I did it. I left him. I am not okay

[aquateamv3]

@panictopeace Hey.. what you're feeling is valid, it's normal and healthy. Try to talk to counselors as you go through stuff if you can.

I did it years ago and I made the mistake of going back, and now I'm stuck for the foreseeb future, please take the time to care for you and your daughter, and take things one minute at a time if need be.

You deserve to be safe, and have support, and you're strong for doing what you're doing now. The shelter people will help you with courts stuff, like lawyers etc. You just need to ask.

Big hugs and best of luck

 

[sandenamwa]

@panictopeace Listen to the shelter. He's your ex already there is no need to update him except through lawyers.

 

[kcope]

@panictopeace I have been where you are, and I am so proud of you.

I know you feel scared and uncertain now, but you did the right thing for you and your daughter. You don't deserve to be treated like that, and she doesn't deserve to grow up seeing her mother being treated like that.

You've given her an amazing example, and one day if someone tries to treat her that way, she's going to follow your example and leave. You taught her what to do. You have given both of you such an amazing gift by walking away from him.

Seriously, I am so happy for you. The next part will be hard, but the two of you will have a better life, and you will feel so free once you realize that you no longer have to cater to his mood, crush yourself into something small, and walk on eggshells around him. It may not have sunk in yet, but when it does you will feel so much better.

And when you're out of the shelter and can use weed again, you might want to try a CBD only strain. I recently stopped completely too-- I'm not against it, but I was using much too much of it. The CBD strain controls my anxiety well enough that I don't miss the other stuff at all. I use it at the same time of day as I did before, and it helps me wind down just as well, but without the fogginess.

 

[elizabetha89]

@panictopeace I am so happy to hear you are out and safe, you did the best thing for you and your daughter. Leaving an abusive relationship is hard, and doing so is brave. It's going to be hard, but keep going, you got this!

There are charities that offer free support (I only know the ones in the UK) to help with legal costs, mental health support and other support you may want.

There's a book that really helped me understand and validate my feelings called "why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft - there are free pdfs of the book floating around on google. It's written by a psychologist that worked with domestic abuse perpetrators for years and wrote a book about them, and why they do it and how they get away with it. It's comforting to understand how it can happen and why, and also why you must not go back and why it will not change.

If you want someone to talk to, my dms are open. I spent 9 years in an abusive relationship before I had to pack up and leave while he was gone. It's been 5 years now and it was the best decision I ever made.

 

[jts751]

@panictopeace Please keep us updated. This is a very brave thing you did...and the right thing for you and your child...even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.