I don’t want parenting advice from someone who doesn’t put their 2 year old in a car seat
- Thread starter batman21
- Start date
-
- Tags
- lady rant 🚺 moms
slmill1987
New member
@batman21 Call the police or CPS and have them go do a safety check. Specifically mention the car seats. She will figure it was probably you, but you don't need a "friend" putting down your choices to make her negligence feel better. Also, none of us know what we are doing. You are an awesome mom.
growingheart
New member
@batman21 Don’t fear, you were right to refuse! People like this can really make us doubt ourselves, or leave us with heavy feelings hanging over us. (Apologies for my odd speech, I have autism)
I can assure you that I have never met anyone (at least in this century) who would let their child ride without a car seat, much less encourage another parent not to use one. Your gut feeling was absolutely right, it isn’t safe.
I wonder if some of the emotional discomfort this left you with has to do with someone whose friendship you value, someone you may trust, behaving in a way that is hard to reconcile with that.
I don’t know your friend, so although her stance on car seats is bafflingly dangerous, I don’t think this necessarily makes your friend an all-around terrible person or mom. We don’t always know why people make grievous errors in judgment, and we are not bad people for having compassion for our friends. But it may be worth checking in if you feel this behavior is highly unusual for her, as recklessness and uncharacteristic behavior might indicate she needs help with, say, a mental health issue, or domestic problems.
Good on you for standing your ground. It’s not easy, but it means you’re willing to stand up for your kid, and that makes you a great parent in my eyes.
I hope you feel better soon.
Edited to add: Having said all of the above, her habit of picking apart your parenting definitely is not cool—I for one always feel awful if I think someone thinks I’m a bad mom—and you can absolutely tell her that it’s hurtful and needs to stop.
I can assure you that I have never met anyone (at least in this century) who would let their child ride without a car seat, much less encourage another parent not to use one. Your gut feeling was absolutely right, it isn’t safe.
I wonder if some of the emotional discomfort this left you with has to do with someone whose friendship you value, someone you may trust, behaving in a way that is hard to reconcile with that.
I don’t know your friend, so although her stance on car seats is bafflingly dangerous, I don’t think this necessarily makes your friend an all-around terrible person or mom. We don’t always know why people make grievous errors in judgment, and we are not bad people for having compassion for our friends. But it may be worth checking in if you feel this behavior is highly unusual for her, as recklessness and uncharacteristic behavior might indicate she needs help with, say, a mental health issue, or domestic problems.
Good on you for standing your ground. It’s not easy, but it means you’re willing to stand up for your kid, and that makes you a great parent in my eyes.
I hope you feel better soon.
Edited to add: Having said all of the above, her habit of picking apart your parenting definitely is not cool—I for one always feel awful if I think someone thinks I’m a bad mom—and you can absolutely tell her that it’s hurtful and needs to stop.
jennyflair
New member
ailanthus777
New member
@iqoretyby It's illegal almost everywhere, certainly anywhere that they could just run grab a coffee real quick would be developed enough to have car seat laws.
just4metheone
New member
@sofa24h At the hospital I had my now 2 year old daughter at, they would not let any baby leave the premises unless they were in a car seat, which they had dedicated staff check to make they were set up and installed in the vehicle correctly. That woman sounds horrible and completely irresponsible.
@just4metheone I'm one of those dedicated staff 
we're certified in car seat safety, and especially with brand new parents, we walk them through installation and securing the seat. One of the more technical parts of the job, I certainly prefer creating newborn photo collages and holding baby so mom can shower, lol.
we're certified in car seat safety, and especially with brand new parents, we walk them through installation and securing the seat. One of the more technical parts of the job, I certainly prefer creating newborn photo collages and holding baby so mom can shower, lol.reporter94
New member
@batman21 Umm what?! I was never a “car seat nazi” but he had and still has a car seat at 8. At 4’9” it’s of course a booster now, but a 2 year old?! Holy crap.
You need to find some better friends. Not because of the car seat issue specifically (although this is a ridiculous one because it’s a clear safety issue), but because the way that another mom parents her child shouldn’t be judged or belittled. I am lucky enough to have many close friends. All of them have children at this stage of our lives. Do I judge parenting choices that aren’t the same as mine? Nope. Do I belittle them for their choices? Nope. I will give advise if they ask for it (aka- how did you get your kid to sleep in his own bed every night, etc). Your friend has no right to belittle any choice you’re making unless it’s unsafe, which I would argue she is absolutely making with her own kids.
You need to find some better friends. Not because of the car seat issue specifically (although this is a ridiculous one because it’s a clear safety issue), but because the way that another mom parents her child shouldn’t be judged or belittled. I am lucky enough to have many close friends. All of them have children at this stage of our lives. Do I judge parenting choices that aren’t the same as mine? Nope. Do I belittle them for their choices? Nope. I will give advise if they ask for it (aka- how did you get your kid to sleep in his own bed every night, etc). Your friend has no right to belittle any choice you’re making unless it’s unsafe, which I would argue she is absolutely making with her own kids.
supervideogirl
New member
@batman21 One of my kids never took a bottle, one would only use a bottle. Did it make any difference? No.
I didn't let my babies cry it out. I know plenty of parents who do. The kids are all fine.
But the kids who are thrown from a car in an accident? Not fine.
Safety bubble? Wtf? I bet she doesn't believe in helmets, either. I don't get it. We wear safety goggles and respirators around noxious chemicals and particles, mitts when working with hot stuff, hard hats at construction sites, but she thinks she doesn't need to take basic precautions around heavy machinery?
I didn't let my babies cry it out. I know plenty of parents who do. The kids are all fine.
But the kids who are thrown from a car in an accident? Not fine.
Safety bubble? Wtf? I bet she doesn't believe in helmets, either. I don't get it. We wear safety goggles and respirators around noxious chemicals and particles, mitts when working with hot stuff, hard hats at construction sites, but she thinks she doesn't need to take basic precautions around heavy machinery?
charlesting
New member
@charlesting I like your comparison
@batman21 Holding a baby during a car crash is an excellent way of turning your baby into a bouncing ball inside the car or into a window breaking projectile.
You can NOT hold them when inertia hits. Even if you saw it coming you can‘t.
She is the worst kind of idiot, the incredibly militant and proud kind. I‘d drop her as a friend ASAP.
You can NOT hold them when inertia hits. Even if you saw it coming you can‘t.
She is the worst kind of idiot, the incredibly militant and proud kind. I‘d drop her as a friend ASAP.
nomadnurse
New member
@batman21 I can remember exactly one time in my entire life that I rode in a car with my baby and no car seat, and that was because there was so much ice on the ground that my friend was worried I'd slip (baby was in a carrier inside my jacket) and I'd fall on the baby or injure the baby. It was a two block trip and you'd better believe I was inwardly panicking the entire time while she drove at a snail's pace with her hazard-blinkers on, and me in the backseat with my baby still strapped to my chest.
You don't do that shit for fun or to get coffee, you do it out of absolute necessity or emergency. You need better friends who don't judge your parenting for just being safe.
You don't do that shit for fun or to get coffee, you do it out of absolute necessity or emergency. You need better friends who don't judge your parenting for just being safe.
idedonoildmix
New member
@batman21 I used to be friends with a woman down the road, our boys went to the same sport together each week, and I have no car so in cold weather she would pick him up.
All was fine until she dropped him home one evening and there were 5 kids squished into the back seat with no belts on, including my son. I was horrified, but she acted like I was crazy for having a problem with it. Turns out it was a regular thing, she would offer lifts to several kids.
We accepted no more rides from her after that, and are no longer friends.
All was fine until she dropped him home one evening and there were 5 kids squished into the back seat with no belts on, including my son. I was horrified, but she acted like I was crazy for having a problem with it. Turns out it was a regular thing, she would offer lifts to several kids.
We accepted no more rides from her after that, and are no longer friends.