bibletruths
New member
Hi i'm a ftp and very long time lurker but today my ex flipped the evil switch in me and instead of unleashing my inner she devil on him i decided you all could laugh, get angry or sympathies with me or at me instead.
Bit of back story: My ex and i share a boy aged five, we have been separated for three years and have been co parenting fairly effectively. We are not friends and do not like each other at all but up until today our child thought we were the best of friends. We have no official orders or schedules but have an agreement as to who has small child when. Its flexible but generally doesn't change. My ex is a narcissist, i used to think he was just a mamas boy but after doing a bit of research and speaking with my psychologist i have come to realize i am dealing with a narc. I generally fold to stop him sooking and give in every time because i don't want to upset him or hurt his feelings, meanwhile he gives zero consideration for my feeling or my wants and needs. I also go above and beyond to make sure he gets to see his child as much as possible whenever he wants.....until today that is.
So last Friday i told ex to buy son school shoes as he had grown out of his cue the " I'm sure they are the right size" and "he shouldn't have grown out of his last ones yet" i respond with a very exasperated face well he has and im very busy this weekend and wont get to the shop. He says nothing so i leave, well Monday morning comes and he hasn't bought the shoes. I'm pissed but hey what can you do, I duck to the shops as soon as they open and buy our child school shoes. By now I'm starting to really get cranky with the amount of physical and emotional labor i do while he chills knowing that either me or his mummy will do his bidding.
Fast forward to today and i have been thinking about how i am always treated by him and am fed up with being manipulated and having my kindness taken for granted so Ex arrives to pick up child and i say to him can i have my weekend this weekend please(he gets Wednesday nights so i get a weekend every month and then the hours work out exactly even, just like he wanted them) and he goes well i'm having him Thursday night then. To this i reply with "no" just no a simple two letter word, well ladies and gentleman i have never seen a 30 year old male throw a 6 year olds temper tantrum but i can assure you it took a lot to contain my absolute laughter at how ridiculous he looked. I was honestly waiting for him to throw his shoes on the floor and start kicking the back of the car seat. Then he released the rage and the nasty with our five year old in the back seat he came right out and called me a c+#t to which i chastised him just like you would a six year old i will quote this for you as i said it just like i was speaking to a child, a firm but a fair warning "that is not a kind word and we don't use it, especially in front of our child" To which he replied "well your being an asshole." He then started to rant and rave about how hes taking me to court and how its not fair he wont see child for a whole week, again i have to be the adult so i tell him this isn't a conversation to have in front of child.
That's when he flipped the switch in me. He says to the child do u want to see me next Wednesday or Thursday tomorrow? child replies with Wednesday (i will add here my mother is coming from out of town Thursday night and we have organized a camp out at my dads for Saturday so he wants to see his gparents he doesn't see often and is excited about it.) Ill admit i smiled right up until ex started to manipulate small child in to saying what he wanted him to say by asking him stuff like "so you don't want to see daddy then, well you wont get to come over till next week". I'm not sure but that felt manipulative to me, so again i tell ex this is not a conversation to be had in front of child. I hug, kiss and apologize to small child that we were having an argument with him there and tell him love you baby see you in the morning to which ex says yeah and i will be picking him up in the afternoon. I just closed the car door and waved to my boy.
I went inside to have a think and i realized that for the first time in ten years i have just told him no and didn't fold when he got angry or sulky not only that but i don't care that i made him mad and i feel like im not such a door mat anymore and its cool if thinks the courts are going to give him a better deal then i have, lets go at least maybe ill get some child support.
I do realize i'm being a little bitchy and i don't care, he will learn to give back or suffer, i wont keep his child from him but i will not let him have him on my days or drop him at his work so he doesn't have to drive out to my house to pick child up anymore, either way im about to stand up for myself and be more conscious of my needs as a parent instead of putting his first. When he gives back or shows some consideration ill consider going easy on him again, in the meantime i just gave a time out (i will not do for you anymore) to a 30 year old man. so that's basically my life right now. i'm sure i could let you know so many bullpoo things he has done and said but he's a moron and im pretty sure most of you have already met one of them. Anyway thanks for allowing me to unload and id love to hear other peoples opinions on how they think i dealt with this and how i probably should.
Bit of back story: My ex and i share a boy aged five, we have been separated for three years and have been co parenting fairly effectively. We are not friends and do not like each other at all but up until today our child thought we were the best of friends. We have no official orders or schedules but have an agreement as to who has small child when. Its flexible but generally doesn't change. My ex is a narcissist, i used to think he was just a mamas boy but after doing a bit of research and speaking with my psychologist i have come to realize i am dealing with a narc. I generally fold to stop him sooking and give in every time because i don't want to upset him or hurt his feelings, meanwhile he gives zero consideration for my feeling or my wants and needs. I also go above and beyond to make sure he gets to see his child as much as possible whenever he wants.....until today that is.
So last Friday i told ex to buy son school shoes as he had grown out of his cue the " I'm sure they are the right size" and "he shouldn't have grown out of his last ones yet" i respond with a very exasperated face well he has and im very busy this weekend and wont get to the shop. He says nothing so i leave, well Monday morning comes and he hasn't bought the shoes. I'm pissed but hey what can you do, I duck to the shops as soon as they open and buy our child school shoes. By now I'm starting to really get cranky with the amount of physical and emotional labor i do while he chills knowing that either me or his mummy will do his bidding.
Fast forward to today and i have been thinking about how i am always treated by him and am fed up with being manipulated and having my kindness taken for granted so Ex arrives to pick up child and i say to him can i have my weekend this weekend please(he gets Wednesday nights so i get a weekend every month and then the hours work out exactly even, just like he wanted them) and he goes well i'm having him Thursday night then. To this i reply with "no" just no a simple two letter word, well ladies and gentleman i have never seen a 30 year old male throw a 6 year olds temper tantrum but i can assure you it took a lot to contain my absolute laughter at how ridiculous he looked. I was honestly waiting for him to throw his shoes on the floor and start kicking the back of the car seat. Then he released the rage and the nasty with our five year old in the back seat he came right out and called me a c+#t to which i chastised him just like you would a six year old i will quote this for you as i said it just like i was speaking to a child, a firm but a fair warning "that is not a kind word and we don't use it, especially in front of our child" To which he replied "well your being an asshole." He then started to rant and rave about how hes taking me to court and how its not fair he wont see child for a whole week, again i have to be the adult so i tell him this isn't a conversation to have in front of child.
That's when he flipped the switch in me. He says to the child do u want to see me next Wednesday or Thursday tomorrow? child replies with Wednesday (i will add here my mother is coming from out of town Thursday night and we have organized a camp out at my dads for Saturday so he wants to see his gparents he doesn't see often and is excited about it.) Ill admit i smiled right up until ex started to manipulate small child in to saying what he wanted him to say by asking him stuff like "so you don't want to see daddy then, well you wont get to come over till next week". I'm not sure but that felt manipulative to me, so again i tell ex this is not a conversation to be had in front of child. I hug, kiss and apologize to small child that we were having an argument with him there and tell him love you baby see you in the morning to which ex says yeah and i will be picking him up in the afternoon. I just closed the car door and waved to my boy.
I went inside to have a think and i realized that for the first time in ten years i have just told him no and didn't fold when he got angry or sulky not only that but i don't care that i made him mad and i feel like im not such a door mat anymore and its cool if thinks the courts are going to give him a better deal then i have, lets go at least maybe ill get some child support.
I do realize i'm being a little bitchy and i don't care, he will learn to give back or suffer, i wont keep his child from him but i will not let him have him on my days or drop him at his work so he doesn't have to drive out to my house to pick child up anymore, either way im about to stand up for myself and be more conscious of my needs as a parent instead of putting his first. When he gives back or shows some consideration ill consider going easy on him again, in the meantime i just gave a time out (i will not do for you anymore) to a 30 year old man. so that's basically my life right now. i'm sure i could let you know so many bullpoo things he has done and said but he's a moron and im pretty sure most of you have already met one of them. Anyway thanks for allowing me to unload and id love to hear other peoples opinions on how they think i dealt with this and how i probably should.