@christopherpriestley My son will be 6.5 when his sister arrives in June and he is over the moon. I don’t think I’ll wait as long to have another after this, but the six year gap has allowed us a lot of grace.
Is having a second kid really worth all the trouble? It looks exponentially harder to go from 1 to 2 kids than zero to 1.
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@christopherpriestley You can come over to r/oneanddone
It’s a pretty kind sub and most people are understanding that it’s a difficult choice to go from one child to two (or more).
My husband and I are expecting our first the summer, but we’re not sure if we’ll have just one or not. OAD has been a really nice resource as people are generally much more kind and informative than other subs I’ve seen regarding children and parenting.
It’s a pretty kind sub and most people are understanding that it’s a difficult choice to go from one child to two (or more).
My husband and I are expecting our first the summer, but we’re not sure if we’ll have just one or not. OAD has been a really nice resource as people are generally much more kind and informative than other subs I’ve seen regarding children and parenting.
@christopherpriestley Seriously. My 6mo is a wonder baby, super healthy, barely cries, very calm, good sleeper. The biggest challenge we’ve had is navigating life on a little less sleep. And even then we think ‘how could we do this with a toddler running around screaming right now?’. Going from 0-1 was easy but 1-2 seems really difficult. Firmly and happily one and done!
plantedbywaters
New member
@christopherpriestley Going from 1 to 2 is dramatically easier than going from 0 to 1!
After 1 you've already done everything so have a general idea of what to expect, baby sleep habits etc. You're just adding another. It works really well if you have 2 active and invoked parents as one manages one, and the other parent the other. Divide and conquer
After 1 you've already done everything so have a general idea of what to expect, baby sleep habits etc. You're just adding another. It works really well if you have 2 active and invoked parents as one manages one, and the other parent the other. Divide and conquer
@christopherpriestley I struggled more going from 1-2 than 0-1, but wouldn’t trade it for the world. My boys are now 4 and 2 and although our house is constant insanity and lots of fighting, our boys love each other so much and I’ve quite enjoyed watching their bond grow. I’ve become so accustomed to the chaos that I decided to have a third, who is 1 month old. Going from 2-3 was such a breeze I’ve decided I want just one more eventually.
But I really can’t say it hasn’t been a lot of work going from 1-2. My husband and I have had to incorporate a lot of teamwork, and honestly, our marriage DID struggle. But last November we entered marriage counseling while I was pregnant with #3 and we are in an even better place than we were before having our first child. Are we tired? Absolutely. Are we stressed? Daily! But we would be just as stressed with one as we are with two or three. For us personally, the long-term outcome beats the short-term struggles of them being little.
But I really can’t say it hasn’t been a lot of work going from 1-2. My husband and I have had to incorporate a lot of teamwork, and honestly, our marriage DID struggle. But last November we entered marriage counseling while I was pregnant with #3 and we are in an even better place than we were before having our first child. Are we tired? Absolutely. Are we stressed? Daily! But we would be just as stressed with one as we are with two or three. For us personally, the long-term outcome beats the short-term struggles of them being little.
@christopherpriestley I guess my view isn’t common, but I really didn’t feel that going from 0 to 1 was that difficult. I was mentally prepared that life would change and it didn’t really rock my work like others are saying. I had my 2nd 14 months after my first and that was a MUCH bigger adjustment. I think 2 kids is significantly harder than 1, like exponentially so
@christopherpriestley I just had my second last week and it is SO worth it. It feels empowering to actually know how to handle a baby this time around rather than everything being new. And seeing the older child dote on her sister is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced.
It's probably just the hormones but I was always two and done and now I want three. Things are busier now but feel fuller.
It's probably just the hormones but I was always two and done and now I want three. Things are busier now but feel fuller.
sebsterdos
New member
@christopherpriestley Two is easy! I have six children after number 3 it really doesn’t get harder and everyone just adjusts! Love our family size but you have to do whats best for you and your family’s needs!
puddintain
New member
@christopherpriestley Your friend might just have a really hard kid. We just had the second and I feel like it's like 10-30% more work on any given day (and I'm a SAHP so I am deep in the trenches)
momof3teengirls
New member
@christopherpriestley It depends on your family plan...I am one of 4 kids so always wanted to have a big family. As we've gotten older my siblings and I are super close and when my parents are no longer with us it's comforting to still have them live on through my siblings. I have a 3 year old and 1 on the way...I think this may be it for us but it was important for us to give our daughter at least one sibling.
@christopherpriestley For me, 0-1 was a huge change, where 1-2 just increased that change. adding a second kid didn’t double my childcare load, it was more like a 50% increase.
Mine are two years apart, so I was already packing a diaper bag, I just had to include more diapers. I was already toting around a stroller, now it’s just a different one. And so on.
Mine are two years apart, so I was already packing a diaper bag, I just had to include more diapers. I was already toting around a stroller, now it’s just a different one. And so on.
@christopherpriestley It was a thousand times harder for me to go from 1-2 than 0-1. Like exponentially harder. But I had a rough postpartum with major anxiety so that contributed. Now I’m about to go from 2-3 and praying it’s not too bad haha.
rock_lives_4_god
New member
@christopherpriestley I'm expecting my second, and my thought currently is "nothing can be more difficult than what I already went through with #1" that may not be true, but that's my thought process lol
@christopherpriestley The second one is easier since you know everything, but having two is more than double the work.
@christopherpriestley Just more organizational needs and staying on top of it. You'll love both because they are part of you.
@christopherpriestley I feel like I could say the same for some of our friends who went from 0-1. We never saw them anymore, they had less money to do fun things, they seemed to bicker more, etc. Who would want a kid?! But we wanted a kid. And our relationship was just fine. And yes we have less money in theory, but not really. We have the same amount, we just spend it on our daughter (and soon-to-be #2). Be careful with using an N of 1 when trying to figure out what's right for your family. If you want 2 kids, do it. Will it be harder than 1 kid? Probably. A lot of things in life are hard at first, but they're so worth it if you do it for the right reasons. Good luck to you in your decision! 
@christopherpriestley I feel worried about the SAME thing. Part of me wants a second so bad. I kind of want a redemption for the experience I had with my first, but I’m also finally getting to a place where I feel some autonomy again and I don’t want to lose that… this podcast episode is a really lovely example of going from 1 to 2 with a bit of an age gap. It gives me hope that I’ve still got time to figure it out… Birth of a Mama: Shalin’s Story
@christopherpriestley I mean I think if you’re thinking of children as “worth it” you won’t get it. And you don’t have to. Don’t have kids if you don’t want to.
scribbler546
New member
@christopherpriestley I’m still pregnant with my second but I feel like hopefully only the 6 months will be extra rough. I want the benefit of them entertaining each other, because I find it very draining being my toddlers main source of entertainment day in and day out. I saw a stand up comedian say you become more of an usher/referee than the performer.
@christopherpriestley Depends on your life to begin with. I have health issues that completely drain me, and on top of that a 2,5 years old and a 8 months old. How I'm functioning is beyond me, but my god those smiles and interactions are so worth it.
We're tired now, but children don't stay young forever. The family life we're planning, as simple as going on holiday together, is so exciting!
We're tired now, but children don't stay young forever. The family life we're planning, as simple as going on holiday together, is so exciting!