I'm making my daughter fast until 5pm

[xamell]

@judyc

Am I being too drastic?

Yes, you are. Her reaction is partially due to you, and partially due to being 10.

She's 10. Her frame of reference is vastly different. Christians do not fast, its an alien concept to her. She responds as a 10 year old would, by laughing. It's not necessarily disrespectful, it's just...10. How come she wasn't aware of the neighbor's religious beliefs and practices in the first place?

+1 for wanting to teach tolerance and understanding. The best way might be to visit a mosque and arrange a talk with the Imam. Engage in thoughtful dialogue about the beliefs and customs of others, especially since they're neighbors. Maybe even arrange a play dates so 10 can incorporate this new, alien information into her otherwise homogeneous understanding of everything else about her, helping her gain perspective and context.

That you live in a neighborhood that is reflective of our larger world and heterogeneous is a good thing. You brought this on partially yourself by not using that awareness and teaching her along the way about the customs and practices of her friends and neighbors. Maybe you should fast instead. But, with 10 try a softer, gentler approach.

 

[judyc]

@xamell Thank you for taking the time to respond so thoroughly. I dont think I ever mentioned that we were Christians, that is because we are not. I also didnt mention that she has various muslim friends, and goes over their homes quite alot, which is why this sign of disrespect caught me so off guard, and possibly why I reacted so drastically, because the concept of fasting is not new or alien, she knows about it. I like to think that I have taught her about a lot of different cultures, maybe I didnt, it is definitely something that I'll work on.

 

[isaiah535]

@xamell I agree for the most part, but Christians do fast on certain religious days during Lent.

 

[xamell]

@isaiah535 Right, but I'm making the assumption based on the info provided, its clear that the OP's family doesn't fast, it wouldn't be so novel to 10 if they did.

 

[sadnopi]

@judyc Doesn't sound too bad, no. My kid was making fun of his buddy for being jewish, so i gave him an authentic brit milah. I went through a lot of mouth wash that night i tell you hwhat.

 

[brittney6286]

@judyc Forcing your kid to go without food seems really inappropriate.

 

[judyc]

@brittney6286 A lot of people would disagree....

 

[xamell]

@judyc A lot do disagree, but that doesn't make them correct. And we know this b/c other than giving you the high five for this (harebrained) idea, none of them has yet to describe how your imposing a day of starvation on your non Muslim 10 year old would teach her "Empathy". If anything, it's far easier to describe how this will create huge resentment towards you.

 

[hammerofthor]

@judyc And a lot of people would agree...

 

[xianghua]

@judyc Yeah a lot of abusive parents.

You do understand why children need food right?

 

[judyc]

@xianghua No idea

 

[xianghua]

@judyc I wonder how surprised you’ll be in the future when your daughter no longer shares her stories with you because she knows she’ll get punished.

 

[judyc]

@xianghua Not surprised at all, she can live with herself and her conscious if she decided not to share her stories with me, especially if she's not sharing because she KNOWS she was wrong. I have no guilt for making her feel bad for being a jerk.

 

[xianghua]

@judyc It means that she won’t share stories where you could give her an opportunity to learn if you listened and were non judgemental...

“I have no guilt for making her feel bad for being a jerk” she is a child and her actions are a reflection on how you’ve raised her.

This situation could have easily be resolved by talking about it but instead you’ve went to this extreme. The most concerning part is how you’re talking about it so openly - I wonder how else you punish her. Poor child. At least you’ll help her figure out soon enough her mommy isn’t someone to trust.

 

[judyc]

@xianghua I think you misunderstand my intentions and the way I am with my daughter on a daily basis. Which is understandable by this means (we are strangers on the internet.) I dont think it is extreme to not have 3 meals. I made her fast in reflection 1 day for 8 hours. I do thank you for sharing your opinion which is the reason why I posted this.

 

[xamell]

@judyc

I have no guilt for making her feel bad for being a jerk.

That's the definition of abuse, you know. The intentional infliction of pain. In your case, as some teaching tool. Instead of reddit, go google the effects of abuse/pain as a teaching tool and see. They'll also likely describe far more effective ways of teaching empathy, none of which includes discomfort..

 

[judyc]

@xamell She is not going through any pain what so ever, thank you for pointing this out, it is an honest mistake to assume this.

 

[xamell]

@judyc Yeah, you're one of those many parents who knows absolutely everything and wanted that grandiose misconception validated here. And, remarkably, many do seem to agree with you. Fortunately I am not one of them. I agree with the few who have eloquently disagreed with your whole approach. It's clear you wnat to be seen as enlightened and tolerant, yet your thought process and responses to 10 and others here would suggest quite the opposite.

That you are forcing your child to go without food is reprehensible and there is no way you can convince me (and the other reasonable people who have responded in kind) that this is an effective tool to teach anything but resentment of you. There are other far more effective and less extreme (and borderline abusive) ways of interacting with your child.

best of luck to you.

 

[judyc]

@xamell I am taking every comment as helpful. I dont disagree with most of what you've mentioned. Did I make a mistake? Possibly and that's why I posted. I was ready to get my ass torn apart. Do I think she will resent me? I honestly don't think so, because like I mentioned in another response, I dont usually "punish" her. She fasted one day for 8 hours, while we played, talked about why she was doing this, school, friends among other things, by no means is this abusive. I definitely understand your point of view.

 

[jeffl425]

@judyc I feel you could’ve just explained things to her, it didn’t seem she was rebelling or won’t help next time judging by your post.

However if you felt it was necessary as she was making lite of the issue (which again wasn’t too reflected on the post) then by all means make her fast, though she’s probably gonna snag something at school you know