Is it selfish to have kids with large age gaps, 10+ years?
allenkrookham
New member
@aog17 It isn't for everyone. I see a lot of negativity surrounding large age gaps between siblings. I'm the middle child, with my brother being 8 years older and my little sister 10 years younger than me. So when the youngest was born, my brother was 18 and I was 10. We all have had very different youths, because when my brother grew up my parents were very young and energetic but financially not stable, where my little sister got 2 older parents but financially and emotionally way more stable. My little sister did complain later on that she felt as if she had 2 sets of parents, so it was something to learn for my brother and me to be siblings instead of parenting our baby sister haha. We were in different phases of life, but now we got older we definitely have a lot in common and have an even better bond than before. (Funny is that my brother and my sister are so much alike in their personality and hobbies)
@allenkrookham I'm so glad it worked out that way! That's the same age gaps that we have, plus one more. I have seen a few people say their siblings acted like parents, too. I bet it's hard not to with such a big age difference, but definitely something to be aware of
@aog17 I went from mom of none to mom of 3 and pregnant at 20. My daughter is 10 now and I'll be 31 in February. My daughter's oldest brother is 24 I think. I want one more child, but I'm a newly single mama so I don't know if that will even be a possibility.
My mom's youngest brother is 18 years younger and since he was only 8 years older than me, we were very close growing up.
My opinion: Have the baby. ♡
My mom's youngest brother is 18 years younger and since he was only 8 years older than me, we were very close growing up.
My opinion: Have the baby. ♡
katrina2017
New member
houstonpatty
New member
@aog17 I'm one of 10 kids. My dad had 5 from a previous marriage, my mom had 2 from a previous marriage and they had 3 of us together. My oldest sister is 14 years older than me. My sister that is 10 years older than me is my best friend. In my opinion from a kid (now almost 40) it's only enhanced my life to have more siblings. I absolutely love all of my siblings.
@houstonpatty Thank you! I love this especially because you have siblings from previous marriages and still feel the same way. I hope my kids always feel that way!
My brother and I have 12 year age gap. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. blessed2dfullest
New member
@aog17 We have four: 25, 16, 7 & 8. Our oldest is from my husband’s previous marriage. The 16 year old was my first but severely disabled from a traumatic birth so I didn’t think I would ever try again. Once he was older and more stable, we decided to try again (I required infertility treatment to get pregnant so it meant I couldn’t casually decide, it took effort). When my daughter was 4 months old, my body decided infertility was over and we got my youngest daughter less than a year later. My only regret was waiting so long to try again because it was harder on my body than had I done it younger and I do feel like the “old mom” in the neighborhood (& my husband does too). I feel like the age gap between siblings was less of an issue for me than my own age. I am 45 now, which in many areas you do see lots of older parents, but around here everyone’s parents are in their 20s, early 30s. If you can provide all the love and care that everyone requires, it isn’t selfish to multiply that love, in my opinion.
@blessed2dfullest Thank you! Im so glad you decided to have more, I imagine your older 2 are thankful, too. And now your younger 2 have each other, lol. Also, I dont think you're an old mom at all! I've seen people here having their first baby at 45.
greaternda
New member
@aog17 I’m in a similar situation as OP, my husband (now 37M) had 2 kids when we got together and then we had one together when I was 23F (now 30). Some days I want more so bad but definitely worry about the age gap and just starting over in general. Childcare is so expensive, even more than when I had my last and although we are more ready it is still scary!
@greaternda It's so hard to decide! I think everyone helped me be confident age gaps won't matter, im still nervous about starting over, lol. I think it's worth it, but it's definitely scary!