Single Mom to 2 kids 6&3. I co-parent with my ex-husband. It’s my week, and 2 of my 6 y/o’s classmates had birthday parties back to back. It’s been a long afternoon, but we all survived and they had fun.
I went out of my way to make an effort to talk to several Moms. Literally, they told me who their kid was, and moved on. I didn’t grow up here, but my kids have always lived in this state. Is this how it’s gonna be? This is ridiculous. The ones I stood near were talking about a marathon they’re training for or staining their back porch. I rent and I don’t run. Is this what I have to look forward to? None of these Moms looked like they worked, either. Must be nice
@alaina You just have to keep subjecting yourself to it until it clicks. I’ve been to dozens of kid parties and made one good friend so far. But one is enough for me!
@alaina So what if you don’t own a home or run? You still can’t figure out how to talk to another adult? I don’t run but I can still figure out questions to ask someone training for a marathon. It really sounds like you went in with a sour attitude and judgmental from the start (how can you tell they don’t work just by looking at them?).
@alaina I think you're projecting a lot. How can you tell someone doesn't work by how they look? It's hard to make friends as an adult even without kids and when people have them, they're too drained to be social. A kid's birthday party is probably the worst place for that. It's overstimulating and boring at the same time, and parents can't wait to leave.
@alaina It’s like being back in high school— you’re thrown together with a bunch of random people and it’s a roll of the dice if you will vibe with anyone or not. I think the only difference is that I think for moms there’s some kind of pressure or expectation that we should get along because we’re all moms, or have kids in the same school or even because our kids are friends. But just like we weren’t friends with everyone back in high school just because they go to the same school as us, we also don’t have to hit it off with every mom.
I find it can be boring and annoying to deal with a group of people who I don’t click with, but once I removed that pressure from the situations (“if i don’t make friends with someone there it’s because there’s something wrong with me. Or them! And I’ll never have mom friends or a social life” etc etc) it was easier to deal with. I mean I’m friendly and i make an attempt but if it’s awkward i just shrug my shoulders and wait out the 2 hours. I no longer take it as a personal failure or rejection. Occasionally I do meet cool people too!
@alaina I hear you OP. I have had some difficulty finding real mom friends as well. I thought I had made some when my kids were younger but once our kids no longer hung out we drifted apart. In addition my husband doesn’t seem to click with any of the husbands of the moms so that makes it tough as well. The working moms are too busy to invest in new friendships while the SAH moms are friends with the other SAH moms. I have some acquaintances but no one I really trust to confide in. Hopefully once the kids are a bit older and I have more time to spend on my own hobbies and interests things will improve in this area.
@clicks I just wish all moms could find some kind of solidarity. Working moms, stay at home moms, good grief it’s hard no matter what. I just long for that connection, you know?
@alaina It’s not really a lack of solidarity it’s just a different life experience. I’ve worked part time and now full time with kids and I just can’t make the hang outs during the day or at the time my friends want to. Maybe try some library programs or other social activities for parents and kids. If your kiddo is in daycare try and make friends with one of the other parents. It’s hard and awkward. You’ll get there.
@alaina I have mom friends, but I found them through meetups for other mutual interests. If you are looking for friends solely because they are a mother, you’re going to have a harder time.
@alaina It sounds like you’re judging these moms pretty harshly. It’s okay to have different interests and ask about their interests. It seems very odd to dismiss them because they like to run and want to fix their porch
