I don’t want parenting advice from someone who doesn’t put their 2 year old in a car seat

@batman21 For anyone who ever has to have this conversation with a “friend” or family member, Newton's 2nd law:

Force = mass x acceleration (deceleration). A baby that weighs 11 lbs (5 kgs) will require 220lbs (100kgs) of force for grandma to hold on to her in an accident at 45mph (20 m/s).

And that’s for an infant! The average 12-month old weighs twice that, and I don’t know anyone who could hold onto 400+ lbs during a car accident. And that doesn’t even address the dangers of airbags on little unsecured heads and bodies!

For the “I turned out fine” crowd, it’s important to note that infant mortality has been cut in half since 1980:

https://www.infoplease.com/us/health-statistics/infant-mortality-rates-1950-2010

Why would anyone want to double their kid’s chances of dying by ignoring modern safety practices?
 
@batman21 She says her kids kids have been fine, but I mean has she ever been in an accident while they weren't in carseats...?

Anyways, that line "I did X and my kids turned out fine" always bugs me (although usually it seems to come from people with grown children). Like sure, your kids turned out fine...But are they perfect? Could they have possibly turned out better? Did their overall generation have a higher incidence of injuries/deaths/mental health issues due to X, and you were just lucky that your kid wasn't one of those statistics? It's just such a bad argument.
 
@akags Also, "my kids turned out fine" - are they even fine? My mum would probably say I’m fine. Spoiler alert: I’m not fine. Or I am, but the person to thank is my therapist, not my mum.
 
@batman21 Ubers, Lyfts, and most cabs wont allow it anymore. I've had to forgo the carseats before. Didnt particularly enjoy it. But she's a bitch for pushing after you said no.

Also for some reason i feel compelled to tell you never buy size 5 diapers. Just go straight to pull ups 🤣🤣
 
@batman21 If she picks apart your methods and she degrades your decisions and boundaries, this person ain't your friend.

As far as I know, car seats are required by law in the US. I am unsure of the laws of other countries, but if you are in the US, her risky behavior could get her children taken away from her, and in my opinion, she could use a wake up call. I hope those children remain safe.
 
@batman21 You didn't read it on the internet, you learned it in high school physics class. Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. Meaning her kids will fly head first through her windshield if she ever gets in a car accident.
 
@batman21 She doesn’t sound like a very good friend. My friends support me through everything with my baby, no matter how crazy it seems to them (I’m also a FTM). They also never give advice unless I’ve asked for it, which is nice!
Honestly car safety is spot on! We won’t even buy second hand car seat. Also, I don’t know about everywhere else but it’s illegal in Australia to not have kids in their car seats - you will get fined.

My Mum also gave me great advice when I was questioning things like this and she said “they don’t have to go home without them. You and your husband will be the ones that suffer if something happens to your kid, no one else.” The best advice I’ve ever gotten. I am so much more confident in telling people to shove their “advice” up their ass and if people tell me I’m a helicopter Mum or whatever they say, then I ignore it. I’m happy for myself and my child’s sake to take control in that regards and stand up for what I think is right. You’re their parent and you know what’s best for them. Especially in these situations.
 
@batman21 Yowser. I’d love to see what they think of my parenting - my daughter is 5.5yrs old and still in a fully harnessed car seat. In Australia they can move to a standard lap-sash seatbelt booster seat at age 4 but I’m keeping her in a 5-point harnessed seat til she’s 7-8 (she’s already 4’2 she’s a big kid). She was rear facing til almost 2.5yrs old and I only turned her around because I had shoulder bursitis and couldn’t buckle her in rear facing anymore.

Car safety is nothing to joke about and YOU are doing the right thing and being a good mother caring for your child’s safety. I just don’t understand people who play chicken with things that can be so dangerous and are entirely preventable. Your friend may have the experience of 3 kids but she’s an idiot and you’re not. Can you distance yourself from this ‘friend’? Would you feel comfortable saying ‘I may parent different to you but I need you to respect my choices’ or if you don’t want to be upfront next time just say you’re not feeling great and get rid of her. Either way she’s willfully and stupidly putting her kids at massive risk and they don’t deserve that. You’re doing the right thing don’t doubt yourself at all.
 
@batman21 I’m not sure where you are, but most (if not all) states have car seat laws by age and/or weight. I would look them up for your area, send her the info, and tell her that if you ever hear about her kid in the car without a car seat again, you will not hesitate to call the police. Car seats aren’t a parenting decision that she can take or leave and I know I’m preaching to the choir when I say she’s putting her kid in the position where they could be very injured by a minor car accident.

Also, consider getting a spare for yourself or make sure your husband takes the seat out before he leaves, you don’t want to be left without a seat in case of a potential emergency.
 
@batman21 Okay, so what she is doing/has done is dangerous if you needed that affirmed (somehow I think you knew that). Sounds like you need to put some distance between you. I had to do similar with a friend over proper life jacket use. I only suggest distance because as you said you are new and still learning and who knows what other "advice" she will give you that seems harmless but is potentially dangerous.
 
@batman21 Not only does not putting your very young child in a car seat make no common sense (Now you have a toddler roaming around the car, what if you get hit? The baby is flying through the windshield) it’s also VERY illegal if you’re in the US. This makes me wonder what other safety decisions she’s making. I’m legitimately scared for her kids.
 
@batman21 Your instincts are correct, stick with listening to your heart.

She picks apart my parenting all the time, from me not giving my son bottles (he never took them and I’m with him 100% of the time so it was just easier to always nurse) to not letting him cry it out (just a personal preference) and usually I can just brush it off but this really upset me today.
Click to expand...

This is no friend. Real friends respect and support each other.

I also nursed exclusively because of bottle rejection. Neither of my kids had bottles, they are now 16 and 11. I think it'll work out...

I was not a "let him cry it out" type, ever. Babies cant talk! Crying is their only method of communication. I'm not going to ignore cries for help from my infant, duh. But, I know this is not a popular opinion. You do you.

The boys are a bit bigger now, but they are some pretty stellar people and I wouldn't change a thing if I could. I don't think conscientious, kind, and respectful kids are what your friend's parenting is going to produce.
 
@batman21 Thats a scary thought of her not using a car seat. She's stupid! I bet she'd whinge too if she got fined for not using a seat.

I would calmly tell her to stop judging you and picking apart your parenting skills.
She's not superior because she has more kids.

I also hope she never gets into an accident with her kids in the car.
 
@batman21 My kids are in elementary school and still use a booster seat. They are scared to ride without it until they are the right weight/height. Your friend is an idiot and possibly causing a traumatic experience for everyone on the road. Before I had kids I was driving down the highway and a toddler size child was hanging out of a popped out window in a van, not a mini van, a 10 passenger van! He was just hanging out the window with no cares but all I saw was a potential death that I could be part of because God forbid just a slight bump that child was out the window and onto the highway where someone would have ran him over. I might be an awful person but anytime I see a child not in the car seat I call 911 and report it. People like your friend are the reason our world has dumb people and will continue to get dumber.
 
@batman21 She sounds lovely /s

There's nothing wrong with telling someone that you're not interested in their unsolicited advice. Also? "No" is a complete sentence. you don't need to explain any of your parenting choices and decisions to someone like that.
 
@batman21 Dude fuck other people's parenting advice. You're your child's parent and the way you do things is how you do things. If I could give myself any advice about being a brand new mom, it would be to not listen to jack fuck anyone else said. My firstborn is 6 now, and it turns out the way I wanted to raise her was actually what was best for her specifically.
 
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