@pudnanewell1986 That’s rough. That did not happen to us, but I have similar feelings. I miscarried a baby and didn’t realize that you can get pregnant again directly after miscarriage. despite not being very active in the weeks after we lost the baby, my period did not come again. I think we only had sex once to “feel normal” but it brought on grief so we didn’t again. Nevertheless, I was pregnant. I wouldn’t have my son if that first pregnancy had been viable.
Sometimes I felt guilty. Like I had forgotten baby 1. Of course I didn’t. It was always on my mind. Sometimes I felt terrible grief even as the 2nd baby grew and thrived inside of me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love the subsequent baby. Finding out I was pregnant again hurt as much as it healed. Feelings are not mutually exclusive. it feels wrong to feel joy when something sad has happened but it’s not. Life is conflict. I’ll always be sad that our first pregnancy failed. It felt like the death of the future and everything I had ever wanted. It wasn’t. It was a tragic thing that happened beyond our control. I accept the lingering feelings as proof that that tiny little almost human mattered and was precious to us.
I know the only thing that helped me at the time was talking through it with my husband. Even though we read these stories all the time and know it happens to others, at the time, it feels so intimate that only your partner can understand what you’re feeling. Losing a wanted baby just really fucking sucks all the way around. But just like all other sucky, lame, unfair things, life can improve despite (and sometimes even because) those sucky unfair lame things happened.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. Feel your feelings, support your loves, move forward with respect for the past. Those are the things that stick out to me as important in accepting what I didn’t want to. Take care. Sorry I rambled. Like most people who are responding, reading this struck a nerve and I wanted to say... something. Anything. It’s an honor to a life that briefly lived, yours and mine, proof of love.