Why is it so hard to make mom friends??

@elzappozah Do you work full time? (I assume you do, given you're confused by the library activities being at 10am on a weekday - they're for SAHPs/grandparents/shift-workers to take younger kids to after school dropoff, and people usually take their kids there to make up for lack of daycare socialising.)

The trick is to find families who are available when you are available.

After Maternity leave, you often find that the parents who go back to work want to socialise at the weekend (because they've been looking forward to getting to play with their kids all week) but the Stay-At-Home-Parents want to hand the kid off to their other half and be alone for once at the weekend (they had playdates duringthe week). Unless they have a pre-existing strong bond, they're probably not going to be meeting up much!

It often helps to match up with similar aged kids, too - if you're arranging a playdate for one four year old, look out for four year olds who don't have siblings. If you also have a baby, look out for four year olds out with babies or whose mums are pregnant. As kids get older, it really helps to match up all the kids so that no-one is left out (and bugging the adults for attention).

Trying being out-and-about at the times you will typically be available to socialise - go to the library or the local (ideally walking distance) play park then, and see who else is around. Those are the people available when you are.
 
@elzappozah OP, have you considered looking for a new activity for YOU? I think you’d be surprised! I really hate small talk too but being engaged in an activity or sport with others really takes a lot of pressure off the whole breaking the ice thing.

99% of the new adult friends I have made in the last 5 years have either been newer moms, pregnant, actively trying to be pregnant OR have older kids and can finally come up for air & a social life.

I picked up tennis in 2020 and it’s brought some absolutely wonderful women into my life. 8 of my teammates had a baby the last year or are pregnant now, and my doubles partner and I even get to do pregnancy together (about 19 weeks apart.)

Highly encourage you to look for something for YOU and it will happen so naturally! Follow some local boutiques, spas, med spas on IG or Facebook and look for their Pop-Up events that will attract other socially minded women. Don’t underestimate the power of your hair stylist and who she knows and could introduce you too as well!

Activity wise- Off the top of my head: I have SO many friends that play tennis, or pickleball (both super trendy now so you will find a lot of newbies), mahjong, participate in junior league or similar social organizations. If you’re in a place with a bigger LifeTime Fitness or similar gym, they will often have tennis leagues you can join if a country club type of thing isn’t for you.

Wishing you the best of luck!!
 
@elzappozah Try bonding over other things besides motherhood . Like your hobbies (roller skating,reading etc) activities moms are most likely to do . Because we want genuine connection
 
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