Is having a second kid really worth all the trouble? It looks exponentially harder to go from 1 to 2 kids than zero to 1.

[maskil]

@christopherpriestley Personally I wanted to have a second because our family didn’t feel complete yet. I was always told when you picture yourself and your family sitting at a dinner table how many chairs do you see being filled. I see 4-5 chairs being filled, were only on the fence about a 3rd because this was a rough pregnancy and finances (we’re gonna wait about 5-6 years to decide on having a 3rd or not)

It’s not for everyone and you don’t have to have multiple, everyone’s going to think differently about whether it’s “worth it” or not and you and your partner are the only ones to decide if it’s worth it for you. Of course it’s going to be stressful and exhausting for awhile but in my mind I believe it’s worth it because I’m raising my family and the amount of kids me and my husband think complete our family!

 

[stuart1717]

@christopherpriestley It is so, so fucking hard sometimes.

Here are the things that make it easier, and you can think about whether any of these apply to you:

• Local family support/an active village;
• Sufficient income to outsource what you need AND want;
• One partner who's either a SAHP or works PT (basically, someone with lots of flexibility);
• Having easy babies/kids (I know easy is a comparative and vague term, but still).

We aren't in any of those categories (maybe a wee bit of the last one, since my second was a vastly easier baby/toddler/kid than my first was/is). It's really the first two that impact us most strongly and make parenting absolutely relentless. We are lucky to get a yearly date night, we can't afford a housecleaner or to outsource meals (let alone a vacation), etc. There's just never a break.

Most of my friends with two kids who have felt similarly gutted and overwhelmed say it doesn't begin to feel liveable until both kids are 5+ and in elementary school at minimum. I can believe that, so I'm holding out some hope and just trying to survive until that point.

 

[onlyinhiseyesx]

@christopherpriestley I have a now 15 month old and a 3.5 year old, and it all depends on so many factors. I love them, and they are my world, but there are days where they are challenging

In a sense going from 1-2 was easier in the baby department. However I spent most of my time trying to wrangle a toddler, which has its own challenges. My second was pretty chill and didn't mind being put down. Some days are tough. Between the two of them, I'd be up a lot more than with one newborn. However my husband was helping with nights to

Now with two older kids, I am playing referee. It's exhausting. However, I have a lot of support. My parents live close by, my oldest goes to daycare full-time.

We're we miserable with two. Sometimes but a small blip in time doesn't ever make it not to worth it

 

[greenrock]

@christopherpriestley I guess I’m going to find out in two months

But as an adult I get along well with my two younger brothers, especially my middle brother. I wouldn’t have wanted to be an only child as a kid or now as an adult.

My girls will be just over two years apart and I hope they’ll be able to play together and just share wonderful childhood experiences together

 

[kamrian]

@christopherpriestley I’ve heard that 1-2 is usually an easier transition than 0-1, but I also kind of agree with you. My husband and I have decided that at least right now, we’re one and done. The economy is hard and we know that we can give a good quality of life to one child, I’m not sure about 2.

 

[donnam]

@christopherpriestley Try going from 1 to 3 lol

It’s hard but it’s temporary. And our age gap (4 yrs) helped. But if I could choose I would never choose twins tbh.

 

[the_journey]

@donnam Oh, hi! I’m in this boat. I will find out how extreme it is later this year.

 

[welmadixson]

@christopherpriestley 0-1 is the biggest shock of your life. 1-2 is nothing except sleep and potty training shit starts again.

I went right from 1-3 bc we had twins and let me tell you what, that sucked.

 

[anon9101]

@christopherpriestley Check out r/oneanddone

 

[katrina2017]

@christopherpriestley We are 1 year into having 2, and I definitely disagree with a lot of people that say that 1-2 is easier than 0-1. We actually had the opposite experience. 0-1 was obviously difficult because your life completely changes once you add a kid to the mix, and the actual caring for a baby part is easier the 2nd time around. However, the 2nd kid is never going to match the excitement and wonder that the first one did; the level of sleep deprivation is also exponentially worse, at least with one baby I could sit and hold her, or try to catch a nap while she was napping, and it was just way more relaxed. With 2, you're just 'on' all day, trying to breastfeed while your toddler is running around and needs your attention is not nearly as sweet and peaceful of a bonding experience as it was with the first.

Most days I compare to whack-a-mole. You're basically tending to one fire after another, usually alternating between one kid's needs and then the other's. I feel bad too that toddler usually wins because she's louder and can hurt herself faster than baby can. She essentially got all of us for the first 2 years of her life, and now is still getting priority, and the guilt that you feel for not being as invested in your 2nd is very common.

That being said - it is rewarding seeing them interact and start to play together, and they definitely love and care for each other in a way that is special to them. I grew up with lots of siblings, and they are the relationships I most cherish now as an adult, so it is largely for their benefit that they both exist.

 

[guidanceneeded]

@katrina2017 Does having toddler in daycare help with this at all? Not saying to have kids just to put in daycare, but as a working parent this is going to be my reality.

 

[theqom]

@christopherpriestley When you have a second kid you suddenly have to deal with conflicting little personalities. You become a fight mediator if your kids are like mine (love each other but argue over nothing).

 

[jman1285]

@christopherpriestley Sounds like the dad isn’t helping much

 

[teapo]

@christopherpriestley My hardest transition was from 0 to 1. My second was unplanned and he was born less than a year after the birth of my first, but I had an idea of what I was doing the second time around. My husband and I split our attention so one of us would take each kid which made it easier.

We just went from 2 to 3 which has been the easiest in my opinion. We know what we’re doing at this point and my boys are a little older now. However, having multiple kids is not for everyone. It’s not something you should do unless you’re 100% sure about it.

 

[jsou10]

@christopherpriestley Our family is small, so we'll probably go for one more child. I agree with you that's a financial strain, especially since hubby's family is overseas in Japan, so going to see them is a big expense for 4 people and 2 of them are freeloaders!

But you know, maybe it's worth it to have that joy, idk... If you're one and done then that's completely understandable. Everyone has their own priorities and that's fine.

 

[hideout]

@christopherpriestley It’s a different kind of difficult but I don’t find it as difficult as I expected tbh.
My older one isn’t that jealous and it’s easier raising the baby because you already know everything.
0-1 is bigger life adjustment than 1-2 I think.

 

[grace4today]

@christopherpriestley My oldest is 12 and can help out. Not that I will make but he is extremely happy to welcome his half brother/ sister. As for my husband this is his first child and he wanted a child. I wouldn’t keep that joy away from him.

 

[magdalenab]

@christopherpriestley This is why I’m one and done,

 

[bb1212]

@christopherpriestley My kids are 4 , almost 5 years apart. My daughter was born a month ago so I may be speaking too soon but 2 kids has been pretty easy. I would think that 2 really young ones is really hard.

 

[tim_o]

@christopherpriestley I mean for my family its not worth the trouble and that’s why we’re one and done. Everyone’s different though.