Postpartum with number two has hit different

[eakin]

@brojoe67 I feel this also. I have "only" 1 child (5y) and still feel tired.
Expectations but the silence of them is so much harder to bear with- I mean they are all so understandable but when you seek some kind of pause in some aspect, this very big understanding just vanishes.
I dont have any support from family (we live in another city 300 km away). Both working in big corporations. Luckily remote but this is catch22- they all expect that you multitask all the time (child is sick oh you wfh, you can work still!!).
I really miss my "non adult" life sometimes, today I just have a huge list of tasks, I have to have energy for all of them with a smile and optimism, I have to look good, I have to be good at my job, I have to be supportive, patient and giving parent but sometimes.. its just a task to be done. I hate this feeling.
I think I am tired inside, not phisically. Dont have any wish for any big thing (travelling or something out of comfort routine!), because men... all work is waiting there and you dont get the time to just pause yourself.
Annoying.
Didnt expect that this is gonna be so hard for me.

 

[phamhuy223]

@brojoe67 Wow you've said all what I've been feeling. I have two young ones and the youngest around the age of your youngest. With the first one I was longing for my old life back and hit a rock bottom. My parents, not understanding postpartum depression, was not helpful and were actually critical of my parenting. That didn't help since I relied them on childcare while I was going through that. My husband worked a lot as well. With the second one, I'm just more mad than depressed as well. Just mad at everything and everyone and wish that US was more accommodating to mothers. I guess now we are out of this covid-era, it doesn't help that inflation is super high and even if I wanted to do something I have to think thrice about it. It sucks and I wish we had more help (practical that is) without feeling like we have to return that favor.

 

[admissioninfo]

@brojoe67 Couldn’t have said this better myself. I’m feeling all of this in an overwhelming way today as I prepare to head back to work in a few days after having # 2 15 months ago. Also going back to a job that doesn’t excite me. Mad at the lack of support from family. Lack of resources in the community. Spent majority of my mat leave chasing answers from the medical community for some postpartum issues I was having. I still remember the sinking feeling that I’d never get back to any version of myself. Out of pocket expenses I didn’t even anticipate. Physiotherapy, ongoing mental health therapy and daycare expenses in addition to all the other expenses. I’m going back to work knowing that I won’t be saving much for now after covering for all those expenses. But I am not willing to quit therapy and allow my mental health to decline again.

I am also holding a lot of resentment towards grandparents who were supposed to be present but always have a petty excuse for not helping. Them expecting me to drive to THEM so they can see the kids. I’ve only ever asked for help when I’ve been completely down in the dumps. But it didn’t/doesn’t come. Having to build a support system through neighbours and contingency plans to help with kids in case of emergency because family is rarely an option. Postpartum with baby # 2 taught me a lot of tough lessons and I realized that I have to get to my absolute toughest mentally and physically to save myself from drowning. Impossible thing to do when society is set up to fail mothers.

 

[g114833]

@brojoe67 My heart goes out to you. I’ve been there. My first pregnancy was an absolute nightmare the whole time and ended with my daughter born 7 weeks premature and a month in the NICU. I had postpartum anxiety so bad when I brought her home that I pulled the shades and cut out the lights and locked the doors, overwhelmed with this frantic certainty that someone was coming to steal my baby from me, calling 911 when I saw a work van on my street and sobbing and begging for someone to verify that it was real and not someone coming to steal my baby. My husband took me immediately to a therapist who explained this was caused by the trauma of giving birth and having my baby taken away to the NICU an hour away while I had to remain in the hospital where I was for almost a week after. They gave me Zoloft and this got me through.

My second pregnancy was healthy and she was on time but I couldn’t stop crying. I was in such a state about six months in that I was nearly hospitalized involuntarily because I was going out of my mind obsessed that something was going to go wrong with this pregnancy. I ended up with gestational diabetes and I refused to follow the treatment plan, hysterically arguing that I didn’t care if this baby got too big, my first was four pounds when she came out, I wanted this one to get as big as possible. This also nearly led to involuntary commitment unless I agreed to follow treatment, which I quietly still refused to do. As such, I grew a 9 lb baby in a womb not designed to hold a baby more than 7 lbs and she got so big that I couldn’t have a natural birth because she would have gotten stuck coming out. This broke me yet again and I screamed and cried and didn’t want to have another C-section because being awake and knowing what was going to happen was too much. They finally had to put me under and before this, they asked if I wanted me tubes tied and I said no. They then went to my husband while I was under and asked if HE wanted my tubes tied. He said no, but that was so damn messed up… clearly, they don’t want the mentally Ill to reproduce.

Things were awful afterward. I couldn’t stop crying, I felt like I was in a living hell, I looked at my infant daughter as if I couldn’t see her, asking my husband numbly, why isn’t she pretty? Why is she ugly? She wasn’t ugly at all but I was just miserable. My best friend finally came in from Montana all the way across the country and took care of me because she was the only one for whatever reason that I wanted. She was the right blend of demanding and responsive, she put me to bed and cleaned the house and my husband willingly slept in another room while she slept with the baby and my two year old and her five year old son between us, pushing me each day to get up and take care of things while she took care of me.

Again, Zoloft and with the passing of time, I settled down and things returned to normal but it was horrifying to have my mind and emotions hijacked and to lose complete control over myself and who I was.

I send you love and light and hopes that one day at a time, you’ll get through this. You’re not alone.

 

[mablekath]

@brojoe67 I am so sorry. As a mom of three I can relate to many of your concerns. Your feelings are legitimate. You are allowed to feel them. You are allowed to not be yourself. Give yourself some grace and compassion. Feels like we often give ourselves so little. You are not alone. Take breaks. Get sleep. Get professional help if you need it.

 

[katrina2017]

@brojoe67 I feel all of this to my core and I wish I / you / others didn’t

 

[faith2017]

@brojoe67 You’re so mad. I hope things get better. This should be the best time of your life.

 

[wadebayo30]

@faith2017 The early motherhood days, especially with multiple kids and working parents, are definitely not what most would consider the “best time of their lives”. There are high points, sure, but it’s hard as hell.

 

[brojoe67]

@wadebayo30 This. The funny part to me is that I'm able to appreciate my kids so much more right now than same age with #1, but the rest of the landscape is just awful.

 

[rezene12]

@brojoe67 So accurate and so true

 

[shaebug]

@brojoe67 Totally agreed. It’s so frustrating and almost feels hopeless at times.

 

[annafullofgrace]

@brojoe67 My appointments for postpartum issues took months to schedule as well. Honestly weren't helpful. I ended up finding help online and then got my general practitioner to put me in pelvic floor therapy. US medical leaves soo much to be desired. They scold you for Web M.D., but these doctors don't give you 5 minutes.