@sweetiicake Their doctor was able to obtain specifics.
I was led to believe he completed the second check after vasectomy, I am now 5 days late
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sweetiicake
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@ramonguitar They only gave him one kit for him to do?
ramonguitar
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@sweetiicake Yes. He had to wait a certain number of weeks( I can’t remember how many….I think 6 or 8) and then he could get tested. I was on a birth control implant, so he waited around 4 months. He did the test and the said he was all set. They told him he only needed a second test if the first one came back positive for sperm.
sweetiicake
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@ramonguitar That's so strange. Our office advised on two tests and even gave us both kits beforehand. They didn't say the second one was based on anything I don't think.
@sweetiicake I had one last year, no one in Australia does a 2nd 6 month test if the 3 month test is negative.
I was provided a second set in case the first one proved positive I had to take a second one later.
I read heaps of American documentation before I had it done, and I never saw any reference to someone getting a second test if the first one was negative.
I was provided a second set in case the first one proved positive I had to take a second one later.
I read heaps of American documentation before I had it done, and I never saw any reference to someone getting a second test if the first one was negative.
sweetiicake
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@sweetiicake If you were 5 days late you’d have a blazing positive. You’re probably not pregnant.
sweetiicake
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@sweetiicake Get a blood test. They're accurate.
He "can't remember", well that's fucking convenient hey.
I'm sorry. I'd be feeling betrayed. He had one job and failed! You've been pregnant, given birth, tracked your cycle....
I'm concerned that it sounds like he tried to instantly turn it into a YOU problem. That you overreacted, that you are upset for no reason, etc etc... it sounds extremely manipulative, is he always like this when he fucks up? Finds a way to blame you?
He "can't remember", well that's fucking convenient hey.
I'm sorry. I'd be feeling betrayed. He had one job and failed! You've been pregnant, given birth, tracked your cycle....
I'm concerned that it sounds like he tried to instantly turn it into a YOU problem. That you overreacted, that you are upset for no reason, etc etc... it sounds extremely manipulative, is he always like this when he fucks up? Finds a way to blame you?
sweetiicake
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@trvadams We had issues with him becoming defensive anytime ANY topic was brought up but that was years ago. He has been great about hearing me out and apologizing for his part in any problem we may be facing. He is a very sweet man, an incredible father, yadayada. But this is a huge error on his part and I don't think he was ready to face that truth.
@sweetiicake So, it would seem like a lot of things are going on.
If he did send in the kit, that would have been around March I'm assuming? I suppose there's still a possibility he did the right thing and just spaced on reporting the results and now can't find/doesn't have a copy. It is also possible he just didn't do the kit and thought, "Well, the first one gave me a sterile reading so the second one is redundant".
It also would seem unlikely you're pregnant if a bunch of tests say you're not as five days into a missed period is well within the window of a positive pregnancy test. There are lots of reasons you'd have a late period that aren't just pregnancy.
It would seem like the most likely outcome here is 1) he spaced the second sperm test and 2) you're not pregnant because he is, in fact, sterile. Your period is late because of stress or some other life change. But that still leaves you with the fact that his callous disregard made this worry and stress possible for you, and that's a big deal in and of itself. So I would need two major things from a partner in that scenario, I think. First, I'd need the mistake corrected. I'd demand he go and complete the test as he said he would for both of our peace of mind. And I'd also need a full-throated apology that acknowledges that failing to complete this administrative task put me at risk unnecessarily and betrayed my trust. I would need clear and specific acknowledgment that, even while forgetting to do something like this is human, the consequences of that mistake would have fallen on me and he failed me by not holding up his end of the bargain. It kind of doesn't matter if it is actually all good and he's, in fact, sterile. That's good news, but not the point. You trusted him and he failed to live up to that trust, and he's got to tangle with that emotionally. Refusing to own the fuck up would be what really got my goat on that one.
If he did send in the kit, that would have been around March I'm assuming? I suppose there's still a possibility he did the right thing and just spaced on reporting the results and now can't find/doesn't have a copy. It is also possible he just didn't do the kit and thought, "Well, the first one gave me a sterile reading so the second one is redundant".
It also would seem unlikely you're pregnant if a bunch of tests say you're not as five days into a missed period is well within the window of a positive pregnancy test. There are lots of reasons you'd have a late period that aren't just pregnancy.
It would seem like the most likely outcome here is 1) he spaced the second sperm test and 2) you're not pregnant because he is, in fact, sterile. Your period is late because of stress or some other life change. But that still leaves you with the fact that his callous disregard made this worry and stress possible for you, and that's a big deal in and of itself. So I would need two major things from a partner in that scenario, I think. First, I'd need the mistake corrected. I'd demand he go and complete the test as he said he would for both of our peace of mind. And I'd also need a full-throated apology that acknowledges that failing to complete this administrative task put me at risk unnecessarily and betrayed my trust. I would need clear and specific acknowledgment that, even while forgetting to do something like this is human, the consequences of that mistake would have fallen on me and he failed me by not holding up his end of the bargain. It kind of doesn't matter if it is actually all good and he's, in fact, sterile. That's good news, but not the point. You trusted him and he failed to live up to that trust, and he's got to tangle with that emotionally. Refusing to own the fuck up would be what really got my goat on that one.
sweetiicake
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@jaytcee I took another test this morning and it was another negative, so yes, I feel much better knowing that I simply missed my period this month (for the first time in my life) for some unknown reason.
Thank you for your response. This is mostly what I needed to read. Anyone else I know would've immediately bashed him for this mistake, intentional or not. That's not what I was looking for. I think I have a better idea as to how to move forward from here.
Thank you for your response. This is mostly what I needed to read. Anyone else I know would've immediately bashed him for this mistake, intentional or not. That's not what I was looking for. I think I have a better idea as to how to move forward from here.
sweetiicake
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Update: I’m 8 days late but all test results show up negative (including blood work). Looks like we’re good! Thank you all for your input. Husband apologized and he is getting retested.
@sweetiicake I second calling your primary and getting a blood test. Maybe see if they can order a panel, make sure everything is ok unless you had one recently. Im assuming you’re younger. Do women in the family tend to start menopause early? Likely not I know but I wanted to put it out there in case you hadn’t thought of it. I’m almost 42 so that’s on my radar.
sweetiicake
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katrina2017
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@sweetiicake hopefully you live in/or adjacent to a non-fascist state
@sweetiicake My periods are super regular til they're not!! Sometimes I'll get a random missed period or super late period for no reason. Thanks, mother nature!!
BUT he shouldn't be misleading about important stuff like this. He needs to get his shit together, this is a big deal.
BUT he shouldn't be misleading about important stuff like this. He needs to get his shit together, this is a big deal.
@sweetiicake No words just sending 
your way
your way