@christopherpriestley I think it’s really personally dependent on a lot of things. For our family, we are firmly one and done- we value the free time, disposable income, and 1:1 time more. For other people, having siblings for their kids is vastly more valuable, and they don’t mind being stretched a little thinner.
It all comes down to you and your family, and what works best for you.
@christopherpriestley We’re in the same boat too. Pregnancy has been so rough of my body and our lifestyle includes a lot of work travel and traveling out of the country, so having one I think will be more than enough for us. We’re planning to be very inclusive of our daughters friends when it comes to vacations/trips/events in the future so she can have those memories with kids her own age.
@eilidh I love the idea of the optional “second child.” Bringing along friends of our kid lets them have company, but then we are back down to one child after the vacation is over.
@christopherpriestley My second is 5 months, me and my husband work as a team when it comes to taking care of our kids, I've never felt like I've grown apart from him, we have no problems financially and my daughter (our first) hasn't had any jealousy, mainly because we kept her upto date with what was happening with my pregnancy, so told her how big baby was, showed her scans, felt him kicking, and it made her excited to be a big sister, and now she loves feeding him, she loves coming home from Nursery to see him and cuddles him and given him his own nickname.
Not everyone's situation is the same, so for some it might add pressure to relationship, it might not. What I've learned as a parent is to never compare my experience to anyone else's. I feel so lucky that my daughter gets on with my son and that my relationship with my husband has only grown stronger. I've read alot of people have problems with their relationship even after the first baby. Having a baby is ALOT and having 2, yeah they keep you on your toes. But don't expect your experience having a second to be the same as your friends.
@designquote As someone who is going to have their second baby in 5 months time these words are what I needed to hear so badly! I've been terrified about having another baby while having a 3 year old but she's been amazing so far in my pregnancy and I feel like I can do this a second time around because I have the best team mate in my partner!
@christopherpriestley 1-2 was so worth it. Hard, yes. Laundry increases exponentially with each new addition. It’s a crazy time but we work as a pretty good team and we have family who offered support in the early days when we were getting our bearings.
My first born was never really jealous. My kids have had the sweetest relationship from day one. That’s been the biggest benefit for us. I’m pregnant with #3 and very much looking forward to more sibling love to come.
Not really sure why I’m getting downvoted. In my experience it was worth it.
@christopherpriestley I think it depends on the person. What do you want out of motherhood? Some people don't mind not having time for themselves and serving their family. Some can't stand it. Some people don't get triggered and touched out with the constant calling of mama and screaming children, some do!
@christopherpriestley We are expecting our second this year but from everything I’ve heard from everyone around me who has multiple kids is that while 1-2 is a big adjustment, 0-1 was the most stressful because you have no experience raising your own child and you have the largest adjustment to change of life. Could be that maybe they are overwhelmed with not just having to chase one kid around or make just one kid happy anymore. Not necessarily that it’s harder but just more taxing because oftentimes with one kid then one parent can relax while the other takes on care for that kid but with two you might have to both be on most of the time.
@christopherpriestley What’s hard about going from 1-2 is so completely different than 0-1. It hits people differently and that’s why there are opinions on which is harder. Imo- they are both hard. 0-1 is life shattering, identity shifting in ways you only understand when you live it. Adjusting to a new normal is really hard. 1-2 is easier in the life adjustment way since you’re used to being a parent. It’s also easier because you already know how to care for a baby. But 1-2 is harder in the sense of overstimulation from 2 kids now crying for you and needing your attention. Your partner really needs to step up and help if they weren’t already so for some people this is a struggle. 1-2 is definitely more chaotic. Some people lean into it and some people really struggle. Being a parent to a toddler while being dead tired from a newborn is also a rough stage but is over quickly.
@christopherpriestley After 1 me and the wife decided she is enough. The cost and stress and anxiety of raising a newborn was alot for us. I think more people need to hear that it is OKAY to stop at one.
@christopherpriestley It really depends. I found 1 to 2 easier than 0 to 1. I’m off for a year (Canadian parental leave), my older kiddo goes to preschool, we live near family, and I prepared my older one for the baby for months, so no jealousy (so far). My husband and I work as a team. We’ve already done the baby stuff before, so it’s sort of like riding a bike.
It sounds like your friend is going through a rough patch. Does she have any help? Would you be willing to take her older kiddo out of the house sometime? Or babysit both of them so she can get some alone time?
@christopherpriestley This is all very subjective and depends a lot on all individual parties involved.
Some kids are super low maintenance and a second kid is super easy since you already know the basics and have supplies. Sometimes there is added difficulty with one or both of the kids.
You never know how it will turn out.
My partner has a sister and is super close and I had a brother that sadly died young, but I can't quite imagine growing up without a sibling.
We only just had our first and it's been pretty chill and I'd like for him to have a sibling one day, but let's see how we feel in 1-2 years and where we stand financially and as a family.
It's definitely more stress and less sleep in the first couple of years. But having 1 kid is also more stress and less sleep and so far it's been worth it despite the difficulties.
You get no guarantees with kids. It will be worth it if you really want a bigger family. When in doubt, better don't risk it.
@christopherpriestley I’m sorry your friend is having a hard time. We have 2 under 2 and found going from 1-2 much easier than 0-1. As others have said, it’s very situation dependent. It depends on your babies temperaments and family dynamics, resources, finances, etc. Our toddler was 17 months when baby came home so he was too little to be jealous and now probably doesn’t remember life before his brother was in the picture. He loves the baby so much and it has made the transition wonderful. Toddler also sleeps great and is a generally chill guy which helps too. Finance wise it’s just something you need to plan for because of course adding another baby means more diapers, wipes, etc. but we have reused all clothes and baby gear from our first. We don’t have a lot of free time right now, but one day we will and I know this short-term stress will pay off. I can’t wait to see who my boys become and watch their sibling bond grow!
@christopherpriestley What you're missing is that you're looking at one specific situation and applying it to everyone. Maybe your friends are struggling for other reasons. I didn't want my child to be an only child. My family didn't feel complete after one, and I knew there was another waiting to be added. I can't explain it; I just knew stopping at one wasn't for me, and my husband agreed.
@christopherpriestley It’s the same thing as having the first in terms of “worth it”
As in some people don’t understand why you’d even have a kid at all and would wonder if it’s worth it.
Yes, it’s hard, we’re all exhausted, that’s just what having little kids is. But of course for parents the joys and rewards are there and they’re indescribable.
@christopherpriestley I’m due in June with our second, our first is 2. We are already suffering and poor, what’s a little extra pain?
We are very lucky to have active involved grandparents on both sides, lots of family, good jobs, good health and year long maternity leave with half pay (Canada) so we’re doubling down and investing in the future family we want and making the sacrifices now because we don’t know what the future holds. Everyone we’ve asked has said going from 1-2 is easier than 0-1 but on the other hand we also know lots of people who stopped at 1 because it was so hard.
