I did it. I left him. I am not okay

[jg109]

@panictopeace I don’t know if anyone else has said this, but turn off your location on your phone so he can’t try to track you

 

[luze]

@panictopeace In the beginning it is hard to leave your abuser. They have trained you to doubt yourself, and convince you that they cannot survive without you. They are not your responsibility, they are a grown adult who needs to figure out how to take care of themselves.

As you work through this, it will be hard. And there will be times you doubt yourself, bit you are strong, you will be happy again, you will get through this, and will eventually be better off. It may not seem that way, but in 5 yrs, you may even be able to look back at the bullshit you survived through, grew through, and protected your child from, and laugh at how dumb your ex really is, and how strong you have become. I know from experience.

 

[justifiedbytheblood]

@panictopeace I've been there mama and I know what your going through. Its so scary at first but you will come out so much better and stronger for it. Much love

 

[rob85262]

@panictopeace The comments above already said what needs to be said. I’ll just add my raised hand that I’m proud of you, you’re strong, you’ve done the right thing, and things will get better from here. Get it, girl.

 

[marci]

@panictopeace I was in an almost identical situation, but I was hiding out at a family member's place instead of a shelter. I was so physically ill with anxiety for days. The guilt of not letting him see her or responding to him was really tough, but he knew we were safe. You can 100% do this. It could be one of the hardest things you go through, but it will be 100% worth it in the long run.

 

[sandcv]

@panictopeace I don't know if anyone else has recommended this yet, but PLEASE watch Maid on Netflix. It's about a woman, with a young daughter, dealing with the fallout of domestic abuse. It's based on the memoir of Stephanie Land, and sounds similar to your situation.

I'm proud of you!!

 

[puritanwave]

@panictopeace Just breath for five minutes then another five minutes etc etc you got this don’t let it mess with your head your fine

 

[qdv80353]

@panictopeace I hope you are asleep right now snuggled into your daughter and get a nice long sleep. I just want to say I am so fucking proud of you girl. You'll miss him and it will be hard and you'll second guess yourself but you've just done the absolute hardest part- now you know you can deal with anything. You deserve happiness and your daughter will thank you. You got this!!!

 

[molly78]

@panictopeace You did an amazingly brave thing for yourself and your daughter. This is the HARDEST part; it’s very destabilizing, especially because he will blame you and try to convince you this was all your fault. It’s not. You’re doing what you have to do for you and your daughter’s future. You can do this! You are not alone. Big hugs mama. One day this will be behind you and you’ll feel more stable and back in power in your life.

 

[panictopeace]

@molly78 Thank you.
That really helps.
This is so extremely hard. I'm grateful I have a place to go, and my own room, but im still In a shelter. And being under quarantine really sucks.

I don't feel brave at all, but as I keep being told, Bravery is being scared but doing it anyways.

It's interesting how my aniexty keeps getting a bit better, then I'll have a huge wave of it.

I'm just trying to survive hour by hour.

 

[molly78]

@panictopeace I think that’s exactly how it is. You survive hour to hour and then eventually day to day then week to week and so on. Yes! You did a brave thing because the easy (somehow) thing would have been to carry on in a life that was sucking the soul out of you and letting your daughter watch that. You’re showing her how important she is to you, but also how important she should be to herself by taking a stand for YOU. You have one life to live and you’re choosing you. That’s wonderful. It doesn’t feel that way I’m sure. This part is god awful. The self-doubt. The anxiety. The “am I doing the right thing? Am I overreacting? Could this blow up in my face?”. I’d have a few mantras in your mind for moments you want to doubt yourself or reach out or go back to your husband. Something that empowers you or reminds you in no uncertain terms why this is worth it. Are there any domestics violence survivors group counseling meeting be going on near you? It could be helpful to talk this out with other people who have gone through similar things and who can validate you, let you share your feelings. Please just don’t forget you are SO brave and SO worth this!! And so is your daughter. You are worth the effort and the hardship of this difficult time to have a better life. You’re worth it. It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to be sad and it’s ok to be anxious. It’s not ok to be bullied. It’s not ok to be abused. It’s not ok. The things he did. The things he said were not ok. I hope one day you can get some really good therapy to deal with all of that, but for now I think group counseling could be of great help to you. Emotional abuse is ABUSE and it is arguably just as destructive. You did the RIGHT thing. You’re going to be ok

 

[lordhelpmeplease911]

@panictopeace I know I don’t know you, but I’m so proud of you! It takes such a giant amount of courage to leave an abusive situation, and you did it! You put you and your daughter’s safety first and acted on it. You’re a FANTASTIC mother and don’t ever let anyone tell you anything different. Many virtual hugs to you! You got this, girl!

 

[katrina2017]

@panictopeace You are so brave, even though I know you’re scared. You are SO strong. And I am so proud of you for getting your daughter and yourself out of that situation. Everything will be okay, I promise. I know it is so scary right now. I was scared too. But I am still here, 8 years later, and thriving more than I could have imagined. This will all be a memory someday. This isn’t the end. This is the beginning of a new wonderful chapter for you two.

 

[eront]

@panictopeace Think of it this way, would you be ok with your daughter being in a relationship with someone that treated her the way your ex treated you? Because our children learn from us what a relationship should be, they learn that it’s normal for mummy to be scared of daddy and for daddy to yell or hit etc. So when they end up in a relationship the abusive one feels normal and they’ll gravitate to that.

Show your daughter that you are worth more, show her that it’s better to be strong and alone then scared and trapped.

You have made the first step and that the hardest one and every day from here on out will be better because you both are away from him.

 

[sue1234567]

@panictopeace Not being okay is OKAY! You have probably just done one of the hardest things in your life and you should be proud of that! You've let your ex know that you and your daughter are safe and that is all that he is entitled to in this moment in time. I would now limit reaching out to your ex at all costs until the time is ready. He will probably do nothing but guilt trip you.

Now what you need to do is take it one day at a time. If that's too hard then take it one minute or one hour at a time. You've got this! You are stronger than you know and stronger than all of the other women that haven't been able to take this first step. If you need someone to vent to or even just talk nonsense to about literally anything just message me! I grew up in a household where my mom left her 3 abusive exes so I've been through this too. I wish you and your little one the best!

 

[judyzart]

@panictopeace You are strong. You are strong for your daughter. You are strong for yourself.

 

[faithrenewed]

@panictopeace My heart hurts for you. It WILL get better. Give yourself a couple weeks of grace while the shock settles. Change is hard and sometimes scary, especially good change. I agree with the people at the shelter that it would be best for you to block all incoming contact. I know that part is so hard.

 

[md62884]

@panictopeace You did the right thing. Your behavior is what your daughter will mirror as she gets older, so teaching her to take care of herself and be a loving mom is what she’ll learn from this. I’ve been there and it’s terrifying and gut wrenching. When you’re going through hell, keep going! You have all my support. Oh, and shelter is right. Get a restraining order and don’t contact him except through attorneys. He won’t get your child away from you. It’s pretty damned hard to do. It’s all going to get much better.

 

[janfromflorida]

@panictopeace We are so proud of you. One day at a time. You are 100% doing the thing that is best for your daughter. Hugs Mama. Make sure to reach out to other women at the shelter once you have passed the quarantine for in person support too!

She's got this! Speaking of which, my daughter loves that book...about gymnastics and not giving up, by Laurie Hernandez.

 

[henry125]

@panictopeace Sending you lots of love and good vibes to both you and your girl.

YOU. CAN. DO. THIS.