I was led to believe he completed the second check after vasectomy, I am now 5 days late

[sweetiicake]

Sorry, throwaway acct because my husband is on Reddit daily.

My husband got a vasectomy September of 2022. He was instructed to check his sperm 3 months after the procedure and again 6 months after the procedure. He did the first test which showed he was sterile. The second test kit was in a junk drawer for a long while until one morning I noticed it gone. I asked him if he had done the second test and he said “yes I did it.”

Ok. To me that means - “yes, my dear wife, I filled the cup, mailed it, and once again was told I was sterile.”

Fast forward to now. I’m 5 days late. My periods have always been regular except for the two pregnancies. I haven’t been any more stressed than usual. I’ve worked out the same amount. No new medication. Etc. The thing is .. I’ve taken like 5 tests and they’ve all been negative (different types/brands).

It suddenly occurred to me this morning that he never sent me the results from the second kit. Only from the first. When I asked him about it, he looked a little nervous and tried to avoid the subject. When I insisted on seeing the results, he finally said he “couldn’t remember” if he had sent in the kit or not. He quickly said that he knew I wasn’t pregnant (???) and then was attempting to make it out as if me being upset was an exaggeration. I quickly left for a run and we haven’t said much of anything to each other since. I honestly don’t know what to feel. Anger doesn’t seem to cover it. Betrayal? Disappointment? I don’t know. I never would’ve had unprotected sex had I known that second kit was never sent in.

I’m coming here because I truly don’t know what to feel. I can’t make sense as to why he would leave it up to chance like that after the hell that was our last pregnancy (many complications throughout, emergency c section, 32 week old preemie.)

I don’t know what I need from y’all. I just need feedback from someone who doesn’t know him personally.

 

[sbjk]

@sweetiicake I'm really hoping it's a false alarm and that you get your period soon.

Either way, you two need to have a "come to Jesus" talk. Its NOT ok that he wasn't truthful about the second kit and the results, or lack thereof. It's not ok that hes putting the onus of pregnancy protection on you, unwittingly. You're the one who has to deal with the consequences. It's an extremely simple task that he had to complete to ensure that you're safe from pregnancy. He didnt have to deal with hormones and side effects and everything else that comes with BC and pregnancy.

Internet hugs from a stranger

 

[sweetiicake]

@sbjk Thank you so much

 

[whosthe2witnesses]

@sweetiicake If you had a regular cycle this month (ie ovulated at the usual time) and are 5 days late due to being pregnant, you should have a positive test by now. Most likely situation is that you ovulated late for whatever reason (it can happen randomly even if you’re normally very regular), although that obviously doesn’t rule out pregnancy, yet. (I’m guessing you know all that already)

Maybe he decided not to do the second test given the first showed he was sterile? He still should have checked that that was ok with you though, and minimising your upset over the situation is not okay. I hope things turn out for the best.

 

[sweetiicake]

@whosthe2witnesses I do know that but I appreciate the reassurance.

We had joked about before how vasectomies fail mostly due to the patient's failure to follow recheck instructions afterward. Unfortunately, there is no excuse for him to not know how important it was (what I assumed was the both of us) for him to go back and test a second time.

 

[graceandgranola]

@sweetiicake He’s not going to be sterile after test one and fertile after test two. Men are given multiple tests because it’s not uncommon for men to still have viable sperm in their system at the three month point. Two of my friend’s husbands had to go for a second test because they were deemed fertile after the first test. My husband had to do the test three times because he was still fertile after the second. But if he was sterile after the first, he’s not suddenly going to be fertile again after a few more weeks.

 

[josh_r12]

@graceandgranola This is the correct answer.

It’s not really possible to go from being sterile to being not sterile.

Over time (Like year(s)) the procedure may reverse itself. This is not common, but possible.

As other posters have mentioned, if you are five days late then you would have a positive pregnancy test by now.

Sometimes as we age we sometimes have non ovulating cycles, which tend to cause longer periods.

 

[jebadoa]

@josh_r12 Wait, what do you mean the procedure can reverse itself?! The tubes can just reattach themselves?

 

[josh_r12]

@jebadoa Yes. It is incredibly rare, 0.025% of cases will spontaneously reverse itself. So for most people it is a non issue.

 

[sweetiicake]

@jebadoa Yup. If you search up failed vasectomies on Reddit, there are hundreds of threads where the tubes reattached themselves and their spouses ended up pregnant. Sometimes it happened 10+ years after the procedure. I always though “sucks to be them” and now look at me lol

 

[jebadoa]

@sweetiicake It only becomes "now look at me" if your husband's vas deferens have reconnected. Until then, it's just a chance, and seems like a very slim one too.

 

[sweetiicake]

@graceandgranola Thank you for the reassurance!

 

[christian1991]

@sweetiicake Here in Quebec Canada, when men have a vasectomy, they only have to do one test to see if they are sterile. 3 months after the vasectomy. If that test says they are sterile, they don't have to do another one. If that first test says they are not sterile yet, they have to do another one, usually it means they didn't ejaculate enough times before doing the first test. If the second test also says they are not sterile, they start suspecting that the vasectomy didn't work properly.

If your husband was sterile on the first test, he would not likely be fertile on the second. Except for the ultra rare chance that his anatomy got repaired by themselves, or in other words, the vasectomy reversed itself, it can happen but not often, the chances are really low that he would be fertile.

He seems to try to hide to you if he did the second test or not though, that's not fine.

Edit : I'm talking about private clinics here, so no, it's not because healthcare is free in Canada that they want to skip the test. In case anyone is wondering haha

 

[sweetiicake]

@christian1991 That's so odd. His clinic was big about retesting at least those two times and according to a few others we've heard from, that is normal in order to ensure the procedure took.

Like I have told others, though, this is reassuring to read. At least for the part of me not being pregnant! Thank you for your input.

 

[ramonguitar]

@sweetiicake My husband got a vasectomy last year and only had to do one test…

 

[bblack4jc]

@ramonguitar Same! I’m sitting here now wondering if I should demand a recount!

 

[rronald_25]

@bblack4jc A recount Thanks for the laugh!

 

[ramonguitar]

@bblack4jc I was wondering the same thing, but I think it’s fine. If he was clear, why would a second test be necessary?

 

[takeonme]

@bblack4jc Yes you should. Someone close to me was given a false test result because it was not processed correctly. They were never told and his significant other is now pregnant.

 

[sweetiicake]

@takeonme If you don’t mind me asking, did they mention how they new the lab incorrectly processed the sample?