Mom's who had C-sections and have 2 under 2... or 3 or 4

[werewolf]

@markrhoward I had a c section in December 2021 and I got pregnant with my second when my daughter was 11 months old. I was advised by my doctor and OB to wait 18 months between births. My daughter will be 20 months when #2 is born. I have two OBs and have met with a third who is a specialist in trial of labour (birthing again after c section) and none of them have concerns about my current pregnancy. I am able to try for a VBAC if I want but it’s my choice.

There are risks to giving birth again but some of the comments in this thread are a bit much and likely none of the commenters are medical professionals. Talk to your doctor about this. Reddit is not the place for medical advice.

 

[katrina2017]

@werewolf Yes, both my doctors said 18 months BETWEEN births not pregnancies

 

[silverwings6154]

@markrhoward I had my babies 19 months apart (got pregnant when my first was 10 months old) both c sections. To answer your questions:

1. My husband worked nights and slept days when your second was a newborn. I had to change my toddlers diaper on the floor rather than lifting him on his changing pad. My husband put him in his crib for bed but I had to bite the bullet when it came to nap time. It was painful but I had to do it.
2. Managing both is hard. My toddler got jealous and clingy. He would throw fits when I was breastfeeding and unable to tend to him. He got over it quick and became obsessed with his little brother but he’s still very jealous. We’re working on “it’s brothers turn for mommy right now, soon it will be your turn”
3. I had no complications with my pregnancy or birth
4. The baby didn’t affect my toddlers sleep AT ALL. I know he can hear the baby from his room but he ignores it.

 

[chpjoe]

@markrhoward My advice: don't do it. I had a forceps delivery (vaginal) and got pregnant ten months out. This pregnancy is much harder than the first! My hips are falling apart, my back is killing me because my toddler needs lifting, I'm really struggling to keep up with everything - and my partner is both supportive and present!

Also, uterine rupture nearly killed my grandma, so I'm deeply reluctant to fuck around with stretching out an imperfectly healed scar.

 

[markrhoward]

@chpjoe Thank you for this info! Having to do heavy lifting during pregnancy isn't something I thought about.

 

[katrina2017]

@markrhoward So it was explained to me that 18 months meant from birth to birth. So when you’re baby is 9 months. I very explicitly asked these questions when I found out I’d have to schedule a cesarean. I initially wanted two close in age.

They said they’d try for a VBAC first and foremost, but friends have said they felt pressured into csections after one.

My initial birth went great, but afterwards my sutures ruptured and my bowels fell out of me. Little nerve wracking. So—we decided to wait until his second birthday probably.

 

[makssiful]

@markrhoward I had 2 planned c-sections 14.5 months apart.

My OB was not concerned at all with my scaring or possible rupturing. She did order an ultrasound but it was more to check on my scar should I want a VBAC, which I did not.
I had 2 fairly normal pregnancies. My first, I was sick here or there and craved spicy food. My second, I craved nothing and only ate toast with Nutella and banana (I don’t even like bananas).

It was definitely not the most fun carrying around an infant while heavily pregnant but I don’t really think that would get better the bigger our gap. I actually volunteered to run multiple mommy and me groups with my first while pregnant, so we were occupied.

The c-section was pretty easy, everything was fresh. And, bonus, since they were going in anyway, I had them remove my tubes.

My husband was and is still very involved (at 3 and almost 2 years old). He took on most of the toddler care while I did most of the newborn care until I could pick the first up again.

Healing, honestly, I had a way easier time healing the second time around. I don’t know if it why, but I suspect my inner “mom strength” help speed up my healing. By 3 months pp, I was back at work full time and my husband was the stay at home dad for 15 months (being Canadian helped us greatly).

My worst experience while pregnant the second time, was a heavy clash of peripartum and postpartum mashing up and creating a super depression that none of my doctors took seriously, but that’s all fixed up now.

Overall, don’t let the “you can die” talk get to you. You can die doing a lot of things. But have a good conversation with your doctor. Maybe ask to be sent for an ultrasound to see how your internal stitches are doing. And base it off of the opinions of medical professionals, rather than redditors.

If you want two kiddos close in age, whatever floats your boat! My kiddos are so cute together, and we did get to recycle a lot of baby stuff, since we saved everything, we didn’t need to make many purchases on big things and saved a load of money.

 

[parentingcoach]

@markrhoward I had a c section in July of 2020, and a second May of 2022. Meaning I got pregnant when my first was 14 months old.

To answer your question about lifting restrictions…. I was lifting my toddler 6 days postpartum. It was entirely unavoidable.

You absolutely need to wait. The transition from 1 to 2 was brutal and I have a very supportive husband, parents and work schedule.

Reading this post gives me nightmares

 

[miguel76]

@markrhoward I had an emergency C section and was advised by my doctor that I would not be able to get pregnant for two years minimum (baby to be approx born three years after first c-section). He said my c-section was extremely complicated and rough and I WOULD 100% DEFINITELY rupture my uterus if I do not comply. He even made me sign paperwork stating I understood the instruction. I doubt this is your specific situation but I do believe the general advice is a minimum of 2 years before the next birth. I’ve done some research and it can cause major complications unfortunately.

 

[lovemyboys]

@markrhoward I had a very complicated first C-section, so my doctor advised not trying until my first was 12 months (usual recommendation is 18 mo between deliveries). They really stressed the importance of this but I think it was mostly due to the complications of my first C-section. I also have fertility issues so my second was born when my first was 25 months.

I had a lot of challenges during my pregnancy, including extreme hyperemesis until 20ish weeks, placenta previa, and then pre-e. Due to the placenta previa I couldn't lift my toddler from 20 weeks until about 30 weeks when it resolved. Pregnancy and caring for my toddler was actually way more challenging for me than post delivery. After the C-section I couldn't lift him again. I lucked out and told my son I had a boo boo and couldn't carry him and he understood this and would just insist we held hands when he wanted to be carried. I don't imagine all toddlers are like that, so that could be a huge challenge. I definitely wasn't ready to carry my 35lb 2 yo for several weeks after the C-section.

I found the transition to caring for 2 children easier than I did when I had my first. I knew what to expect the second time around and I found it easy to just set up shop in the playroom. I cared for my newborn and played with my toddler. We use sound machines so that neither child wakes up the other overnight and that has worked out well. Now that they are 1 and 3 they play well together and my 3 yo is super protective of his little sister. I love the 2 year age gap. But this has just been my experience. Everyone has different feelings and experiences. I do think it's important to speak with your doctor about when is safe for you to start trying. They know better than anyone here about your specific medical/delivery history to give the best recommendation.

ETA: I initially wanted them to be even closer in age but felt it safest to follow my doctor's recommendation and I think this worked out well for me.

 

[rharvey32]

@markrhoward I am 26+3 with a 13 month old! He was a preemie, with an emergency c section done at 31 weeks. I got the all clear from my MFM to conceive (in my case another IVF transfer) at 8 months. My reproductive doctor did a saline infused sonohysterogram to check my uterus and the C-section scar, and it all looked “beautiful and ready for a baby” as they put it. My first tri was much worse this time, but I’ve been relatively normal feeling since about 20 weeks! In my previous pregnancy, this is when all the crap started to hit the fan, so we will see.

I am being followed by another MFM because I delivered early due to pre-e last time. Otherwise, so far it’s a healthy pregnancy

 

[scottyboyyy]

@markrhoward I was advised to wait 18 months before trying again. I had a friend who got pregnant at 6 months pp and had an emergency c section with her first. Because she didn't wait the recommended timeframe she had to get another C-section no matter what. Also afterwards because she didn't let her body heal she had a hard time postpartum recovering than she did the first time plus now has two kids. She had to have her husband help way more and luckily he was able to have 12 weeks paid leave. For me the risks of uterine rupture was not something to play with. I'm waiting 2 years before trying because I still don't feel strong enough yet.

 

[mva0802]

@markrhoward Others have said the same, but waiting less than 18 months to conceive again after a c-section is highly dangerous to you and your baby. I work in the NICU and can’t tell you how many babies we get in for preterm birth due to moms having placental abnormalities or uterine dysfunction after having sections too close together.

Child spacing is each-to-their-own, but there’s research out there indicating that ideal spacing for family and child wellbeing is more like 3-5 years! I was surprised by this.

 

[ajesus_freak01]

@markrhoward I’m pregnant with my 2nd now due in August. They will be 23mo. So I can really only answer question 3 right now.

I waited the 12mo before conceiving again because my doctor did strong encourage it and said if I did get pregnant before then at least with her or their office it was pretty much a guaranteed repeat c section. I didn’t have a bad c section but wanted the possibility of a VBAC if possible.

 

[godlovesart]

@markrhoward I have 17 month old twins and I’m due in July with a singleton. My twins were a c section at 33+4, my water broke on it’s own, i labored naturally but one twin flipped at the last second. My c section was textbook, healed beautifully, and I have no issues with it. I got pregnant right after my twins turned 1 and every doctor at my practice is willing to try a vbac despite my pregnancies being so close together and the first being a c section. It really depends on you and what you’re comfortable with. I also know others who had their c sections around 18 months apart and had no issues.

 

[angel6791]

@godlovesart Just commenting that I hope your VBAC happens for you! I had a planned C section with my first (breech) and had a totally healthy VBAC 23 months later. It is possible! And if you end up with a C section again that’s ok too and you know what to expect.

 

[godlovesart]

@angel6791 That’s amazing to hear! I feel like there’s a lot of horror stories out there, so I like hearing positives

 

[angel6791]

@godlovesart Also based on how you delivered your twins and went into spontaneous labor it sounds like you are a great candidate for VBAC. You just had a little gymnast baby like me! I waited til 40+5 weeks to deliver my VBAC baby and my water broke on its own. It was rough being super pregnant in the dead of summer with a toddler but it was worth it to wait that long for spontaneous labor for me. And recovery was 10x easier for me than with the c section even with a 2 year old and a 2nd degree tear.

 

[david29s]

@markrhoward

1. Be careful and listen to your body, but also do what you need to do. My toddler was over 30 lbs but I had to lift him small bits here and there - think about how you’re holding your own body and minimize the use of your abs. When possible, go down to them rather than lifting them up. Rely on their budding independence and guide them to climb up / help cover as much distance as possible! I am also 6ft tall and I think my body can handle a little extra… so just be wise. On the flip side, I have a tendency to overdo it and probably took it too far a few times during recovery.
2. 1-2 weeks at a time by yourself will be HARD. Hard. You will need help, frequently. It would NOT be a good idea for your husband to be gone at work during your 8 week recovery, minimum. Even after that point, it is not easy. My husband does shift work so there would be long stretches with me alone, but I would not have been able to take care of basic cleaning / household tasks without the interludes where he was home. How often would you have help?
3. I accidentally got pregnant with our second when the first had just hit 16 months. Personally my doctor had said wait two years after my first was born, but obviously the second wasn’t on purpose 16 months later. It wasn’t ideal but it was ok. The first trimester was hard with a 1.5 year old.
4. We all share a room, even now that the littlest one is 6 months and the oldest is 2.5. The oldest woke up a handful of times, but most of the time slept through. I would move out of the bedroom when she would wake up to nurse her so she wasn’t making a ton of noise crying where older brother was sleeping.

 

[devotedbaker54]

@markrhoward Mine are 25 months apart and were both c-sections. I followed doctors orders and waited 12 months after having my first before trying for my second. My husband would have liked to have tried sooner, but understood the health risks and was agreed it was important to wait.

As far as picking up your toddler after a c-section, it can be tricky. I was told to wait 6 weeks but when I explained that wasn’t realistic with a toddler at home, they told me to wait at least 2 weeks and then after that only pick up the toddler occasionally and not for very long.

Managing a newborn and two year old at the same time was A LOT. They were both very needy but in different ways. Thankfully toddler still went to daycare to keep his routine. Personally, it would have been very hard for me to manage both of them by myself, especially at naps and bedtime. Now that the baby is 9 months and toddler is almost 3, it has gotten easier to take care of them by myself.

My toddler has always been a great sleeper and the new baby didn’t affect that. They have their own rooms and sound machines so I doubt he even hears the baby.