Just wondering how you split things up so everyone gets a break? My husband works FT and I stay at home. I pretty much take care of everything for our baby. I am happy to! But I’m finding that I am met with resistance if I do ask for help (Like so I can shower, do laundry, etc.). I’m just wondering what this dynamic looks like in other partners. I’m afraid he’ll miss out on bonding with him but I don’t want to be nagging.
If you have 1 SAHP and 1 Parent working full time…
- Thread starter akdamar
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- stay-at-home parents
@akdamar The typical breakdown is this: as a SAHM parent you are “working” as it is a full time job. You just aren’t “paid.” So once your husband is home from work you can view it as you have both “clocked out” of your respective jobs and are now parenting and running the household TOGETHER. He needs to not look at it as he is doing you some sort of favor but rather he needs to pull his weight. Otherwise, when do you ever clock out of your job?
theundecided
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@antoni Absolutely this! Once working parent is home you work together as a team. And you continue as a team until kiddos are asleep. If you weren’t able to get a shower in during the day, communicate with your partner to make sure you can get one in. You aren’t asking him for “help” but you are expecting him to parent and contribute to the household outside of working hours.
katrina2017
New member
@antoni This is how we do it. When my husband gets home he switches to dad. I switch to not mom for at least an hour. Then we come together and do everything that needs to be done together. Ie cooking, cleaning, childcare. On weekends we do everything together and I give him a solid break to just veg out at some point (depending on what he wants. Sometimes there's a fight on, sometimes his buddies are playing games at X time whatever it is.) And then he does the same for me on the other day. So say Saturday and Sunday or could be Friday and Saturday whatever. We try and always get house work stuff done before these things and it's limited. Not unlimited time. Then every once in a while we will have something going on and the other will get a whole day ect. Its really a balance. It's not ALWAYS "equal" but it's always fair.
@katrina2017 I like that “not mom.” I’m totally cool still cooking or whatever, but get this kid off me!
katrina2017
New member
exactly. I'll literally Cinderella the house if it means I am not being touched for an hour@katrina2017 This sounds like the way to do it! Great advice
fight4faith
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katrina2017
New member
@akdamar I just finished reading “How to Keep House While Drowning” and it was phenomenal at small mental shifts. One of the huge things she suggested was instead of focusing on equal amounts of work, to instead focus on equal amounts of REST. Incredible read and perspective changes, can’t recommend it enough!
@akdamar Don't ask him to 'help' with his own child. That's not a 'help' kind of thing. If you need to shower, cook, whatever, just give him the baby and say 'I'm going to go shower'. That's it. There's no need for discussion. If he has something else he has to do at that time, he'll let you know.
@tburns_hm Amen!
@tburns_hm This is not my usual way, but after 3+ years of being a sahm (and struggling sometimes) I feel.like this is worth a shot bc otherwise someone like OPs husband/partner is just gonna let her run herself into the ground and then later act shocked when she gets depressed and resentful
ajewelinhiscrown
New member
@akdamar I’m going to be totally honest with you and my situation is probably not typical, but basically I’m the SAHD and my wife works a very stressful and intense job. My breaks are few. I don’t get help with the housework or chores. I’m always on duty. Occasionally I’ll go to the gym while my wife stays home with the kids when she doesn’t have to be on work. Otherwise my breaks, if I ever get to that point, is somewhere between 9:00 am and 12:00 pm when all my kids are in school and that’s if we’re not late to drop off; then my “break time,” which I actually use to run errands quickly without kids in tow, go to the grocery store, etc., is shorter. It’s tough. I hear it gets easier when your youngest is five.
katrina2017
New member
@ajewelinhiscrown This is true. Ours just started kindergarten 830-3 and everything is easier. Our relationship is better, our parenting is better, life just feels better.
@akdamar I am the SAHP. My husband hangs out with our son until bedtime after he’s off work. Because I want peace to shower, or do chores without interruptions. I will usually cook dinner for all of us too. Then he does our son’s bedtime and I’m free to do whatever. I sometimes work part time from home so I do it then. My husband also does the bulk of cleaning the kitchen because it’s my least favorite chore.
My husband enjoys video games and exercising so he does exercising in the morning before work as to not dive into family time too much. And for video games, I’ll take our son to bed one night a week so he can start his hobby sooner. But even when he takes our son to bed, he’s out of the room around 930 so he will game after that. My husband and son are SO close. I think the after work bonding has helped a lot. And if myself or husband ever feel burnt out, we just openly communicate with each other and the other helps out however is needed.
My husband enjoys video games and exercising so he does exercising in the morning before work as to not dive into family time too much. And for video games, I’ll take our son to bed one night a week so he can start his hobby sooner. But even when he takes our son to bed, he’s out of the room around 930 so he will game after that. My husband and son are SO close. I think the after work bonding has helped a lot. And if myself or husband ever feel burnt out, we just openly communicate with each other and the other helps out however is needed.
robertmharvey
New member
lchristianalisha
New member
@akdamar I think I'm lucky in that my husband really enjoys baby stuff and takes over without me having to ask. He'd be a SAHD in a heartbeat, but his earning potential is substantially higher than mine lol.
Anyway, for us it's 50/50 when we're both home. And on Sundays he plays "default parent" and I get to just up and go run errands, or take care of personal things, without having to "ask" him to watch the baby. And I do 80% of the household stuff, but it's always been that way long before we were parents.
Anyway, for us it's 50/50 when we're both home. And on Sundays he plays "default parent" and I get to just up and go run errands, or take care of personal things, without having to "ask" him to watch the baby. And I do 80% of the household stuff, but it's always been that way long before we were parents.