@coffee777 I got hit with the classic double trouble at the grocery store the other day. Honestly just makes me laugh because it’s like in old rpgs people only have like three things they can say.
i hate when people say “i wish i have/had twins”
- Thread starter diddle
- Start date
marielleski
New member
@marielleski It’s like being a celebrity’s entourage. Like they tolerate you to get to who they actually care about.
joedetroit
New member
@coffee777 Lately my response to these comments have been “Yeah, well someone has to save the world.” Then give them the one arched eyebrow 
“What are you contributing to society?” look 
“What are you contributing to society?” look temptinfates
New member
@coffee777 Yes exactly. When people act like wow how on earth are you gonna handle them (plus your 2 other kiddos), it's like why even say that? Be encouraging. So when people say they always wanted twins it make me feel honored
@diddle For sure, they are projecting their own fantasy of what having twins is like. I don't think there's a lot of knowledge about NICU time, high risk pregnancy experience and then the logistics of having two infants. They are thinking of them playing together, wearing matching clothes and maybe the attention that comes from having twins.
I never know how to respond when someone says this.
I never know how to respond when someone says this.
@diddle I mean, not dismissing your struggles, but there's no way for people to know in advance you had all these complications. Complications can arrive with one baby pregnancies as well, so when people say they wish they had "your number" of babies, they are obviously not referring to the complications.
I know people who always wanted to have two but due to a very high risk complication in the pregnancy, had to stop after the first. They said they wished they had twins, because at least they would have ended with the number of kids they envisioned. Also, while having twins have their own struggles, it's very tempting to be going through each phase just once at a time and then be done.
I know people who always wanted to have two but due to a very high risk complication in the pregnancy, had to stop after the first. They said they wished they had twins, because at least they would have ended with the number of kids they envisioned. Also, while having twins have their own struggles, it's very tempting to be going through each phase just once at a time and then be done.
@diddle I once broke down crying over my anxiety of having twins when I was pregnant and my 2 close friends said "oh I would love to have twins". They weren't just trying to make me feel better. It's conversations we have had in the past. And I just said "no you don't. You love the idea of twins. Identical girls in pretty matching dresses" because they are both very girlie and one has all girls and outwardly expressed she's never wanted a boy. They both just sort of looked at me as what I said sank in.
Anyway mine are now 4 and they both don't like the idea of twins no more. XD
Anyway mine are now 4 and they both don't like the idea of twins no more. XD
and screaming for milk 
@diddle Actually one of the friends has kids close in age (I bet you can imagine those comments too 
) so that never bothered her either.
But a few weeks ago I was crying and ranting in the group chat, and this is what fully made them understand how hard twins is. One of my twins is autistic and a bit of a runner, and the other I believe may have ADHD. Anyway school are letting the kids home and out come my two with beans they are growing in school to carry on at home so that was 2x plastic pots with no lids with a stick coming out the top of it with a picture attached. Then there was school letters X2. Then a paper hat each they both made, girl twin was wearing hers, boy twin refused. So that went in my hand too. Then both kids water bottles, and the boy ones backpack which is too small for all of these items. Oh and I think I also had a reading book. And when I asked if they had a plastic bag or something I was looked at like I had grown a second head.
So I put what I can in the backpack the rest in my one "free" hand and then holding boy twins hand. The girl one cried on the way home because she couldn't hold my hand but her brother, who she sees is the exact same as her was. They don't want to hold each others hands. The world isn't perfect like that. So I had to put a lot of trust in the boy one not to let go of 2 of my fingers and she got 2 on the other hand to make it fair. It's times like that people realise the logistics of twins isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Because it's easy to tell someone "it's ok if they cry a bit while you change the other" when they are babies. But those babies start to develop real thoughts and feelings.
) so that never bothered her either. But a few weeks ago I was crying and ranting in the group chat, and this is what fully made them understand how hard twins is. One of my twins is autistic and a bit of a runner, and the other I believe may have ADHD. Anyway school are letting the kids home and out come my two with beans they are growing in school to carry on at home so that was 2x plastic pots with no lids with a stick coming out the top of it with a picture attached. Then there was school letters X2. Then a paper hat each they both made, girl twin was wearing hers, boy twin refused. So that went in my hand too. Then both kids water bottles, and the boy ones backpack which is too small for all of these items. Oh and I think I also had a reading book. And when I asked if they had a plastic bag or something I was looked at like I had grown a second head.
So I put what I can in the backpack the rest in my one "free" hand and then holding boy twins hand. The girl one cried on the way home because she couldn't hold my hand but her brother, who she sees is the exact same as her was. They don't want to hold each others hands. The world isn't perfect like that. So I had to put a lot of trust in the boy one not to let go of 2 of my fingers and she got 2 on the other hand to make it fair. It's times like that people realise the logistics of twins isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Because it's easy to tell someone "it's ok if they cry a bit while you change the other" when they are babies. But those babies start to develop real thoughts and feelings.
harveyonwall
New member
@bijoux This a constant struggle for us. If dad picks up one and puts him on his shoulders the other breaks down because he wants it too. I physically can not put either of them on my shoulders and walk. I try to carry them out they are almost 50 pounds and I can’t make it very far. Plus the hate the double trash we get from school. Of course you crush them if you throw away the letter tracing sheets they did at school today 
. I love my boys but it’s so true that people love the idea twins. I’m a twin and I never wanted twins because I knew how hard it was on my parents especially how expensive it was. It’s amazing to me how many peoples jaws hit the floor when I explain that everything doubles starting at delivery etc. People don’t think out the logistics at all and seriously why would they prior to having to live it?! I will say it has been pretty nice having my kids both in the same sports on the weekends while I hear the other parents talk about how everyone had to go to football first thing, now dads at volleyball while moms at soccer. I know as their interests change we’ll likely play the same game but while they young and in the thick of toddler meltdowns it’s nice to have both parents at the same place lol.
. I love my boys but it’s so true that people love the idea twins. I’m a twin and I never wanted twins because I knew how hard it was on my parents especially how expensive it was. It’s amazing to me how many peoples jaws hit the floor when I explain that everything doubles starting at delivery etc. People don’t think out the logistics at all and seriously why would they prior to having to live it?! I will say it has been pretty nice having my kids both in the same sports on the weekends while I hear the other parents talk about how everyone had to go to football first thing, now dads at volleyball while moms at soccer. I know as their interests change we’ll likely play the same game but while they young and in the thick of toddler meltdowns it’s nice to have both parents at the same place lol.@harveyonwall I once had a friend (one of the same ones here) say "oh behave you can't walk, I was the same size as you when I was pregnant with 2 of mine. With the last one my midwife even said I was the size of someone carrying twins but it was all water" I bit her head off in my hormonal state "oh sorry didn't realise you had 2 placentas and 2 sacs adding weight and pressure on you. Plus 2 heads, 4 arms and 4 legs kicking and punching you where ever they can reach". People just don't think about things logistically. Do they mean any harm? No not really. They just don't understand. Doesn't make it any less annoying though!
hisdelight831
New member
@diddle
This is what they’re talking about.
I’ve been wishing for a family longer than you’ve been alive, and I feel SO lucky to finally have my boys.
I hope the trauma of pregnancy and birth get easier to bear as time goes on. I know that’s been the case for me (4 months postpartum). And I hope things get easier as your babies grow.
Hang in there…
This is what they’re talking about. I’ve been wishing for a family longer than you’ve been alive, and I feel SO lucky to finally have my boys.
I hope the trauma of pregnancy and birth get easier to bear as time goes on. I know that’s been the case for me (4 months postpartum). And I hope things get easier as your babies grow.
Hang in there…
@youu Strangers can absolutely speak to parents of multiples. I have had lots of lovely experiences when out with my two, especially when they were younger.
I've had the usual weirdos that say stuff that was the same when out with my singleton too.
It's often the way things are said that is problematic, and what no one but other multiple parents realise is, it's constant. I once went to do a 15min walk with my twins when they were babies and after battling with the double pram to walk down streets with cars park half on the pavements and also moving people's wheelie bins out the way so I can get past too, it took me almost an hour to do the journey because I was also stopped every 2mins "oh are they twins?" "2 girls? Oh! One of each? Are they identical?" "Double trouble" "rather you than me" it was just constant and sometimes it was like they stopped you, said that one thing, and then walked off.
I had a few ladies though who would stop me and chat. "Are they twins? Oh they are beautiful! Its nice you are out getting them some fresh air, I bet you are tired though. What are their names? Oh so one of each that's beautiful. Double the trouble but I bet you wouldn't have it any other way!" And they were genuinely nice to hear conversations where strangers stopped and even though they said things I had heard a thousands times already, it was said thoughtfully. Sometimes it's all about the tone.
I've had the usual weirdos that say stuff that was the same when out with my singleton too.
It's often the way things are said that is problematic, and what no one but other multiple parents realise is, it's constant. I once went to do a 15min walk with my twins when they were babies and after battling with the double pram to walk down streets with cars park half on the pavements and also moving people's wheelie bins out the way so I can get past too, it took me almost an hour to do the journey because I was also stopped every 2mins "oh are they twins?" "2 girls? Oh! One of each? Are they identical?" "Double trouble" "rather you than me" it was just constant and sometimes it was like they stopped you, said that one thing, and then walked off.
I had a few ladies though who would stop me and chat. "Are they twins? Oh they are beautiful! Its nice you are out getting them some fresh air, I bet you are tired though. What are their names? Oh so one of each that's beautiful. Double the trouble but I bet you wouldn't have it any other way!" And they were genuinely nice to hear conversations where strangers stopped and even though they said things I had heard a thousands times already, it was said thoughtfully. Sometimes it's all about the tone.
@youu it’s more so of i wish it didn’t feel like i was a circus attraction when im out 
im shy to begin with and would prefer to avoid conversations. i find when im out with just one twin, im just a normal mom. with two, (while they’re just trying to be nice) it gets annoying to say “two boys” “mhm 
” “thank you.” “3 months.” “yes they’re twins..” etc. etc.
im shy to begin with and would prefer to avoid conversations. i find when im out with just one twin, im just a normal mom. with two, (while they’re just trying to be nice) it gets annoying to say “two boys” “mhm ” “thank you.” “3 months.” “yes they’re twins..” etc. etc.marielleski
New member
@diddle I feel this. We have two giant Newfoundland dogs that look like bears that already got a ton of attention. Now when we walk the dogs plus the double stroller with twin babies we look like a frickin parade going through the neighborhood and get so many stares or people stopping you constantly to pet the dogs or look at the babies!!