bit weird for a preschooler to get in trouble for talking. Pre-k is supposed to be all about socialization , not sitting quietly in a desk learning academics. On the plus side, looks like your kid will do great making friends on her own! Good luck and remember a lot of this stuff is out of your control, it can be a timing thing. I believe sometimes people come into (and out of) our lives in seasons, just be open and be yourself
elzappozah
New member
@elzappozah Put yourself out there, even if it means
getting out of your comfort zone. Something I’ve thought about is literally posting on here my area and scheduling a play date once the weather breaks.
getting out of your comfort zone. Something I’ve thought about is literally posting on here my area and scheduling a play date once the weather breaks.
@elzappozah I find it super hard too. I try so hard, none of my close friends have kids so I really want our daughter to have friends her own age to grow up with. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me, I have a lot of close friends that I’ve had ranging from time spans of 10-25 years so I think I’ve got what it takes…we even have a mini pony kids can ride and can’t make friends!!