Mom shamed for formula feeding

[jjchris]

@mikailao20 My favorite phrase regarding unsolicited advice/weird comments like this is politely saying “oh no, how embarrassing for you.” And following up with either an explanation as to why they’re wrong and/or how in this day and age unsolicited advice/what they said was quite rude.

Real life examples:

“Oh how embarrassing for you! Turns out a few decades ago it was determined solids before they’re ready causes digestive issues and doesn’t help with sleep. It’s best not to spread that anymore!”

“Oh how embarrassing for you! I understand where you’re coming from but I don’t know you and you don’t know my situation, which is probably why unsolicited advice is seen as rude these days.”

“Oh how embarrassing for you! If he was cold he would be crying, not to mention how I dress my child is none of your concern.”

I understand it’s quite confrontational, but as is these weird comments we get. It’s okay to tell people they’re embarrassingly wrong

 

[mikailao20]

@jjchris I'm saving these responses for my MIL

 

[lynnn]

@mikailao20 It simply shows that she’s uneducated in this matter and also probably miserable for some reason because happy people don’t try to put down others. There is logically zero reason for you to value her opinion higher than yours. You don’t even know her?

Also your husband is a butt for passing this on to you. He should have told her off and not even bother you with this.

 

[mikailao20]

@lynnn Yes she's never liked me, I have no idea why! My husband told me in the context that he couldn't believe a L&D nurse would say something like that and that she's nuts and shouldn't be around moms. I don't think he was expecting me to feel sad, and I'm surprised I am, but I think because I'm doing my best with my LO that to hear someone criticize my parenting has really affected me.

 

[android3850]

@mikailao20 Let me tell you, there is no different. As someone who was formula fed who has sibilings who were breast fed- it makes no difference in their health or their brain function. I know it’s anecdotal evidence, but I think it’s worth something.

Additionally, I am a mother of twins who are 8 months now. They are formula fed because of low supply, I developed MERS, and my babies were in the NICU for a month and I had to isolate for 12 days because I contracted COVID when they were born. The odds were stacked against us hard with the breastfeeding, but I tried my best. I pumped myself raw, cried every time about how worthless my body is for not being physically able to feed them, and I wanted to die. Don’t be me then, be me now. My babies health and weight improved dramatically when I had the NICU switch them to formula. My health improved when I stopped pumping also, and my mental health did a full turn.

Your baby is going to be fine and you are doing a good job. Don’t let someone else shame you into feeling like a bad mom. We are all just trying to do our best, and any mom that doesn’t recognize that needs to be reality checked.

 

[mikailao20]

@android3850 Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so glad your mental health is better. I'm getting ready to stop pumping myself as the amount I get is not worth the effort, I can use that time to bond with my baby.

 

[android3850]

@mikailao20 EXACTLY! If you need to talk, you can PM me At the end of the day, your baby’s development is going to benefit more from having their mom operating at her best then from breast milk alone. Do what’s best for you two, and don’t let anyone else shame you for that. You got this mama.

 

[andrewz28]

@mikailao20 I would have lost my cool on her and husband if he didn't shut her down immediately. I also have low supply and am losing my mind breast feeding, pumping and using formula. How dare she judge something a lot of women cannot control. There's nothing wrong with formula feeding.
Cast her into the fire!!!!

She knows there's nothing wrong with formula she just wants to feel superior. I'd cut her out of my life.

 

[mikailao20]

@andrewz28 Yes my husband told her fed is best and she told him breast is best and he ended the conversation

 

[imatortilla]

@mikailao20 There is no evidence that says there’s a drastic difference in the long run when it comes to the effectiveness of breastfeeding vs. formula feeding. I desperately wanted to breastfeed but couldn’t because the medication I was on was keeping me alive and I felt terrible about it for so long. Women would ask if I breastfeed and give me the most uncomfortable looks if I said I can’t. One woman even said to me “you know it’s better for them” as if that was any help. But, a family friend told me before I even knew we’d have to exclusively formula feed that “fed is best” and despite the guilt I’ve been made to feel for not breastfeeding, I constantly have to call that to mind. I know it’s easier said than done… but don’t let her words live in your head rent-free. Your baby is being fed and THAT is what matters. Not other people’s opinions. I’m sending all the hugs your way!

 

[guyfromnorway]

@mikailao20 It’s one thing for her to say that to your husband but why on earth would your husband repeat it back to you? Was he genuinely concerned that his ignorant friend’s gross comments might be true? Surely he knew it would upset you. I’m so sorry. You’re doing great. You are feeding and loving your baby and not letting them starve due to the dangerous and flawed logic of lactivists. Formula is a miracle of science. I also tried to exclusively pump and couldn’t produce enough. I got snide comments, side eye, all of it from the crunchy mommies where I live and even my best friend. I started truly enjoying my child once I gave up on trying to pump and went to formula. She’s almost 9 months and thriving. Try not to let this woman’s comments bother you. I’m convinced these breastfeeding moms who put down us formula moms have nothing better going on in their lives so that’s what they do and it’s honestly sad.

 

[mikailao20]

@guyfromnorway My husband told me in the context of he can't believe someone like her is a L&D nurse spewing such nonsense. He definitely didn't think I would have the reaction I did. I'm surprised too as I know formula is great. He's definitely sorry he told me and constantly reassures me I'm doing great and he's encouraging me to stop pumping so we can EFF and I can spend more time with him and my baby. Thank you for sharing your story with me and I'm happy your LO is thriving

 

[freeofocd]

@mikailao20 Gross. It’s hard enough to be a mom let alone deal with that. I’m sorry

I always say I was formula fed only and I turned out fine. My first kid was combo fed. If they really pushed that crap I’d probably drop on them “well my baby was literally dying in front of me before formula was introduced so…are you saying it’s better my kid starved to death?” Forget that. There’s a lot of ways to parent. As long as they’re not neglected or abused you’re doing fine.

Sorry this made me mad for you.

 

[mikailao20]

@freeofocd Thank you! I'm sad for her patients once she returns to work.

 

[hollielee]

@mikailao20 I exclusively pumped for 5 months and lost my supply when my husband deployed, we then switched to formula, and thus far it has been the best decision I’ve made for her and I.

She is 11 months now and has not been sick once in her life, so formula babies being sick often is a joke, I have also had someone tell me that my daughter would be less smart on formula, which in the moment is incredibly discouraging especially to a FTM like myself. But that’s just a bad show of character from the commenter.

Formula is incredibly advanced and safe for babies of all ages, if you had adopted that baby, she wouldn’t make comments about you not breast feeding her, I know it’s hard to not take to heart, but I promise that what you are doing is the right choice for you. For me, it was choosing to struggle over pumping 24/7 to TRY and make enough milk for my daughter or throw all that stress out and formula feed, enabling me to be happier and more active in my daughters life.

Sending love and support as I know it’s not an easy decision

 

[mikailao20]

@hollielee Thank you for sharing your story. My husband wants us to EFF as pumping makes me miserable and supply has significantly decreased.

 

[hollielee]

@mikailao20 My husband was the same, it was definitely hard for me to let go even though it was heavily contributing to PPD, I told myself that if I’m happier, I can be a more present parent and partner. I can confidently say it has been my best decision as a mom so far.

 

[mikailao20]

@hollielee Yes I'm the one still holding on. I keep thinking maybe one day I'll magically produce more. I feel guilty as formula is expensive but my husband constantly reminds me to not think about the cost, just that it's part of life and our LO loves the formula.

 

[hollielee]

@mikailao20 We are on WIC, if you are eligible it is an amazing resource! We still have to buy a couple cans a month on our own but still saves tons of money! I remember crying for days when I quit, it also is a huge hormonal shift in the body when you stop pumping!

 

[mikailao20]

@hollielee Thank you but I'm Canadian, we don't have WIC here but I'm familiar about it as I have a ton of American family. I'm so glad WIC is helping families buy formula. Our LO drinks a lot so we go through it really fast, but it's okay, we are managing