It all came crashing down Tuesday

@pensonfam I love you brother, I am so sorry. You will come out of this, I promise.

Would also really encourage both you and your partner to go to therapy. There is no pain in the world like this, and it can really help you navigate it and give you a neutral party to talk to honestly.
 
@pensonfam I honestly thought this was gonna be my story at one point during our birthing process. But ours ends in a happy ending. I’ll share here and if you don’t wanna read it then by all means that’s fine. I just wanted to share in hopes that it helps.

My wife was pushing for a straight 30 hours and nothing was happening and the baby was facing posterior and the doctors couldn’t rotate him. They decided to let us rest and put the “big peanut” between her legs and let her try to sleep for a few hours. This was at 2am. At 4:30 am a bunch of doctors and nurses bust in the room, the machine monitoring the baby is going crazy. They are just yelling “flip her now!!” And I wake up from the couch to help flip my wife and I see his heart beat. It was at 180 steady the whole time and now it’s at 100 and dropping by 5s every second till it got down to 70 and then it dropped a little slower at a rate of about 2 beats a seconds when it got to 62 after the fourth flip it started to go up again by 10s till it got back to 170-180 and the doctors called for an emergency C section immediately. It was peak Covid times so they were like “dad you can’t come with we will let you know when it’s over how it went.” About 3 hours later I got my wife in our room and another 2 hours later we got our son. He was having problems breathing and they put him in a pressure chamber thing to help him. He stabilized and today he’s a little over 2 years old.

Everyone will say they are sorry but they know everyone is telling you that. It’s just part of what will help them heal as well since they were ready for this for you too. There’s plenty of good groups for this sort of happening as it’s not common but there are others that can truly share your pain. Be numb, be hurt, cry, do what you have to do for now as it’s perfectly fine to be hurt bad by this. Nobody would be okay in your shoes so allow yourself to hurt and heal. It’s something that only time can help with.
 
@pensonfam The year my oldest was born was the same year I lost my brother( 14 months older) to Suicide (USMC) and lost my father.

People say it gets easier, it doesn’t you just learn to live with it.

That being said, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your wife did nothing wrong.

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

I hope all the tests come back negative and you try again.
 
@pensonfam I cannot imagine the grief you're feeling right now. One day at a time, it's all you can do. You might not ever get over it, but it will get better one day at a time.
 
@pensonfam As someone who also didn't get to bring his first on home (different circumstances) my heart breaks for you. Nothing I can say will make it better cause it won't be better. It's 5 months away from what would have been his 4th birthday and I still tear up at random times thinking about him. Be there for each other, you will need each other. There will be What ifs and self blame. Those things will eventually pass if you help each other through it. Seek support that works for you. Not every type of support works for everyone. Find what works for you both.
 
@pensonfam I lost one of my twins this time last year on the day they were born and I will say while the hurt never goes away that “lump” in your throat will…eventually and then you’ll read a post like this a year later and it’ll show up again. I’m going to say the cliche “I’m so sorry” because I truly am. No one should ever have to go through this. Please to you and your wife, take it easy on yourselves in these next couple weeks, they will be the most trying you have ever experienced. Sending all the positivity to you and your wife❤️
 
@pensonfam My heart breaks for you stranger. I can't imagine the pain you and your wife are in. I want to give you this passage from the last page of The Count of Monte Cristo. It helped me through some of the darkest times in my life and I hope it can give you at least one moment of peace.

As for you, Morrel, this is the secret of my conduct towards you. There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of living.

“Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget that until the day when God shall deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is summed up in these two words,—’Wait and hope.’ Your friend,

“Edmond Dantes, Count of Monte Cristo.”
Click to expand...
 
@pensonfam Hey OP. I've been through this same thing. it's the worst and I'm sorry. Look up rainbow baby. My twin boys turned into one beautiful girl. It's hard as fuck but worth it. My heart extends to you
 
@pensonfam I don’t have words. Cried a bit. Guess I’m only commenting to add to the number so you see how many of us wish there was something we could say or do that would help in some way.
 
@pensonfam I am so so sorry your sweet boy is gone. We lost our son at 38 weeks after a textbook pregnancy as well. He should be turning 4 this month.

This is the hardest thing you will ever go through, and no one will ever understand exactly how you feel except your wife. Fellow loss parents will be a close second in understanding. Find those people. We’re a shitty club to be a part of, but I’ve met some of the most amazing people through this heartbreak.

It will never really get easier, but you will get better at carrying and living with the grief. Do whatever you both need to do to get through each day whether that is minute by minute or hour by hour, or breath by breath.

I second everyone mentioning support groups and therapy. Mostly, since a lot of people will ask about mom, make sure you are tending your grief as well. Dads grieve too, and it can be really hard for you all.

My DMs are open if you ever need anything. Sending love to you, your wife, and sweet Sonny. 💔
 
@pensonfam Dude I just wanna wrap my arms around you and hug the fucking crap out of you till it physically hurts. Life is cruel as shit, And this all just fucking sucks.
 
@pensonfam My first son had renal failure in the womb, delivered stillborn at 36 weeks. I was 22 years old at the time and had no idea how to handle anything at the time, luckily parents and in laws were there for us.

It does get easier, still hurts 12 years later but not as bad.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

L
Week away at a conference, came home to feel like things were better w/o me here - venting
Replies
9
Views
132
christianmedic
C
J
condom broke and he came inside me, and i took a plan B an hour after. Next day the tip of the condom came out of me... what do i do?
Replies
19
Views
160
minodora
M
J
B12 came out high 848 pmol/L
Replies
14
Views
139
katrina2017
K
R
My 8 y/o daughter came out as bi but she doesn’t understand what the means and I need advice
2 3 4
Replies
69
Views
758
laniah
L
P
He came inside the condom and period late
Replies
19
Views
175
kwame1
K
Back
Top