@terryhueffed Child abuse Statistics say that you are wrong.
Is my ex being reasonable with her demands of meeting anyone I’d have around our kids before they’d meet them?
- Thread starter athena1312138
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terryhueffed
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heavensvoice
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@athena1312138 No. Absolute not.
If you want to be extra accommodating have a BBQ, invite your friends, invite your ex. That way she can meet them without it being weird. I have a feeling though she will not like your friends and it will just cause you more problems.
As far as your girlfriend goes, it’s way too early to even be thinking about this. Firstly, your youngest is only 1 so you haven’t even been split that long, are you even divorced yet officially? Give your kids at least a year of getting used to two houses before you add in another adult. You and your girlfriend should be serious and having talks about the future before even thinking about interjecting her into their lives. At least 6 months of officially dating is seen as the standard minimum.
That doesn’t mean you need to introduce them at that point. It’s a nice thing to do, and if you want the same respect shown to you one day, then just treat her as you would want to be treated.
If you want to be extra accommodating have a BBQ, invite your friends, invite your ex. That way she can meet them without it being weird. I have a feeling though she will not like your friends and it will just cause you more problems.
As far as your girlfriend goes, it’s way too early to even be thinking about this. Firstly, your youngest is only 1 so you haven’t even been split that long, are you even divorced yet officially? Give your kids at least a year of getting used to two houses before you add in another adult. You and your girlfriend should be serious and having talks about the future before even thinking about interjecting her into their lives. At least 6 months of officially dating is seen as the standard minimum.
That doesn’t mean you need to introduce them at that point. It’s a nice thing to do, and if you want the same respect shown to you one day, then just treat her as you would want to be treated.
followthestar
New member
@athena1312138 So she is being unreasonable. It comes from a good place of concern for her kids. But it is unreasonable.
My suggestion is to grey rock all if her insults and drama. And just start living your life. It’s insulting to you as their dad that you can’t make a safe choice for your kids. If she tries down the track to have any of these conditions implemented in the parenting order they must be the same for her and you.
My suggestion is to grey rock all if her insults and drama. And just start living your life. It’s insulting to you as their dad that you can’t make a safe choice for your kids. If she tries down the track to have any of these conditions implemented in the parenting order they must be the same for her and you.
walkingoneggshells
New member
@athena1312138 As a mom, I don’t require my ex to introduce me to everyone he has around my kids. That would be ridiculous. I did want to meet everyone that would be living with my children.
Wrong or right, I would want him to meet someone I was living with.
Yeah, she’s being unreasonable.
INFO, does she introduce you to everyone?
Wrong or right, I would want him to meet someone I was living with.
Yeah, she’s being unreasonable.
INFO, does she introduce you to everyone?
nguyencuong9102
New member
@athena1312138 I understand her feelings, especially with such young children. It is super scary to let them go. But, no, they are not reasonable. No, she cannot enforce this stuff.
Your best bet is to simply not discuss your plans with her.
Your best bet is to simply not discuss your plans with her.
@nguyencuong9102 This is horrible advise and the exactly situation that pedophiles look for. 
people on this sub DGAF about children.
people on this sub DGAF about children.katrina2017
New member
@katrina2017 Mom / Dad is irrelevant, and competent parents does not lower the statistics for abused children. However, having both parents involved does lower the chances, and by a lot.
katrina2017
New member
@dhkkim I never said anything about this scenario, we are specifically talking about partners and or adults that will have the opportunity to be alone with my child. If you are comfortable allowing (your young child or toddler) around strangers, that’s your decision based on your life experience, however that is a comfort level that I am just not capable of, especially knowing the statistics and most common abuse scenarios, and hearing first hand from abused children. I also understand that not every parent feels this way and I respect that.
@adrianuk OP never said his friends would be alone with his kids. He did specifically mention not even being able to invite friends that have kids to his child's birthday because his ex hadn't met them. Which is ridiculous. Of course I wouldn't leave my kid to hang out with a stranger, it sounds like OP wouldn't either. He's talking about people he already knows and trusts.
nguyencuong9102
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katrina2017
New member
@athena1312138 As someone who is now counselling a child who was abused by his parent’s new partner, I can understand her concerns. She appears to not trust your judgement in having safe people around or keeping the kids safe. Is there something you’ve done that might have fed into this? Is there more you can do to reassure her ?
Your question was about what is reasonable, which is an ethical question that goes beyond the law. Without knowing your history or background it’s impossible for anyone here to answer - they are just projecting their own experience. It is reasonable for both parents to want to keep their children safe - and a bare minimum requirement of parenting.
Your question was about what is reasonable, which is an ethical question that goes beyond the law. Without knowing your history or background it’s impossible for anyone here to answer - they are just projecting their own experience. It is reasonable for both parents to want to keep their children safe - and a bare minimum requirement of parenting.
@katrina2017 This should be the top comment, working with abused children really changes your perspective on things, we have to put animosity aside and keep our children safe.
@athena1312138 What happens during your time is your business and what happens during her time is her business. This translates across to partners too. Courts aren't going to care unless there's proof the children are in danger. She can't enforce it. She can try and put it in a co parenting agreement but doubt a judge would sign it off.
talkingbunny
New member
@athena1312138 I would wait until 6 months to introduce if possible but of course you are entitled to a life and to move on. She has absolutely no right to have this request granted. She either trusts you to look after the children or she doesn’t.
trutherator
New member
@athena1312138 Your custody, your time with your kids, use it responsibly with respectable people and you won’t run into trouble, nor have to answer to her.
@athena1312138 I would say coming from a mom who had similar feelings my ex and I agreed that we could introduce a partner in our lives to our kid after meeting them , just so we can put a face to who our kid would be around. And we waited at least 6 months for a relationship to be serious. Mostly because we can get over heartbreak and move on but our kids have a harder time. They could build a bond with this person you bring into their life so if it doesn’t work out you’re kids get hurt more than you.