I don’t know if I can handle another close friend getting pregnant

almunday

New member
8 months in - you walk past your husband on his phone and notice he’s looking at a positive pregnancy test in a group chat. Overall feeling is excitement, maybe you’ll be pregnant at similar times? You find it a bit insensitive that the test was sent with the intention to confuse the boys group it was a covid test, when your husband knows exactly what a positive pregnancy test looks like from your miscarriage 6 months ago. But ‘guys don’t really think like that’ you guess.

10 months in - your husband comes home and tells you he’s got some news about X and Y. You reply that it’s so exciting, but involuntarily burst into tears. He hugs you and you both reassure each other surely it’s your turn soon.

13 months in - you’re working from home in one of those zoom meetings that feel pretty pointless so you’re not really paying attention, checking reddit and instagram. You see a message pop up from one of your best friends - it’s super thoughtful and empathetic and you don’t feel your usual devastation even though you tear up a bit. You’re grateful for the kind message and being given the space to process her news.

16 months in - you’re at a wedding and two out of the three people you know well are pregnant. The third announces she’s also pregnant. You suddenly can’t hear anything and can’t breathe. You go to the bathroom and have a cry and try and pull it together. All the men are congratulating them and saying welcome to the dad club. You look at your husband and your heart breaks.

17 months in - two days after your egg retrieval. Your best friend asks if you’re up for a walk, you think you can if it’s slow as you’re still in quite a bit of pain. She starts crying and tells you she’s pregnant- this one’s a complete shock. You feel a combination of hurt that she’s your best friend and you didn’t even know trying for a baby was on her radar and a bit angry she’s told you in person and you end up having to console her guilty tears. You cry the whole way home and feel very alone.

21 months in - you’re watching a sporting match with two of your friends and you get a text notification on your smart watch. You don’t take it all in except for the words ‘I’m pregnant’ you can’t focus and you feel sick. This one wasn’t unexpected but it’s another reminder that this is so fucking easy for every single one of your friends except you. You think you’re okay as it’s nice news for them and you knew it would be coming but then you spend the whole weekend crying.

I don’t know how many more pregnancy announcements from close friends I can take. At least I’m almost out of close friends who could announce? Until they start trying for number 2 and 3.

I’m so envious of people who have such a fun, easy, exciting and inexpensive time of conceiving. What a joy that must be.

Thoughts are with anyone who’s dealing with ongoing pregnancy announcements from their group of friends and you feel like everyone’s moving forward and you’re stuck. You feel like the downer of the group everyone pities and has to tip toe around.
You feel like you’re going to be left out of the maternity leave catch ups, the baby hangs, the trips away.
You feel constant anxiety and stress at catch ups that there’ll be another announcement.
You feel like a horrible person because you can’t just be happy and excited for them at this amazing incredible time because infertility has completely broken you and changed your personality.

Its just so unfair 💕
 
@almunday I understand completely how you feel. Even other announcements make me anxious. Our close friend got engaged & all I could think was oh yay another couple who is going to lap us. It’s an awful horrible feeling to carry inside.
 
@chootas Yes!! I feel the exact same. Weddings and engagements just being even more anxiety. When you just wish you could celebrate and be happy, nothing stops that anxious feeling in your stomach
 
@almunday Popping in to say you’re a great writer. Your post made me tear up; you painted such a distinct picture of your journey. I’ll be putting positive thoughts into the universe for you and your partner.
 
@almunday 13 months and not a single positive test for me. I feel nothing but anger and resentment when I see yet another friend/acquaintance post their bump on Instagram. I skip social events to avoid seeing their newborns. I hate that I have become bitter and jealous.
 
@almunday I’ve also experienced every one of the feelings that you so eloquently described. It’s hell and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I feel so heartbroken, angry, resentful, and crushed that on top of everything else that infertility has stolen, it has also stolen the sparkle from a lot of my friendships. It doesn’t matter how much you love a friend and want to be happy for them, the sadness for yourself just cuts so, so deep. That feeling of having a pit in your stomach just waiting for the next friend to announce is one I will never forget.

I’m so sorry you’re having to experience this heartbreak as well. Solidarity and hugs.
 
@alwayslearning1130 Yes so true. I sit there at catch ups just willing nobody to talk to me because I don’t have the energy to engage and be fun. It’s impossible to hang out with all my pregnant friends and friends with baby’s without just feeling worse
 
@alwayslearning1130 You also eloquently described friendships- it seems like it’s driving a wedge between me and some friends. I hate it, but can’t turn off my personal feelings and emotions
 
@alwayslearning1130 So so true. There are VERY few people I even want to talk to these days to be honest. Either they don't get it and make stupid comments, they got pregnant easily, or they expect me to be happy go lucky and super involved in their stuff not realizing how much I am carrying, even if I don't want to talk about it.

I have very much withdrawn myself from most people, except a select few who either have gone through it or have actually expressed true empathy.
 
@heretolove I was reading a book called The Trying Game, and when it came to dealing with others' pregnancy announcements, the author said that it wasn't that she wasn't happy for them, it was that she didn't have an ounce of happiness in her to share with them (while going through infertility). That resonated with me, and I feel less bad about not being happy for my friends.
 
@almunday I did enjoy it, it's informative without being textbook like, and it's nice to hear the author's experiences. It felt very human to me, I liked it. It talks about fertility treatments and infertility, and I'd say that it focuses mostly in IVF (since that's what she went through).

I read it to start getting mentally prepared for IVF in case we need to go that route (we're now doing IUI, we're on our third cycle and we will maybe do 6 total before moving on), and I think that it helped.
 
@heretolove Same here. I physically don’t have it in me to be happy for other people, especially since we just got the news that my husband will not be able to have biological children of his own. Infertility has made me a horrible, jealous person.
 
@almunday I suspect folks who think they must tell you in person because you’re a close friend, do not understand how complicated this feeling can be, and probably also think the text message is the easy way out. A friend recently announced to me, she conceived first go, and I knew they were starting so I was just waiting for the announcement. Anyways she sent me a really thoughtful text message that left room for me to take space if I wanted it. I haven’t had someone close spring an announcement on me in person, but honestly hyping myself up to see her having already received the news was a bit hard. The text message was - in my opinion - the only way to go. It gave me space to process before I saw her, it was the easier way out for ME.

I’m really sorry you’ve been dealing with this so much.
 
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