Hi all,
I did so much research when I had my son six months ago, that I've coordinated my reseach into one helpful post that I've been sending to other pregnant ladies in my life. I decided to post it here for anyone who needs some guidance. I also had the wonderful fortune of having midwives guide my pregnancy, and they had provided me with a library of books that are listed below.
LABOUR & DELIVERY
The Birth Partner is an amazing book. Holliday Tyson's Youtube videos were amazingly helpful for what to expect, and what the body does during birth, as well as the book Why Did No One Tell Me This? All the planning in the world won’t account for the baby’s position, which can affect the duration and pain of birth. It's good to understand all the options and be informed. This way, if you're heading towards surgery and a c-section, you're empowered to make the necessary decisions, and can wrap your head around what's happening. It's the idea that birth only looks one way that can make all other options feel traumatic.
Both of the books above will inform you of the physiology of birth, including the fact that pushing usually averages an hour and a half. Media would have us think that we're looking at 2hrs of labour and 10 minutes of pushing, but that is NOT the case. Also, it's not intuitive to be pushing while on your back. You're essentially having a giant p**p, what position is going to enable you to get the most out of your pushes? Also, if you're experiencing any Pregnancy Anxiety, get friends to screen TV Shows and Movies for any pregnancy related losses. It's a common trope, and it's stressful.
HAVING A NEWBORN
When we brought my son home, I was EXHAUSTED. I read all sorts of babycare stuff, and it just fell out of my sleep deprived brain. I asked the midwife if I was doing enough, and she said 'Is he fed? Is he changed? That's it for now.' Luckily, she didn't ask if he was consistently dressed, because he was naked for the first week, swaddled in a diaper. Dressing a baby is cruel and unusual punishment when you're sleep deprived. Also, the Fourth Trimester is real. Babies HATE being out of the womb for those first three months, the temperature, diaper changes. It all sucks for them. I felt like we hit a real turning point at 3 months, and then another turning point at 6 months. Don't feel like you need to start parenthood knowing it all. Research on the fly, ask friends, call mom/dad (unless they keep asking if we've given them peblum yet. WTF is peblum).
POSTPARTUM MOMS
Everyone talks about Postpartum Depression, but not enough people talk about Postpartum Anxiety. Feeling socially anxious about people-ing because we spent the last few years in isolation? Tack on some sleep deprivation, and amplify it to 11. I really felt like the issue wasn't having a baby - It's having to operate on very little sleep. Call your parents, call a friend, get some formula to bridge the gap so that you can sleep. BOTH of you. It makes a world of difference. It's hard to be kind to yourself or your spouse at this level of sleep deprivation. My in-laws came to stay in-town (not with us - read the Lemon Clot Essay), and watch LO while we caught up on the sleep. It was a lifeline.
STUFF
Broken into 9 separate lists, with notes alongside, many of these items were found on marketplace or other secondhand shops. I found secondhand consignment shops were fanastic for getting sleepers and onesies. All of this stuff is easily found at walmart, or is two days away with Amazon prime, so don't feel like you have to have it all when the baby comes. I sent my mother-in-law to the store before I left the hospital to pick up items in the post-partum care section, because I didn't want to buy something I might not need, pending whether I delivered vaginally or via c-section. Also strollers, car-seats, and cribs all have safety ratings that expire. Didn't stop me from getting a second-hand ikea crib though. Probably would not get a second-hand car-seat, but that's speaking from a place of priviledge.
Newborn Necessities
Postpartum Care
Feeding Baby
Nursery and Clothes
Baby Gear
Baby Toys that Rowan Loved
Recommended Reading
Baby Proofing
TLDR:
- The Birth Partner is an amazing book. Holliday Tyson's Youtube videos were amazingly helpful for what to expect, and what the body does during birth, as well as the book Why Did No One Tell Me This. Birth is sort of like having a giant p**p.
- Newborns aren't complicated, and you're all set if you're feeding and changing them to start with.
- Sleep is the hottest commodity postpartum. Postpartum Anxiety is real and everything feels better with sleep. Call anyone to come over and let you get some sleep. Who doesn't want to hold a newborn? Get some formula and make it happen. You'll be kinder to yourself and a better parent.
- Most baby stuff can be found on marketplace, except a stroller or crib, since they expire for safety ratings.
I did so much research when I had my son six months ago, that I've coordinated my reseach into one helpful post that I've been sending to other pregnant ladies in my life. I decided to post it here for anyone who needs some guidance. I also had the wonderful fortune of having midwives guide my pregnancy, and they had provided me with a library of books that are listed below.
LABOUR & DELIVERY
The Birth Partner is an amazing book. Holliday Tyson's Youtube videos were amazingly helpful for what to expect, and what the body does during birth, as well as the book Why Did No One Tell Me This? All the planning in the world won’t account for the baby’s position, which can affect the duration and pain of birth. It's good to understand all the options and be informed. This way, if you're heading towards surgery and a c-section, you're empowered to make the necessary decisions, and can wrap your head around what's happening. It's the idea that birth only looks one way that can make all other options feel traumatic.
Both of the books above will inform you of the physiology of birth, including the fact that pushing usually averages an hour and a half. Media would have us think that we're looking at 2hrs of labour and 10 minutes of pushing, but that is NOT the case. Also, it's not intuitive to be pushing while on your back. You're essentially having a giant p**p, what position is going to enable you to get the most out of your pushes? Also, if you're experiencing any Pregnancy Anxiety, get friends to screen TV Shows and Movies for any pregnancy related losses. It's a common trope, and it's stressful.
HAVING A NEWBORN
When we brought my son home, I was EXHAUSTED. I read all sorts of babycare stuff, and it just fell out of my sleep deprived brain. I asked the midwife if I was doing enough, and she said 'Is he fed? Is he changed? That's it for now.' Luckily, she didn't ask if he was consistently dressed, because he was naked for the first week, swaddled in a diaper. Dressing a baby is cruel and unusual punishment when you're sleep deprived. Also, the Fourth Trimester is real. Babies HATE being out of the womb for those first three months, the temperature, diaper changes. It all sucks for them. I felt like we hit a real turning point at 3 months, and then another turning point at 6 months. Don't feel like you need to start parenthood knowing it all. Research on the fly, ask friends, call mom/dad (unless they keep asking if we've given them peblum yet. WTF is peblum).
POSTPARTUM MOMS
Everyone talks about Postpartum Depression, but not enough people talk about Postpartum Anxiety. Feeling socially anxious about people-ing because we spent the last few years in isolation? Tack on some sleep deprivation, and amplify it to 11. I really felt like the issue wasn't having a baby - It's having to operate on very little sleep. Call your parents, call a friend, get some formula to bridge the gap so that you can sleep. BOTH of you. It makes a world of difference. It's hard to be kind to yourself or your spouse at this level of sleep deprivation. My in-laws came to stay in-town (not with us - read the Lemon Clot Essay), and watch LO while we caught up on the sleep. It was a lifeline.
STUFF
Broken into 9 separate lists, with notes alongside, many of these items were found on marketplace or other secondhand shops. I found secondhand consignment shops were fanastic for getting sleepers and onesies. All of this stuff is easily found at walmart, or is two days away with Amazon prime, so don't feel like you have to have it all when the baby comes. I sent my mother-in-law to the store before I left the hospital to pick up items in the post-partum care section, because I didn't want to buy something I might not need, pending whether I delivered vaginally or via c-section. Also strollers, car-seats, and cribs all have safety ratings that expire. Didn't stop me from getting a second-hand ikea crib though. Probably would not get a second-hand car-seat, but that's speaking from a place of priviledge.
Newborn Necessities
Postpartum Care
Feeding Baby
Nursery and Clothes
Baby Gear
Baby Toys that Rowan Loved
Recommended Reading
Baby Proofing
TLDR:
- The Birth Partner is an amazing book. Holliday Tyson's Youtube videos were amazingly helpful for what to expect, and what the body does during birth, as well as the book Why Did No One Tell Me This. Birth is sort of like having a giant p**p.
- Newborns aren't complicated, and you're all set if you're feeding and changing them to start with.
- Sleep is the hottest commodity postpartum. Postpartum Anxiety is real and everything feels better with sleep. Call anyone to come over and let you get some sleep. Who doesn't want to hold a newborn? Get some formula and make it happen. You'll be kinder to yourself and a better parent.
- Most baby stuff can be found on marketplace, except a stroller or crib, since they expire for safety ratings.
BTW I've started watching Holliday's videos because of your suggestion and they are super helpful! So nice to have someone just walk through everything in detail so you know exactly what to expect. I'm still planning on doing a prenatal class after I pass the 20 week milestone but this is awesome to help me just wrap my head around everything ahead of time. Thank you for all the tips!