Is it worth moving back in with parents/sons grandparents

[thpikid]

So I currently have shared custody with my son, 50/50.

I pay 470/mo in lot rent and 350/ChildSup. I own a manufactured home (built 70's)

I'm reconsidering moving back in with my parents for:

1.My land rent is going up, my mobile home needs major electrical work (cost about 5k-10k) and new A/C unit (5k up). Fire concerns scare me. and home is unbearable for me and my son in extreme summer or extreme winter temp that sometimes we stay overnight at my parents. I have someone lined up who wants to pay me 11k for my mobile home. I paid 6K. I've lived here with my son for 5 years.

2.I'm also considering quitting my full time job at a call center due to new management change, they been firing people from left to right. Moved me to a miserable position with same pay, and works been honestly depressing, been working here for about 5 years and since new management its been a miserable year. I don't want anxiety/depression show to my son. which I am ultimately thinking quitting my full-time job and keep my part time job (which pays 30 cents less but I enjoy the work way more) . My counselor stated this job is the reason for my high anxiety and worries. And I'm also worried they will decide to fire me for a mess up.

Now here are the Pros of moving back:

-No more high stress and feeling tired all the time

-Can save some money, not paying 470/mo, instead paying 100/mo to my parents
Family support

-Can focus on finding a new career/full time job or attempt to get a full time job at part time company.

-I would have more time with my son, not having a full time job... How much I would love that.

Cons of moving with them:

-Consider how it may affect my son. He loves his grandparents but moving when school is near concerns me.

-Concerned how my ex would take it, even though she lives with her parents, I'm concerned she will try to change the parenting plan we have through the court.

-Telling people I live with my parents :0 I know there is a stigma for this

-Privacy? maybe i dont know. last time I lived with them it was not a problem. but that was when my child was 1 year old.

• Concerns I will get to comfortable and living there for a long time, I plan on still getting an apartment but I've not had luck finding anything affordable.

Neutral:

My son will have his own room either way

My son will still be in the same town/same school

I technically wouldn't be unemployed due to my part time job.

We would be staying in a part of the house with its own bathroom/2 rooms/kitchen.

​

I guess i'm posting here because I want realistic advice from people who have done this or want to see if anything can be recommended.... am I just day dreaming about being relived and stress free? I honestly want best for my son and I'm honestly scared of my future. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

 

[nihilistiostsoul]

@thpikid Sounds awesome to me!!!!

 

[jaymer56]

@nihilistiostsoul I agree. It seems like the right move

I think you should make the move before school starts so your son transitions smoothly. I don't think your ex could cause a stink about you living with your parents if your son has his own space and is well cared for.

 

[vmh]

@jaymer56 And this could be seen as positive in court so long as all the right conditions are there. If the kid has his own space and well provided for, a judge could see this as more support, a takes a village sort of thing. Judge saw the help from my family as a sign that my living conditions were more stable because I had people to fall back on.

 

[saint101]

@thpikid I don't see anything wrong with this plan. I would advise that as long as you're open with your parents / ex about your concerns, supportive of each other and on the same page, then living there could work out well for everyone. The hardest part will be sticking to your plan to not only save up, but maintaining your drive to create a better future for your son and you. Your self-awareness tells me that you're already moving forward and making progress. You should be very proud of yourself for that's not as easy to do as it sounds.

As for the stigma, sure we know it exist. But we're single parents and we don't have time to worry about others peoples judgement (BTW, most of these are in our own head and aren't even real). And even if they are real...fuck em, who cares? You're doing one of the hardest jobs in the world right now, planning ahead and setting goals. They can't get in the way of that...right??? Right!

Seeing a post like this still inspires me b/c it shows a necessary mindset we all have to face. I don't have great advice as to what you need to do and I'm sure whatever decision you make will be hard. But I have a feeling that you're gonna be okay and that your son's going to be proud you, OP....and if not, at least you have a random internet stranger who is.

 

[thpikid]

@saint101 Thank you so much for you insight! I think the hardest part is telling my ex of the change. But going further, I think the chance of saving will probably be best, especially if I plan on moving to an apartment.

And I love how you mentioned not to care what other think. Its honestly not a big deal as you are right, planning and setting goals will be more rewarding in the end.

Thank you for your support and I'll move forward on my plan list and figure things out so its not a messy situation.

Again thank you!

 

[juliano]

@thpikid As someone who is co-habitats with my parents (i pay the majority of the mortgage/bills, they’re in shit health and need extra help, it helps to have an extra few sets of eyes on my kiddo) I would suggest getting out from the unhealthy mobile home, and put that in savings, and go home for a bit. It seems like all things point to that given your job situation, ya know?

I can tell you that there is a stigma with it, but people who want to judge you for it aren’t great for you anyway. If it’s a year, and helps your financial and mental situation, than it’s a win, IMO. And if something crazy happens, and you’re there longer, then at least your not in a terrible situation.

 

[thpikid]

@juliano

ggest getting out from the unhealthy mobile home, and put that in savings, and go home for a bit. It seems like all things point to that given your job situation, ya know?

You bring up a ton of good points. I think ultimately in a long run if I didn't quit now I risk being fired. And wouldn't be eligible for unemployment so I think taking action now is better then waiting and stressing about things later. But you do mention that as well, thank you for your advice!

 

[dadad]

@thpikid This is an extremely hard question for anyone to advise you on as everyone’s parents are so different! Deep down, you have to know if living with your parents again would feel okay to you.

Living with parents seems to be fairly common on here, but for me personally there is no way in hell I would ever ever move back in with my parents! I am not trying to come off as judgmental, but my opinion on this is very strong but is only based on my life and situation.

Some say living with parents is proof of sacrificing for a child, and that may be very true!!! for me I have to sacrifice many things so I don’t have to live with my parents! I give up Sunday mornings for an extra part time job, I’m staying in a school district I wouldn’t choose to teach in because my kids go to school there. I live in a small conservative town, because the cost of living is extremely low and I can afford a house with a big yard for my kids. The minute they are raised in moving to a city! 45 month from now- my oldest is moving to college next week my youngest will start high school. My city days will come!

I’ve raised my two boys 100% alone for the last 12 years and I’m just not one to ask my parents for help. Never have. Just me. Luckily I had an established career before marriage/children. I have dreamed of a change in jobs, but I am responsible for my kids first. Not my dreams at this point.

Once you have been married, have been a parent, I don’t know how the heck you can handle moving back home, just honestly I can’t imagine. I’m independent and I like my privacy, plus I’m raising my kids and don’t want them honing in on all my decisions.

Think about it— they will watch everything you buy, everything you say to your kid. Every discipline decision, every food decision, everything will be another set of people’s opinions. If you ask their help babysitting too much they will judge that. If you don’t ask they will judge that.

The job you have is stressful I get it— but usually being a single parent with all the responsibilities is the stressful part! I think you’re dreaming to think all the stress will go away.

Again though, my opinion is based on my parents only, and yours may be completely different!!! Please don’t feel bad about what I say, just offered for another side of the story. You will do what feels best for you!

Would you go back to college if you moved home? Or how would your career change? That is an important part too.

 

[thpikid]

@dadad I 100% know what you mean, I honestly if I had the money or was able to find an affordable apartment I would love that more. I have been avoiding moving out and go to my parents because I love the luxury of privacy and dependence. Currently, its just I don't trust my job and I am concerned of being fired and then I'll end up homeless by not being able to pay rent.

I'm very glad you made it through all the struggle, you are strong
My parents have never judged me so I'm not too concerned on that , but I will certainly think of giving it some thought as idk if thinks will change.

I dont plan on going back to college, I would need to go to graduate school since I have a bachelors and the grads schools near me are not too fitting. But I do plan on a career change thats not in a call center. I plan on getting something in the school district, which I've applied to a few.

I am in awe of your honesty and I don't feel bad at all, thank you for your wonderful advice

 

[katrina2017]

@thpikid Another single dad living with his parents checking in. If you have a good relationship with them, then I'd say go for it. It's more responsible to save money when you can, your son can get to know his grandparents better, etc.

And yeah, some people will look down on you for it. Trying dating with the line "Want to go back to my parent's house? We have to be really quiet" when you're an adult and see how that goes. But if everyone gets along, the stress relief alone may add a few years to you life down the road.

 

[thpikid]

@katrina2017 Good to hear from your experience, luckily my son loves his grandparents. I was thinking that as well, I've stayed single the past 5 years and I guess it will stay that way. Eventually, if I can land a good job I plan on moving to a better place.

 

[curiousaboutworship]

@thpikid Sounds like a good move for you. As long as you can keep 50/50 and give your kiddo lots of love then it's all good.

 

[thpikid]

@curiousaboutworship Always! , thanks for your support!