Losing it; 2 y/o awake for hours at a time. How to break the cycle?

@digg3r No, ours did a whole thing involving a chair and jumping in when they cry, but it's more the "how" you jump in than whether you jump in or not. I guess if you Google "chair method sleep training" you might find a few instances of it. Still, the idea is to train kids to fall asleep on their own and remove any incentive they may have to wake up in the night such as bottle, lactation, pampering, etc, but its also not quite as unforgiving as cry it out.
 
@p4z Hi! She falls asleep easily; “good night honey. Love you” and we can leave. No issues there.

When she flips her shit we give her a bit of time before quietly going to her and giving her the space to flip her shit further.
 
@maxinvasion I had a similar situation with my kid where he regressed and would not fall asleep on his own anymore. My wife or I would have to sit in his room with him (and later snuggle him in his own bed) until he fell back to sleep between 2 and 12 times each night for about a year.

What finally fixed it was a sleep trainer's course with a method called "Camping In." Here are the major points:
  • Have a brief, but firm one-time "meeting" with your kid about how important sleep is for her and that she is going to start needing to fall asleep by herself. Even if she doesn't understand, she will get the idea that something is going down.
  • If you're touching her in any way to get her to sleep, you have to stop doing that. You can still have your bedtime routine that snuggling can be a part of, but no one should be touching her to fall asleep.
  • Once you put her to bed, do your story or song or snuggle or whatever is normal, then tell her that you are SOOO SLEEPY that you can't talk anymore. You're Sleepy Daddy or Sleepy Mommy, and these 2 people are too tired to talk.
  • If you're not in bed with her to get her to sleep, at bedtime, get a chair, like a dining room chair, that doesn't belong in her room so she doesn't think this is a permanent thing and put it in her room next to her bed.
  • If you're in bed with her to get her to fall asleep, just sit on her bed next to her, but facing the foot of the bed so she can see your profile.
  • Up to the first 3 times she protests, you can just gently repeat a phrase like, "It's time for bed, now. I'm too sleepy to talk." After that, ignore her cries, screams, protests, or any kind of tantrum. If she tries to get out of bed, just silently and lovingly put her back in. I promise, she WILL stop eventually and she WILL fall asleep. The first night is going to be the hardest, so if you can get through that, the rest is going easier.
  • When she gets out of bed to come get you or wakes up crying for you, silently being her back to her room or silently go back in, resume your sitting position, and let her throw her tantrum. If she needs a diaper change, do so silently, and return her to bed. Don't give her any attention so she can learn to fall asleep without it.
  • When she wakes up, remove the dining room chair from her room.
  • From here, each "stage" lasts a maximum of 3 nights. If you can get her to bed at a stage with minimal fuss before the 3 nights is up, you can skip to the next, or even skip a stage. For all stages, you should sit in a way that's not facing her, but so that she can see your profile. The door should be closed completely for all stages unless otherwise noted.
  • Stages:
  • Sitting on her bed next to her
  • Sitting on a dining room chair next to her bed
  • Sitting on a chair halfway between her bed and the door
  • Sitting on a chair in her doorway (can't close the door for this one)
  • Sitting on a chair outside her room still in view with the door open
  • Sitting on a chair outside her room where she can't see you and with the door open
  • No chair; just close the door and go about your business
  • If she won't stay in her room at this point, the sleep trainer's advice was to either hold the doorknob so she can't open the door or to get a "door monkey" that lets her open the door a little (as a natural consequence), but not enough to get out. I didn't agree with this, but I didn't have to do it, and I wouldn't judge anyone who had to resort to this.
  • While you're doing all this, get a clock that lights up when it's time for her to get out of bed, and make it a rule that she doesn't get out of bed (unless she pooped or something) until the clock lights up.
Good luck, and keep us posted
 
@maxinvasion Split nights are often because they're just not tired enough to sleep all night. Is she still napping? You could try capping the nap, pushing bed time later and/or waking her up earlier. It usually takes around two weeks or so for them to build up enough sleep pressure and start seeing a difference. It's helped reduce the number of wakes with my crappy sleeper 18 month old. If it's too much to do all at once you can just go 15 minutes at a time. Good luck!
 
@heart4deaf My daughter did this when she was around 18 months and it was because her bed time was too early and it was kinda like a nap instead of full on sleep. We shifted her bedtime later and it stopped.
 
@heart4deaf Yeah she could be ready to drop her nap altogether as well. It’s early, but it happens. My son is crazy and need 13 hours of awake time during the day to avoid split nights. Some kids just need less sleep.
 
@maxinvasion Had the same with our youngest. Bad news is he got to about 2y7m before he's now sleeping consistently. Good news he's sleeping through the night pretty consistently. Bad news again, he wakes up between 5-6am, but I can work with that.

The biggest thing I can say is to focus on putting her down before she's fully asleep. Start when you can tell she's about to go, but not out. Naps and at night. The more she gets use to falling asleep without you, the better she'll be at night when she wakes up.

For our youngest, it was awake but practically asleep. Working our way up to putting him down wide awake and letting him go to sleep on his own. At first for naps, working on at night. It's a process.

Also, good trick. If/when in bed with her, tell her you need to go get "something" and you'll be right back. Keep leaving to get the "something" for longer and longer. Gets them use to being alone in bed. Worked wonders for our oldest.
 
@girlbaby17 Same with mine. Some time around three she just started sleeping through and it had absolutely nothing to do with us or any of the million things we’d tried. We are all much happier and more productive people since. I feel for OP. That prolonged sleeplessness was hell.
 
@maxinvasion Damn, yours too? Mines literally been going through the exact same thing sounds like I wrote this post lol. The best way we’ve found is just rubbing her back and shushing her. If yours understands bedtime we also remind her its bedtime and dark out. Sometimes she wants the door open. Usually she still wakes up again but she’ll go back down for an hour at least lol. Also be sure to check their mouth for new teeth, ours is just getting her molars in so we’re thinking thats part of it.
 
@maxinvasion We sleep trained. My daughter was similar, she could sleep for 4-5 hours, then she was awake. Nothing we could do would stay asleep. Both of us decided sleep training was the right thing to do. She was safe, fed, and changed. Our sanity meant a lot, and it was a hard pill to swallow. We simply couldn't bounce in front of the dryer on a yoga ball qany more.

She is 8 now, and the most amazing person that I can't believe I had a hand in making. She's in touch with her emotions, even coming to hug me during a play date with friends, and all the confidence I wish I had at her age.

My advice: do what you need to as parents. Without rest, you can't be your best. I think they have short term memory issues for a reason. We feel we suck as parents, and make rash decisions. You're doing the best you can. Your kids love you, and you're an amazing dad. Lots of love in the comments and your kids will be a support network you never thought possible.

Keep it up, both king and queen. Ya'll are doing the right thing.
 
@maxinvasion You might want to speak to a Dr about a sleep study and other options- I am not trying to offer a diagnosis or fear monger but some neurodivergent conditions like ADHD etc often cause sleep cycle disruptions in young children.
 
@almighty100 You don’t even have to goto ADHD. It could be as simple as sleep apnea. There’s like three different kinds, but basically once a kid wakes up it triggers fight or flight. Sometimes though, it doesn’t look like it because they are able to quickly self sooth to calm the nerves, but won’t be able to get back to sleep. Sleep study will be able to tell.
 
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