I've hit my glass ceiling..

[kakashi007]

I'm a 33 year old single mom working in corporate America. I've always been a hard worker & recognized as such. At my last job, my director told me "I've never seen someone come in and make such a financial impact as you did in such a short time (around 9 months after I started)." He directly attributed 25 million on our P&L to me. Then at my job now I was nominated for their highest recognition award only 7 months in.

And then I had a complete nervous system breakdown when I realized I'd reached my glass ceiling.

I'm African American and there's many barriers there that still need to be addressed. I've experienced directly many micro aggressions and flat out racist things. I've walked by my leaders and would say hi & they literally walked right by me as if they don't see me. I've been told to work harder even while doing more output than my white counterparts. My company is headquartered in a city that is 50% African American, yet none of my 42 leaders are African American.
My body is also shaped in a way that doesn't fit well in suits, and any level above me has to wear suits.

Then I'm limited as a single mom. I'm already at my max working 40-50 hours a week. I've worked well over that time as well. It leaves me severely exhausted after traveling and no time to be more than a militant robot when I get home to get everything done before bedtime. On the weekends I was exhausted and drank/slept my life away.

My breakdown led me to realize I can't give anymore to my career and have to give up climbing the corporate ladder. In a way it's one of the best things to happen to me. Now I get to focus on what truly matters to me. I've stopped drinking and have started to build my relationship back up with my daughter. I've stopped selling my soul to climbing an impossible ladder, and started reclaiming what makes me happy.

I could be a great contributor at higher levels, but the system/structure isn't set up for someone like me. Their loss.

 

[stejay]

@kakashi007 For me, my career is a marathon, not a sprint. I have leaned in hard, gotten promotions, awards, etc. But I have also leaned out and decelerated at points, too. It's OK to have different time periods of peaks and valleys across the span of decades. Maybe decelerate for a bit, and take some time for yourself and your child. The system may not be made for you today, but it may be better tomorrow. The only way to do that is to step into the light and shine. It doesn't have to be in a way that others have done it; just in your own way, in your own time, at your own pace.

 

[kakashi007]

@stejay Oh this comment made me feel...idk...heard...seen...hopeful. I hadn't even considered that. I've always been go, go, go until my breakdown landed me in the hospital and literally was forced to slow down. I think it's time I lean into the slowness and make peace with it. I can also come back, be positive & be the change that I am looking for. I don't have to climb the corporate ladder to shine my light.

 

[stejay]

@kakashi007 I wish I could give you a hug. Microaggressions, macroaggressions, and inter-generational trauma are real. They leave invisible scars and C-PTSD. That need to prove doesn't only come from internal fire but from unfortunate external ones as well. Let yourself rest and recharge. Then be visible, lead, and without knowing it, you will be an example for our kids. No one can give at 200% all the time. If you pace yourself, you will get there. We are human beings, not human doings. It's OK to sometimes just be.

 

[brandon908]

@stejay 1 million percent to this. I’m not a single mom, but have a spouse that struggles with severe ADHD and mental health and a kiddo that needs extra support at school
And with medical specialists. I feel like the only adult in our household. My career ebbs and flows and I get it’s not a sprint. Could I be way further in my career without my personal headwinds? Of course! But I take my family and the struggles in stride. It’s anything but easy.

Hats of to you momma doing it on your own .

 

[keifer23]

@kakashi007 African American working mom here! I understand what it feels like to be overlooked by coworkers and superiors. I started asking probing, clarifying questions when I felt microaggresions, and put more emphasis on supporting fellow POC on the job. Last year, I even dealt with losing out a job that I was a top candidate for to a white woman who had never done the work being asked of her. You should have seen my face with said white woman reached out to me this year with "help" knowing I was a finalist for the same position you got over me.

Long story short, this last maternity leave, I started putting feelers out for another job. An old colleague remembered me and suggested I apply for an opening and, lo and behold, I got it. I haven't started the new job yet but what I've heard from others is that you're appreciated better and seen more.

TLDR: Might be time to consider something else. I did after being overlooked for a position I was well-qualified for. I'm not saying to look for another job but you may be surprised the strides and ways other companies/ businesses support you. Even consider remote positions. My sister is making more than she's ever made working remotely with a very diverse group of colleagues that can all authentically be themselves (her words) and she loves it.

 

[eedj]

@keifer23 Another vote for remote work- seriously consider looking for a remote job. It buys you about ten hours per week in commuting and getting ready and what not. You can wear a nice top/blazer for meetings if needed, but you can skip the full suit. I haven’t had much experience facing racial microaggressions myself (biracial and I look nearly white) but I know they are very real- and I’ve heard they are somewhat lessened with remote work. At least you don’t have to deal with getting ignored in the hallway and other in-office crap. Remote work is truly the best thing that has ever happened to my career. Parenting still isn’t easy but it has to be at least 100 times easier this way. Good luck, OP. I’m impressed by your story and I believe you still have a very successful career ahead of you, even with easing up and coasting for awhile.

 

[pheadablessed]

@kakashi007 I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this, it sounds like there is a good percentage of racist jerks where you work

Can you be content to professionally 'coast' for a while? I have a one year old and at the moment I'm just trying to do my job, not do terribly much 'above and beyond', clock off at 5.00pm and not clock on again until the next morning (both physically and mentally).

Great to hear you have stopped drinking as well. I'm eight years sober myself and can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to try and parent while drunk or hungover.

Best of luck for the future, you deserve to be in a workplace that values you as both an employee and a human being.

 

[kakashi007]

@pheadablessed Thank you for this comment. Coasting is such a foreign concept to me, but I think it's what I need to do for my mental health, my daughter & honestly my sanity.

It's a little sad because I know my potential but also realize I'm one person and that continuing to push my career will mean sacrifices in areas I can't afford. I wanted to have it all but it's just not possible.

And honestly I think I'll realize this is much better for myself, my soul, my well-being & my daughter.

 

[joint_praise]

@kakashi007 It sounds like you need to shop your skills out. Update your resume and make sure you include those P&L metrics and awards. Use tangible numbers. Quantify everything. Someone running a company or department cares about the bottom line and your skill set is valuable to them. Brag about all of this and see what you can earn in an environment that will look past your physical traits.

Once you have offers, evaluate the money, the role, your career goals, but also your personal life. Will it take away from time with kiddo? Will it stress you out to the point of wanting to drink again? Make the decision for yourself once you’ve found the opportunities that would let you advance. Maybe you turn them down and coast or maybe you land on a better track and love it. I try to operate always opening as many doors as possible so my options aren’t reduced. Then I can make decisions from a place of power and control and figure out what I want for myself.

 

[kingdomkings]

@kakashi007 This was really brave of you to post. Thank you for sharing, and I’m sorry about the systemic barriers that still plague women of colour.

 

[ross3286]

@kakashi007 I didn't have my two girls until my late 30's/early 40's because I was building my career. I felt like I had plateaued by that point, at least at that company, but they kept giving me more responsibilities and more pay without a title change, so I just rolled with it and had a kid. Then a few years later we got acquired by the company we were a reseller for and I had another kid, but at least with better benefits, like paid maternity leave and better insurance. Since then, I still give it all I've got most days, and I'm always willing to go above and beyond in a crisis, but my family comes first.

I have an autistic 8yo daughter, and both her and her 12yo sister have ADHD. My husband is bipolar with a congenital heart problem, and the 8yo was found to have a different one last summer. They are all patched up now, but when I found our that both would be having surgeries last summer, I had a heart to heart with my boss and he was 100% behind me in taking the time off I needed. And when that time was up, I was right back at it. Recently we talked about what my next steps are in my career. He's moving me back to team lead. Basically, I wouldn't make anymore money in management and I have no want to sit in pointless meetings all day nor do I like to have to be the one to tell people they have been let go, so it works for me right now. When my daughters get older I may change my mind. I may even change my career since I've been in tech for so long, but I give 110% when it's needed and I give my best efforts everyday and that's better than a lot of people just coasting along.

You're 33, you have so much time left in your career. I have seen a lot of women in my company do well and move slowly into other positions or up the ladder when they children were younger, only to hit middle age with older kids and just move up like never before. Some went back to school for master's degrees, others had them but finally had the time to really push to take on the extra work at that time in their lives. Or people above them that supported them. I'm 50 now, and I have at least twenty years left working, so you at 33 are nowhere near done yet. You have so much time left to make your mark. And maybe it's not in the company or career you are in, only time will tell. Right now though, be there for your family. Be your best physically and mentally. Kids really do grow up too damn quick, though we all feel like the baby/toddler years are never going to end, once you're out of that it's like blink and you missed it.

 

[omoregie]

@kakashi007 I felt the same, African American mom. Working harder than my counterparts, but kept getting overlooked. It got to a point where I decided to start planning and working for myself in the same field. I completely understand how you feel but don’t give up! Start making plan b’s and c’s and see where that takes you!

 

[lilpeoplez]

@kakashi007 I’m not a POC or a single mom so I can’t even imagine the extra weight that you carry when trying to navigate and be seen in your career. So many people have given great advice already but I know for me, half the battle is mental and overcoming the feeling like you gave up or could have done something different. Lots of therapy dollars have helped me reframe obstacles and hopefully you can benefit here too.

Apologies in advance for formatting. If you see all caps think italics instead of me yelling.

You haven’t hit your glass ceiling, you’ve hit your glass ceiling… AT THIS JOB. Or even AT THIS JOB AT THIS TIME.

You aren’t leaning out, you are leaning out AT THIS TIME IN THIS JOB.

Basically you are wonderful and have the data and compliments to show for it, but this job doesn’t value you because this company has problems. It’s not your job to smash yourself to pieces against this steel ceiling thinking if you just try harder everything will change. Just like an abusive partner is a them thing and not a you thing, you can’t change that company even with 120 hours of work each week. So eff them like the bad abusive partner they are and go somewhere else where you are appreciated. Don’t waste your mental energy on making them more money. Keep your job and find the next one with your energy spent there. Or mentally give yourself a break before job hunting, but stop thinking it’s something about you when it’s them. And stop over achieving for them. They don’t deserve it.

 

[snowballsfriend]

@kakashi007 Is there a way you could monetize your experience and start your own business? I imagine your ability to save your current company money could be repeated to other businesses and who doesn’t love saving money! Screw them and their glass ceiling, build the business and life you want!

 

[chashathaway]

@kakashi007 Everyone at the top of companies that I’ve worked at all have MBAs so that’s what I’m obtaining now in hopes that I can continue to climb and when faced with competition I can have the same credentials if not more